The Mind of an Extremely Hormonal Teenage Marauder
by ProngsxLilyflower
Summary: Only I, James Potter, can get myself into humiliating situations like these. It's a curse, it's a horrible, ter... Does Lily look hot in that sweater or what? [LilyJames]
1. Dead breakfasts, Great Minds, and Jerky

**Author's Note: Hullo, everyone! Now, since it's Thanksgiving here, and I was feeling guilty about deleting Snapshots of Love, I decided to start another multi-chapter fic about the Marauders' last year. This one is humor though, and I already have many chapters typed for this. It was orginally meant to be a oneshot, so that's why it starts at such a strange time. Enjoy! Oh, yes, and this has not been sent to my beta... just a warning. **

**This is from James's point of view and is an LJ fic.  
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**I don't own Harry Potter. Boo hoo.  
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**Chapter One: Dead breakfasts, Great Minds, and Jerky  **

"Morning, my fellow Marauders!" I greeted cheerily as I took my seat at the Gryffindor table next to my best mate, Sirius. "Nice day, isn't it?"

"Marvelous," Sirius agreed as he lazily grabbed the maple syrup in front of him and began drenching his pancakes. I wrinkled up my nose in disgust. His poor, innocent pancakes. I watched as the plate began filling up, suffocating the pancakes. Leave it to Padfoot to kill his breakfast.

Apparently, Remus, who was seated right in front of me, was thinking the same thing. "Padfoot, I suggest you stop drowning your pancakes before your plate overflows. It's sickening."

Sirius pouted and placed the now empty bottle of maple syrup down in front of him, "Fine. There's none left anyway."

"Darn it," Peter, who was sitting in front of Sirius muttered, "I wanted some more syrup."

I looked over at Peter with a huge frown. Okay, I will admit it; I think that maple syrup is GROSS. Actually, I think that any sticky food is gross. My mum never forced me to eat it. In fact, she agreed that it was very unsanitary. And believe me; Mummy doesn't like anything which is unsanitary.

So, I, being the sane one out of them, grabbed a sausage hungrily and smirked. See, sausages taste fine without that disgusting, vicious liquid. I didn't need syrup with them, like Sirius needed syrup with his pancakes and Peter needed syrup with his… bagel?

"Peter, why would you want maple syrup with your bagel?" Remus asked cautiously, looking at Peter's bagel in interest. Wow, great minds really do think alike.

Peter shrugged and took a large bite out of his bagel, "Mmmph… tafes gooph."

"What does gooph mean?" Sirius asked as he took a forkful of his dead pancake and stuffed it in his mouth. Gross…

Remus sniffed, "I think that what Peter means is good…"

"No way! I thought he was saying golf," I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Argh, not dripping. Too unsanitary. More like flowing neatly.

"No, James, even Wormtail isn't daft enough to say his pancakes 'taste golf'. That's bad grammar," Sirius informed me, not picking up the sarcasm is my voice. I frowned. And he called Peter daft.

"Fook! Mfily Ephans if comfing tofards uf," Peter said, his mouth still stuffed with bagel. Okay, even I didn't pick up what he had just said.

"What the hell are you trying to say, Pete?" Sirius asked, staring at Peter as if he were crazy.

Remus cleared his throat, "I think what Peter here is trying to say is 'Lily Evans is coming towards us'."

I froze, open mouthed as I was just chewing my tasty little sausage, and abruptly turned to face the Great Hall doors. Sure enough, there was Lily Evans, beautiful as ever, walking swiftly in our direction.

Ah, Lily Evans. If I told you a secret, would you promise not to tell?

I'm in love with her.

Okay, I know, I know, horrible secret. The whole school probably knows that by now.

I really can't help loving her. She's so pretty and smart and attractive and funny and popular and sweet and kind…

Okay, so she's currently only a friend. If you spend half your life screaming at your friends.

Which I hope you don't.

Well, lets just say she's another peer who I turn out to be in love with. Not to mention, she's also Head Girl, while yours truly is currently Head _Boy._

Some people call it luck, I call it fate.

Maybe I'm a bit crazy.

Lily Evans elegantly approached us and sat herself right next to me. Yes, next to me!

Am I squealing yet?

"Morning, boys," she greeted absently as she grabbed a shiny red apple and took a loud bite.

I heard Remus snicker slightly, "Nice to see you, Lily."

Lily gave him a polite smile, and then turned to me. She immediately frowned, "James, close your mouth! Honestly, I don't want to see your breakfast."

I felt myself go red as I clamped my moth shut. Darn it, I was blushing! MARAUDERS DON'T BLUSH! I looked down at my lap and slowly chewed on my sausage, hoping no one would notice. "So what brings you here, Lily?" I asked my fellow Head dutifully.

"Oh, I wanted to get a seat by the window. I'm expecting a package. The owl delivering it had to fly a long journey, and I really don't want her to have to go through the hassle of looking for me," Lily exclaimed fluently as she took another bite of her apple. See what I mean by her being kind?

Luckily for me, a tawny colored owl whizzed over us and dropped a huge package in front of Lily. Whatever was in it was probably heavy, as Sirius's maple syrup splashed all over his robes when it hit the table. Ha, serves him right!

As Sirius began swearing loudly, Lily tore open the paper covering the contents, she tossed it aside and held up a pretty, beige jacket for the marauders to see.

"Wow, Lily, that's pretty," Peter commented, smiling kindly at her. Sirius, who was now somehow blinded by the syrup, was spluttering something about dying. Remus, on the other hand, hardly looked at the jacket and grabbed the paper it had been wrapped in. He carefully began examining it. Freak.

Lily beamed and pulled on the jacket over her small frame and buttoned it up, "Isn't just perfect?"

Man, she looked hot in that. I stared at it dumbly and nodded, "Oh yeah…"

Remus cleared his throat and turned to Lily, looking a bit smug about something, "Lily, is this a buckskin?"

"Buckskin?" Peter asked, looking confused.

"Cloth made from the skin of a moose or elk," Remus explained simply, "But even more commonly known as," He paused and looked over at me, "Cloth made of deer hide."

I began choking on my sausage.

No way. No bloody way.

I could hear Sirius barking with laughter from the other side of me and Peter chuckling slightly.

"Is it?" Remus repeated, looking amused.

Lily frowned, looking annoyed at Sirius, "Yes, it is. The finest buckskin around."

Now she had said it. Sirius, Peter, and Remus were roaring with laughter. Oh, how I wish I could stab them with the fork in my hands. I turned frantically to Lily, "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not," Lily said impatiently. "It really is buckskin," She huffed slightly and hugged the jacket close to her, "My grandfather is a hunter. He lives in North America and is probably the most talented man I've ever met. Once he sets his eye on a deer, he can kill it immediately. Today, it just so turns out to be Thanksgiving in America. So, every Thanksgiving, he sends me a new handmade present.

"At the moment, it is fad to wear buckskin coats among muggles, so he made me this."

I glanced at her faintly. This couldn't be happening. The love of my life's grandfather kills my family. Deer family, that is.

Damn it, I'm probably the unluckiest guy alive.

Lily suddenly grinned and pulled out a small bag of what looked like jerky. "Look, he sent me some venison jerky, too!"

Holy mother of Merlin.

"NO! DON'T EAT ME!" I screamed as I snatched away the bag and tossed it at a Slytherin's head.

Luckily, most of the hall had cleared out, but the few slow eaters still sitting in the room were staring at me as if I were insane. Which I probably was.

"James, I was eating deer jerky, not you, you big oaf!" Lily cried, looking ready to kill.

"No, you were eating me! I am a deer!" I yelled at her angrily. Suddenly, I froze and the laughter of the other marauders died down as they stared at me in shock. Darn it, I had really done it now.

Lily was looking at me blankly, "James, what are you talking about?"

Only I can get myself in situations like these.

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**Author's Note**: **Done! Yes! It's still Thanksgiving, too. 11:45 p.m. to be exact. Teehee! Please, please review!**

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	2. Sighing, Squirrels, and Scheming

**Authors Note:**** Hello, everyone! Wow, I updated sooner than expected. Now, my beta kept on putting off editing this -glares-. I am now looking for a new beta! I don't always get PMs, so please tell me if you are interested by reviewing. Thank you!  
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**Thanks to everyone who reviewed so much! I'll add in names of my reviewers and comments in the next chapter.  
**

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**Chapter Two: Sighing, Squirrels, and Scheming**

"Eh… I didn't- I didn't mean that," I stuttered, "What I meant was… was that…" My voice trailed off, as I had no answer.

Lily's darling, anger filled eyes bore into me as she waited for a response, "Come on, Potter, what do you mean?"

Ah, great, the last name. I winced slightly. This girl wasn't backing down at all.

Okay, what do all teenagers do when they're in situations like mine?

Oh, of course. Pass the blame.

"Remus is a deer," I announced, looking over at poor old Moony, whose mouth dropped open immediately.

Haha, I love my life.

There were a few moments of silence, as all eyes turned to our favorite werewolf friend. Remus gulped and stepped back, looking extremely nervous and confused.

But then Sirius, being the dog he is, loyally stepped up.

"You're right, Prongs, Remus is a dear," Sirius said casually as he put a disgusting, sticky arm around Remus. "A very sweet one, too."

I glared at Sirius. Leave it to him to know his homophones. Seriously. Or should I say Siriusly?

…Wow, that didn't even sound funny in my head.

Lily seemed to be passed her annoyed stage. Oh yes, she definitely was. Her next move happened in a blur. She brought back her long leg and kicked out hard.

I winced as her shiny – and rather pointy – shoe hit its target. Between Remus's legs.

Remus's eyes bugged out and he groaned loudly as he collapsed on the floor.

"Lily, why'd you kick him there?" Peter squeaked as he looked down at Remus in concern.

Lily frowned and grabbed her jacket, "Well, it's his fault Potter threw the jerky, and Potter is sitting so it would have been particularly hard to kick him. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to write thanking my grandfather before I'm late to charms." And with that, she gracefully made her way out of the Great Hall.

"Damn you, James," I heard Remus croak. I smiled apologetically.

Hey, you have to admit, it was kind of funny.

Sirius sighed, "You're lucky I have experience with this. Believe it or not, some girls don't like it when you snog their face off with your oh-so-wonderful snogging skills before you ask them their name." He pulled out a pink potion and handed it to Remus, who somehow managed to drink it down.

I wonder why he carries that around. Hmmm… A lot of girls must not know his name.

I helped him up and sighed. But it wasn't just any sigh… I sighed the Famous Potter Sigh.

"Oh no!" Sirius yelped as Remus began dusting off his jeans, "Not the Famous Potter Sigh!"

"Yes, the Famous Potter Sigh," I said sadly.

"The Famous Potter Sigh?" Peter asked.

"The Famous Potter Sigh," I repeated.

"The famous Famous Potter Sigh," Sirius said, looking at Peter as if he were an idiot.

"The Famous Potter Sigh?" Peter repeated, still looking confused.

"The Famous Potter Sigh!" I yelled, glaring at him.

"Why do I even bother with you guys?" Remus asked, looking annoyed. "Now James, please be so kind and tell us what in the name of Merlin the Famous Potter Sigh is!"

"The Famous Potter Sigh…" Sirius said blankly, "Is the sighiest sighs of all sighs."

I nodded and hung my head, waiting for my sympathy.

Remus gazed at us with a concerned expression, "Erm… right. James, why exactly did you just sigh the Famous Potter Sigh?"

"Because I'm upset," I said dully.

Remus immediately snapped into Daddy mode and put an arm around me. He began leading out the door and Sirius and Peter trotted behind us.

"You're upset?" Remus asked in a concerned voice.

Was he deaf? I looked up at him impatiently, "Yes! I'm upset! Like a squirrel after you castrate it!"

"Somehow, I don't think upset is the word to describe a castrated squirrel," Sirius snorted.

"Erm… right… Thanks for the images," Remus muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Alright, Prongs, why are you upset?"

I sniffed and turned away from them. This was an extremely dramatic moment, as you can see, "Lily still has the jacket…"

I frowned even harder as I heard Peter snort and Sirius chuckle.

Remus cleared his throat, "James, you're overreacting. She obviously likes the jacket."

I stepped back and turned to face my friends, "So? She can't wear it! She just can't! That would mean she'd be closer to another stag…" I looked down at the floor, "That she'd be held in the arms of another stag."

The three of them stared at me like I was insane. "The jacket's dead, mate," Peter said, as if I didn't know. You know, sometimes I get the impression they think I'm stupid.

"I know that! But she'd still be closer to that stag!" I cried.

There was another silence as my friends exchanged glances.

"For all you know, it might have been a female deer that they used to make the jacket," Remus finally spoke up.

Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin. He was right. Lily definitely didn't swing that way. It was bloody impossible.

But what if she did? Or what if she was so comfortable in that jacket that she did realize she's into girls?

I'm not going to let that happen. No sodding way. I had to get that damn jacket.

"James, sorry to burst your bubble and all, but we have to get to charms," Remus said, smirking at me. The git.

Then, I got an idea - The most brilliant idea of all ideas. "Boys, we're skipping charms today," I announced.

"Awesome!" Sirius cheered as he hopped on Peter's shoulders. Peter fell face flat on the ground, squealing. Morons.

Remus cleared his throat, "Prongs, what have I told you about skipping class?"

"No, this time it's an emergency," I argued defensively.

Remus rolled his eyes, "Why do I doubt that?"

Now he was just being annoying. I poked him hard on the chest, "Because you're a moron! It is too an emergency!"

"Oh really? Then what exactly are we going to do?" Remus asked me irritably.

"We're sneaking into the girl's dormitories!"

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"Did you guys find anything, yet?" I asked, not bothering to look up from the huge book in my hand.

We had spent nearly an hour looking through books in the library for ideas on how to get into the girls' dormitory.

I received no response from my fellow marauders and frowned, "Hey, answer me."

No response.

I gritted my teeth and slammed the book in my hands shut, "You know…"

My voice trailed off as I looked at the three boys in front of me. It was not a satisfying sight.

Peter sat across from me and had a huge, dusty book in front of him. No, it wasn't in front of him. It was UNDER him. His head lay on the book and the loser was soundly asleep. I really am not sure how I missed that he was asleep, since he was snoring louder than a Banshee who had just been hit by the Cruciatus Curse. It was disgusting. The boy would rather sleep than search through long, dull books for a way for me to steal the Head Girl's jacket. Traitor.

Remus was calmly reading some extremely sappy, huge novel about a dead hippogriff. For some reason, I doubt that 'The Inner Soul of a Hippogriff' had anything about jacket robbing.

Sirius, on the other hand was probably doing the strange thing out of all of them. He seemed to be chewing on the table leg from underneath the table.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" I asked, trying not to sound like I was about to rip out his hair.

"Library… Scary… Table leg… Tasty…" Sirius whispered as he continued chewing on the table leg.

Now, that, my friends, is what I call nasty. The poor table leg. Padfoot is just feeling sadistic today, isn't he? Very, very sadistic…

Now of course, I was extremely upset that my friends had betrayed me in my quest to find out how to get past the spell which turned the stairs to a slide whenever a boy tried to get by, but this was just… This was just wrong.

Does Sirius have any idea how unsanitary that table leg might have been? For all we know, someone may have peed on that very leg!

"You disgust me!" I roared as I slammed my book on the table. Of course, I had forgotten that we were in a library. Not to mention, Pince was the librarian.

"Potter, what do you think you're doing? Aren't you supposed to be in class? Get out! Out, out, OUT!" Madam Pince scolded as she spotted the boys.

I, feeling like a total idiot, dropped all my books and charged out of the library, up to the Gryffindor common room as fast as my extremely muscular legs - just had to say that - could take me, followed close behind by the other Marauders.

"Nice, job, James," Peter said, panting hard when we finally arrived. He collapsed on the floor, "I was having a wonderful nap."

You know, Peter's supposed to be the one to take my side. Not fair.

"I'm glad Prongs did something stupid like that. First of all, he couldn't help it. Second of all, I'm afraid of libraries," Sirius said proudly as he gave me a brotherly hug.

I gave Sirius a thankful smile, but stepped back.

Come on, you can't blame me. He still hasn't taken a bath after that disturbing maple syrup incident.

He's a disgrace to Mummy Potter, honestly.

"Well, Padfoot, that trip wasn't all wasted," Remus informed us in a quiet voice. "I got some research done. And in fact, I've got a plan…"

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I said in disbelief as Sirius led me down towards my bed. The dormitory we lived in one wasn't very inviting, you see. Clothes seemed to cover the floor, books were scattered on the floor, and old food lay rotting under the beds. Well, except my bed. My part of the room was nice and clean and orderly, because I am a good boy, thank you very much. Well, maybe I'm not a good boy, but hey, even I have a limit.

So basically, it's the other Marauders and the nerd who shares the dormitory with us – Lionel Smith's fault. I swear, rats occasionally run across the room, much to Peter's delight. For Merlin's sake, the huge wardrobe Sirius's mum forced him to buy was even shaking!

Anyway, you would never believe what I was letting them do to me.

"Don't worry, Prongs, it can't take too long to turn you into a girl," Sirius said calmly. I swear he was going pink from holding back laughter.

Yeah, that's what they're doing to me. They're breaking my manhood.

Wow, that sounded wrong.

Anyway, I'll scoop my mind out of my gutter, before I make a fool of myself.

Remus pushed – no wrestled me on to the bed. Okay, remember, we all ready scooped our mind out of the gutter. Yes, so no wrong thoughts.

"Okay, James, here's the plan," Remus said in a business-like tone. He snapped his fingers, "Peter!"

Peter raced into the room, carrying a huge poster board. When they bought this, I'll never know. He held up the poster board, which had a huge picture of me standing in the hall plastered across it. Did I ever tell you how sexy I am?

Sirius smiled, "Okay, we are here to discuss Mission: 'Get some girls in the year before us to transform James into looking and acting like a girl so the spell which normally makes the stairs turn into a slide when a boys steps on them gets confused and goes kaboom for a little while so that James can quickly sneak upstairs and steal the jacket – along with Adrianne Turner's underwear – and then sneak back downstairs, burn the jacket, and give me the underwear'."

I stared at him, "If that's the name, then what's the plan?"

"The plan is that we get some girls in the year before us to transform James into looking and acting like a girl so the spell which normally makes the stairs turn into a slide when a boys steps on them gets confused and goes kaboom for a little while so that James can quickly sneak upstairs and steal the jacket – along with Adrianne Turner's underwear – and then sneak back downstairs, burn the jacket, and give me the underwear. Any questions?"

Remus frowned and half-rose his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Moony?" Sirius said in a very McGonagallish like way. In fact, he sounded just like McGonagall. Scary…

Remus blinked, obviously thinking the same thing I was, and then shook his head, "Why is the plan's name the same as the plan?"

"Because it sounds cool," Sirius said casually, giving us an innocent smile.

"Oh, yes, and there's one more thing," I interjected, as I just so happened to remember the name of the plan.

Sirius cleared his throat and regained his McGonagall like voice, "Yes, Mr. Prongs?"

I blinked, "Okay, two things. Number one – How do you do that you're your voice, Number two – Why would I steal Adrianna Turner's underwear?"

"The answers are talent," Sirius began, putting on a sly expression, "and blackmail."

Oh how I wish knew what went through that poor fellow's mind.

"Of course," I said, giving him a strange look. "Now we have a jacket to steal!"

"All right, Marauders, let's do this!" Remus said loudly.

Boy, do I wish I knew what I was in for.

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**Authors Note:**** Just a note, I have nothing against gay people. James is just worried, because, which boy wouldn't be worried if the girl he adored was into other girls? REVIEWWWWWWWWW! The more reviews I get the sooner I update! Otherwise, I'll try to update next week!**

**-Ivy )**


	3. Wardrobes, Heroes, and Mascara

**Author's Note: I am SO sorry I didn't post last week, but I only finished this chapter on Monday. I was sick, you see. I got a new beta, but we're still getting things sorted out, so this chapter is NOT betad. In other words, no crying to me about bad spelling/grammer.**

**Okay, thank you to headoverheels4HP, borabora, Isolde Eris, hpisthegreatest, Moony8193, evil-pillow, radio wires, 'Scuse Me While I Kiss the Sky, PotterSnitch7, evil-pillow, fuzzy-blanket21, ZanessaFan101, funwithmalaise, Remus's Girl for reviewing so far! You guys really keep me going!**

**I still don't own Harry Potter, by the way. Sigh...  
**

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**Chapter Three: Wardrobes, Heroes, and Mascara**

"Wait a second, maybe this isn't such a good idea," I said quietly.

"Oh, don't be silly, Prongsie-Wongsie. This is going to be wonderful," Sirius said with as huge smile and a glint in his eye.

Hold on, I know that glint, It's his 'I'm feeling evil' glint.

Oh dear.

"So, how are we going to get a group of sixth year girls to give Prongs a makeover?" Peter piped up.

"Already taken care of, Wormtail," Sirius said proudly as he pulled out his wand.

I stepped back and he jabbed his wand towards the wardrobe, which was still shaking. The door flew open and out tumbled a group of very restless girls.

"Padfoot, most people keep clothes in their wardrobe. You keep sugar-high sixth years. Why am I not surprised?" I asked in amusement.

I doubt he heard me, though, because the girls immediately began screaming.

"Calm down, girls," Sirius said coolly, smirking slightly. "Now, I need you girls to turn my old pal, Prongs, into a girl. What do you say?"

I'm guessing the answer was yes, because all the girls quickly hopped on me.

Not that I wasn't enjoying having a pile of pretty girls on me, but it was getting hard to breathe.

"Mmmnmph!" I was able to scream over the loud chattering of the girls, who were now tearing off my clothes, might I add.

Of course that was useless, as the boys had gone off into a corner and began talking about the Montrose Magpies, my favorite Quidditch team and the team I plan on being a chaser on when I graduate, marry Lily, and have fourteen kids.

Why can't I join them? Why do I have to be the one with a crush on a girl who likes to eat and wear deer? Why am I the one who has a bra being forced over their head?

Wait a second, what?

"Hold up!" I yelled, "Why do I need a bra?"

Remus grinned and turned to face me as Peter and Sirius smirked at me. They were clearly enjoying this.

"James, to think like a girl, you have to dress like a girl," Remus said slowly.

I groaned and slapped my forehead as the girls continued dressing me. It may have been a few hours until the girls all stepped back and one rather loud one announced that they were finished.

By now, they had already forced a large, pink blouse over my head, changed me into a short, plaid mini skirt, somehow gotten a pair of shiny boots on my feet, and wrapped an itchy pink scarf around my neck.

But that wasn't the worst of it, you see. They had gone as far as MAKEUP. Sure enough, they had sprayed glitter on my face and hair, applied lipstick, mascara, blush, foundation, and an assortment of other feminine goodies.

I have lost all self-respect.

The Marauder strolled over to me with blank faces, surveying me up and down. I was relieved that they weren't laughing at me. Oh, who am I kidding? They're probably cackling on the inside.

Smirking, Sirius whispered something in Peter's ear, who nodded frantically and picked up the poster board, which had me in the hallway on it. He then cleared his throat, and the girls quieted down. Everyone gazed at the poster board quietly.

"This is James Potter. Or more like this _was_ James Potter. With the help of some very sweet sixth year girls," he paused so the girls could cheer and clap for themselves, "we have been able to change him into," Sirius tapped the board with his wand "this!"

Oh my Merlin.

There, on the board, was the most hideous thing ever. I could literally feel my mouth drop open. A tall version of me stood, grinning like a moron.

Her hair was long, oily, black, and very curly, barely reaching her shoulders. Hairclips, barrettes, headbands, scrunchies, you name it, were placed randomly on the mess I had once called hair. Her face was a powdery white, but her eye shadow, lipstick, and blush were all dark red, giving her a clownish look. Around her neck was a stuffy, wool scarf, wrapped around numerous times. She was wearing that huge pink blouse, which hung loosely and sagged in random places, revealing bright purple bra straps. Her tacky plaid skirt barely covered her underwear and showed a hell lot of... Actually, quite muscular legs. The boots also sagged down, giving a very unappealing and repulsive look.

Yes, and this was me. Can you imagine how I feel? Probably not.

"Isn't she just adorable?" Peter asked. Yeah, if you think Hagrid and McGonagall's child would be adorable.

The girls behind me burst out laughing, rolling on the floor and all.

Don't you see why I just love girls?

A very red faced Remus grinned and took my arm. He began leading me towards the common room.

"I can't believe you did this to me. Is this how the ugly people feel? I am not an ugly person!" I wailed.

Remus stifled a snort, "Yeah, Prongs of course. Now, most people are in class right now, so this is your chance."

I gulped. Was it time for me to cross the border to the girl's staircase already?

"Now, remember," Sirius said from behind me, "We're here purely for Mission: 'Get some girls in the year before us to transform James into looking and acting like a girl so the spell which normally makes the stairs turn into a slide when a boys steps on them gets confused and goes kaboom for a little while so that James can quickly sneak upstairs and steal the jacket – along with Adrianne Turner's underwear – and then sneak back downstairs, burn the jacket, and give me the underwear'. No fooling around."

I nodded dumbly, not hearing a word he had just said.

"Come on, Prongs!" Sirius cheered as he thumped my back.

Hard, if I might add.

I stumbled forward nervously. Honestly, heels are really painful. I bit my lip and looked back one last time.

The Marauders stood, cheering me on.

But what shocked me was what was behind them.

Behind them, stood a huge crowd of anxious boys of all sizes. Those boys were all standing there for me. I felt a lump begin to form in my throat.

Did all these people skip class?

"All right, James, it's now or never," Remus said with an encouraging smile.

Peter then gave me a huge grin and stepped forward. He began chanting, "Prongs! Prongs! Prongs!"

The crowd began to join in, slowly and steadily, and soon loudly with a lot of encouragement. This was it.

I can do this.

The assurance I had when I was a fifth year slowly began returning to me. The confidence, the bravery, the cockiness, the arrogance.

I'm going to make it into the girls' dormitories. I can do thi.! I will do this! I will get that jacket.

I am a girl!

I bravely took a step onto the first step of the stairs and waited. Nothing happened. Wait a second, NOTHING HAPPENED!

I cheered in delight, turned around, and faced the crowd. They all began cheering, clapping, screaming, hugging each other, and causing chaos.

It was wonderful. I was the first boy ever to walk up the girl's staircase without having it turn into a slide. I was a legend.

I blew out a kiss to all my fans who were all still cheering and screaming and jogged up the stairs, swinging my hips in a girlish manner.

The cheering became fainter as I reached the top of the stairs and looked around anxiously. It was basically the same as the boys' dormitory, except the wall wasn't covered in portraits of famous Quidditch players. Figures.

I was purely here on business, and I had work to do. I bit my lip hard and pushed open the door that would have normally have been the seventh years' beds in the boys' dormitory.

There, right in front of me, lay the jacket that had captivated my mind in a heap on what would have been my bed. So this was the seventh years' beds, and the bed right across from me was Lily's bed.

And that was where my bed would have been if we were in the boys' dormitory. It is destiny, I tell you, destiny.

My eyes traveled down to the jacket and I immediately began jogging towards it. Finally, I would be able to burn that deer which had been closer to my Lily than I had. Finally.

I stretched out my hand, ready to take it, and-

Wait! What am I doing? I'm standing right in front of Lily Evans' bed, next to her trunk, and I'm surrounded by her stuff! Why am I not taking advantage of this?

I immediately hopped into Lily's bed. Look, I've been in Lily's bed! I grabbed her hairbrush and gave it a quick whiff. Ah, she smells like pineapples. I then pulled open her trunk and grabbed a random book. Now I have one of her precious books.

Then, as if on cue, Sirius's words raced through my mind- _'"Now, remember," Sirius had said from behind me, "We're here purely for Mission: 'Get some girls in the year before us to transform James into looking and acting like a girl so the spell which normally makes the stairs turn into a slide when a boys steps on them gets confused and goes kaboom for a little while so that James can quickly sneak upstairs and steal the jacket – along with Adrianne Turner's underwear – and then sneak back downstairs, burn the jacket, and give me the underwear'. No fooling around."'_

So, now I need to get Adrianne Turner's underwear. Oh, why not? Padfoot helped me; I'll give him some dirt he can use against Turner.

Automatically, I turned around and scanned the beds to see which one would be Adrianne Turner's.

I stopped at the one with the pink and fluffy trunk. Duh…

I raced towards the trunk and threw it open. Makeup, scarves, jewelry, cloaks, magazines… Come on, that girl does wear underwear, right?

Suddenly, I paused as I heard footsteps.

"James Potter! Is that you?" A familiar voice screamed.

I felt my blood freeze. I knew that voice.

I gulped slowly and turned to face the doorway.

There, in all her beauty, stood none other than Lily Evans. She was wearing a huge, fluffy white robe and had a towel wrapped around her hair. Wasn't she supposed to be at Transfiguration?

"What are you doing?" She asked in a dangerously low voice. She then looked down at my clothing and wrinkled up her nose, "What are you wearing?"

Oh, great. This has got to be the worst day of my life.

I bit my lip and looked down, relieved to find the jacket untouched and far away, but not so relieved to find them in Adrianne Turner's trunk.

"Stealing Turner's underwear?" I asked in a squeaky voice. Smooth, Potter, smooth. I'm sure Lily just loves her boys with chipmunk voices.

Well, maybe she does. She does wear deerskin, so maybe-

"You're Head boy, Potter," Lily said in disbelief.

I heard giggling and turned towards the doorway.

There, at the door, stood none other than Adrianne Turner herself, watching me hold up her underwear. And she GIGGLED?

I think I'm going to be sick.

"OUT!" Lily screamed, interrupting my thoughts.

I gulped, gave the jacket one last longing look, and charged out the doorway, underwear and all.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"Prongs!" A cheery voice greeted me.

I turned around to face the very happy and handsome face of Sirius Black. He was looking at my hands with a huge grin.

"Brilliant! You got the underwear," Sirius exclaimed as he snatched from me and examined it, "Weird, I always imagined Turner to be the thong type."

He's so unobservant.

"I'm depressed!" I cried, looking up at him as if it were the most obvious thing ever. Which it was.

"You are? Again? Why?" Sirius asked in a concerned tone as he examined the thong. But that tone didn't fool me. You see, he was actually using his FAKE concerned tone. Big difference.

"Well, let's see… Lily hates me, this mascara isn't washable, Adrianne Turner thinks I have the hots for her, and Lily still has the bloody jacket!" I yelled.

Sirius sighed, looked up at me, and put an arm on my shoulder. Really, the guy isn't too bad. He gives good advice and he is my brother. "Look, Prongs, you know Evans. You talk to her tomorrow, she'll ignore you for a few hours, and you'll slowly mesh back together." He snatched a glass of hot milk and a cookie from a fourth year, "Like cookies and milk. The hard, yet still tasty cookie needs to spend a few moments in the hot milk to see that the milk's really not that hot and soften up."

I blinked, "Huh?"

"Never mind," He sighed. "And as for the mascara… use hot water, it really helps. For Adrianne Turner, I have dirt on her. By tomorrow she'll be avoiding me – and alas, avoiding you." He took a bite of the cookie, and the fourth year left, looking extremely put out.

"What about the jacket?" I asked, as that was the biggest of my problems.

"Prongs, just forget about the jacket for a while. She'll probably forget about it in a few days, too. Girls do stuff like that," Sirius said as he put his feet up on the coffee table.

Okay, since when was he an expert on females?

"Since when were you an expert on females?" I asked, unable to keep the thought in my head.

Sirius laughed lightly, "Oh, naïve, naïve Prongs. I have my ways."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, "Yeah sure."

"I do."

He so doesn't.

I sighed and began walking up towards the boys' dormitory.

"Hey, where are you going?" He called after me.

"Need some bloody hot water to wash off this bloody mascara," I muttered.

I heard Sirius bark with laughter. Literally.

"Make sure you scrub hard enough, or you'll only have a huge blotchy, black mess on your face tomorrow morning!" he yelled.

Girls. I'll never get them.

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** Author's Note: REVIEW PLEASE!**


	4. Knickers, Moping, and Blue, Fuzzy Books

**Author's Note: I think I did a good job with updating this week. It's only been around a week since my last update! Well, enjoy this chapter! I know the title of this chapter is very un...interesting, but I guess we'll survive. Here are review responses for all reviews posted after 12-15-2006:  
**

**Clara- **_**Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you find it funny! It's sort of like the stupid, idiotic funny, but hey, that's my favorite type!  
**_** eternal-charmer- **_**I have updated soon, thankfully. The idea was actually inspired by a very big thanksgiving feast ;)  
**_** Isolde Eris- **_**Thanks for reviewing again! It really makes me happy to know you like it!  
**_** LaughingManiac**_**- She's actually not skipping Transfiguration. James just lost track of time, the loser. :D **_  
**  
I don't own Harry Potter. But he owns my heart, mind, and soul...  
**

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**Chapter Four: Knickers, Moping, and Blue, Fuzzy Books**

The next morning I moodily marched down to breakfast.

The mascara had totally washed off – thank goodness – But I was still in a horrible mood. I mean, Lily still did hate me, right?

Okay, so I couldn't blame her for hating me. I did throw away the present her grandfather, sneak into the girl's dormitory, etc.

And where did I get? No where.

I carelessly made my way over to the table and sat down hard in my usual spot, "Morning, my fellow Marauders," I greeted my usual way, "Horrible day, isn't it?

"Not really," three voices responded.

I turned to face the Marauders with a frown. They had obviously been sitting here for a long time. Remus was reading a novel, Sirius was using carrots as drumsticks on the back of some extremely uncomfortable fourth year's head, and Peter was stacking tater tots.

I really need to get them new hobbies.

"What are you talking about?" I asked them in disbelief.

"Prongs, just because you're having an off-day, it doesn't mean we all are," Remus explained dully.

I don't get it.

"Yeah, you're right," I lied.

Sirius stopped banging his carrot sticks on the back of he forth year's head and turned to face me with a grin, "Besides, today is Saturday."

Saturday. What happens on Saturday?

Oh right, pranking.

"I can't prank! I'm Head Boy!" I whined.

"Well, you can still help us set up the prank. We won't tell if we get caught," Peter offered.

I love that kid. Pranking would definitely help me forget about Lily.

"Yeah, I'd like that," I said casually as I grabbed a crumpet and took a small bite, "Have any ideas?"

Sirius grinned at me and scooted towards me, "Prongs, do you wanna hear a story?"

"Sure…" I replied, giving him a strange look. I mean, come on, we're seventeen. I grew out of story time by the time I was fourteen. Duh.

Of course, you can imagine how a story Sirius wrote would go.

"All right. Once upon a time, there was a very handsome man names Sirius Black. He had gorgeous, misty gray eyes and smile that could-" Sirius began.

"Can we speed this up?" Remus asked impatiently, looking at his watch.

Sirius pouted, "Fine. Well, a few weeks ago I was looking for another girl to snog, because it was Snog-fest Sunday, of course. So, I saw Adrianne Turner and was all like, 'Wanna make out in the broom closet?' and she agreed. So, Turner and I have a nice, heated snogging session. She was pretty good, but her lip gloss tasted a bit like-"

"Sirius!" We all yelled, looking disgusted. Yes, I do snog girls, or at least often used to, but I really don't want to here about Sirius's snogging sessions. His are too graphic.

"Fine," Sirius muttered, "All right, so we were kissing and all, but then McGonagall opens the door and gets all upset. Honestly, the lady doesn't get that 'snog-fest Sunday' means that snogging is required. Anyway, so do you know what Turner does? Do you? Do you?"

"No," I responded dully as Peter let out a snore.

"Well, she put the entire blame on me. She made me sound like some git who randomly grabbed her and began snogging her face off! I only do that to fifth years," Sirius grumbled, "And now I have three weeks detention."

Sometimes I wonder how the lad's still alive. Okay, so maybe Sirius didn't deserve that detention, but I'd have expected McGonagall to have killed him by now.

"Sorry, mate," I said sympathetically, as I finished up my crumpet, "What are we going to do about it?"

"Something that involves her underwear?" Remus guessed absently as he shook Peter awake.

Sirius nodded slyly, "While Turner and I were having our nice snogging session, I happened to get a glimpse of her knickers."

"And…" Peter asked sleepily.

Sirius instantly whipped out the underwear I had stolen the other day. Still the same pink, blinding color.

"So?" I asked slowly. "Those are the ones I stole the other day. What about th- Is that Robbins?"

Sirius nodded. He had just turned them around so we were looking at the seat of the knickers. And there, grinning and all, was a seventh year Ravenclaw beater, Jake Robbins.

"Bizarre," Remus muttered, staring hard at the picture of Jake, who just winked at him.

Sirius smirked, "Tell me about it. And she's got a boyfriend, you know. Lionel."

"Poor kid, Lionel. He's got to sleep in the same room as us and his girlfriend has Jake Robbins on her arse," I commented, trying to hold back laughter.

"Nah, Smith deserves it," Sirius said, who dislikes Lionel very much. He then turned to face me, "Okay, Prongs, I'm going to hang this on the huge statue in the Great Hall. But I'll need the cloak. Is that all right?"

"Fine," I answered, grinning. "It's in under my bed. You can get it."

Sirius saluted to us and began his way out of the Great Hall.

"So, how are things between you and Lily?" Remus asked casually.

He just had to bring it up, didn't he?

"Horrible, Moony. She probably hates my guts right now," I said sadly, staring hard at my empty plate.

Peter patted my back reassuringly, "I'm sure it's temporary."

"I hope so," I said, glancing towards where she usually sat. She was sitting next to some other seventh year Gryffindors, including Turner. I watched her throw her head back and laugh at something, her beautiful, green eyes were sparkling. I sighed audibly.

I absolutely, positively hate it when Lily's angry at me. It's official.

"Do you reckon she'll forgive me any time soon?" I asked moodily.

"Sure," Remus said in a very unconvincing voice. He elbowed Peter and Peter quickly began nodding.

I'm a goner.

"PRONGS!" Sirius yelled, running towards me.

How did he do that so fast?

"What, Sirius? How did you get the cloak so fast?" I asked quietly.

Sirius held his bulging knapsack and had doubled over, panting hard. It was a good thing we always made this much sound, because no one had even noticed his outburst.

"Prongs," Sirius wheezed, ignoring my question, "I didn't know you had Evans' diary!"

Huh?

"What?"

"Evans' diary," Sirius exclaimed, "You never told us you stole it!"

Maybe he's drunk again.

"Padfoot," I began slowly, "I don't have Lily's diary. I didn't even know she had a diary."

Sirius rolled his eyes and slipped his hand in his knapsack. Moments later, he pulled out a thick, fuzzy, blue book. It was the same book I had taken when I had first entered gotten into the girl's dormitory.

"Damn it," I muttered, looking down at it, "I forgot to put it back." I looked up at my friends, "I kind of took it after I smelled Lily's hair brush."

All of their faces twisted into confusion.

"Why were you getting high on Lily's hair brush?" Peter asked, but Sirius immediately pushed him aside.

"Forget that!" He exclaimed as he shoved the diary into my hands, "Go ahead! Read it!"

Who was he kidding? I couldn't read her diary. Diaries have very personal and private thoughts. Not that I've ever had one.

Well, maybe I did. I was eight, okay?

"I can't read her diary," I reasoned, "The woman already hates me."

"I'm proud of you, James," Remus said, giving me a pat on the back. I beamed at him. You can always count on Remus to make me feel better.

Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled me out of Remus's reach, "Don't be stupid, Prongs. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You know you want to…"

I looked down at the book. I could't do it. If she finds out… I would be worse than dead. I would die single. I would throw away my life.

But what if she doesn't find out? I could find out what Lily really thinks about me. Maybe I would actually have some chance of getting Lily Evans.

But what are the chances of that?

"Nothing will make me open this book," I decided, crossing my arms stubbornly.

"Do it," Sirius growled menacingly.

I gulped. Sirius is a great guy and all, but his teeth are really pointy, "I'll do it."

"Good," Sirius said.

I gave my friends a last look. Sirius was grinning, Peter looked curious, and Remus had a small frown. I sighed and opened up to a random page:

'_November 29, 1969_

_Dear Diary,_

_I cant belive I'm finally nine. All my frends have been nine for alot of months by now. Its been five days of course but I still can belive it. I'm a bit sad though because I still never got the pirate eye patch I wanted. It feels too sily to ask Mummy or my friends. What if they laugh._

_Today, Mummy took Petunia and I shoping since its Saterday. It was sooooooo fun! I got a new jacket. Mummy even let me have an ice-cream cone. It was strawberry my favorite flavor._

_Daddy has gone on another trip again. His job people are really annoying. I hope he comes back soon. I miss him._

_Love,_

_Lily'_

"Wow," I whispered, staring hard at the page.

Remus peered over my shoulder, "She spelled believe wrong. And numerous other words."

Oh, come on, believe is hard to spell!

I smacked his shoulder, "She was nine, you moron. I bet Peter can't even spell believe."

"I can spell believe," Peter protested, going red. He so couldn't.

"But what I never knew was that strawberry ice cream was her favorite flavor. Or that her dad often goes on business trips," I turned to face my friends, "I used to think that I knew everything about Lily. But I guess I don't."

Sirius patted my back, "See, mate? Told you reading it was a good idea. Now I have a prank to pull. Good day." He waved, swung his knapsack over his shoulder, and casually began his way towards the teacher's table, which was now empty. Actually, the whole hall was empty.

"Maybe we should go outside or something," Remus suggested, clearly thinking the same thing I was, "There's no one else here."

I looked down at the books. Which would I rather do…? Show off with the Marauders or stalk Lily?

The second choice, of course.

"You guys go ahead," I directed as I shut the book and shoved it under my cloak. "I'm going to the common room to read."

Peter frowned, "You're studying? But you hate studying."

I stuck out my tongue at him and waved. Sure, I want to read about Lily Evans's childhood, but I honestly don't want to wreck my reputation.

I began running up the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room, passed the Fat Lady, and plopped down in the chair by the fire.

Of course I wouldn't read for too long. Just for a short while.

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**A/N: Hmmm... What'd you think? Too many mistakes? Too boring? Too pointless? Tell me in a review, please! Just to tell you, next chapter may be a bit late. I'm going on vacation from Sunday, December 23 to around Friday, December 29 or Saturday, December 30.  
**


	5. A Breakup, Chess, and Disappointment

**Author's Note: Repost! Tell me what you think. )  
**

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**Chapter Five: Breakups, Chess, and Disappointment**

_'June 2, 1963' _

_Dear Diary, _

_The end of the year exams are nearing and I am extremely nervous. I've studied and all, but I really can't help it. I feel stupid. I'm in my sixth year at Hogwarts and I'm still getting all anxious. _

_Sure, it's b-' _

"James!" A voice interrupted. A voice I know very well.

I ignored it.

_'- oring, and I think we've already got way too much homework from the teachers, I've been studying like my life depends on it. I've even read over the whole Transfiguration textbook. Okay, so I skimmed, same thi-' _

"PRONGS!"

Why won't he shut up?

_'ng. I feel kind of guilty. Everyone thinks I'm so smart, but I hate to read. _

_Anyway, it seems like everyone's trying to make life harder for me. Arielle starts ranting about how I'm losing it every time I say I have to study, Gertrude is taking all my notes, Larissa keeps asking me for favors, and Trish even spilled milk on my knapsack.' _

"PRONGSIEPOO!"

Well, at least I wasn't the only one with an annoying best friend. Lily has Arielle McKinnon as hers, while I have the biggest pain in the world as mine.

_'I know they don't mean it, but then there are the really big pains who do mean to be annoying. The biggest one of all – you guessed it, Diary – Potter. The git won't just sod off. He's always following me around, taunting me, and acting all cool. It is so repulsive. Yet at the same time, he can sort of be-' _

"PROOOOOOOOOOOOOO –"

"What do you want, Sirius?" I demanded loudly, looking up at my friend who was gazing down at me, pouting.

Sirius looked relieved to finally have gotten my attention, "I'm bored."

I glared at him hard and shut the diary, "Padfoot, you're the one who told me to read the diary in the first place."

"I didn't mean read it for twenty-nine hours straight!" Sirius cried, flailing his arms around in a really annoying way. "You haven't even gotten up to eat."

But he doesn't know that I have my wand to summon the food to me…

"Her diary is so interesting, though!" I exclaimed, "Even though she hardly talks about me, she still used my first name once or twice. Did you have any idea that she had a cat named Turpentine who only ate fried tangerines?"

Sirius blinked, "No…"

I've always wanted to taste a fried tangerine.

"Yes, Turpentine got run over by some muggle machine which cuts grass," I said sadly.

Sirius sighed, "You've officially gone insane. Look, you've missed all the action of Turner's prank!"

Now this I wanted to hear. I shoved my books and knapsack off to a side and sat up straight.

"How'd it go?"

"Now he wonders," Sirius chuckled as he lazily leaned back in his chair. "Well, I went over to the Great Hall and hung Turner's knickers on that statue the third years made in muggle studies. After, I got as many people to gather around it. Then, I got a few younger girls to go get Turner. She came to the Great Hall, and there was half the school – including Jake Robbins - looking up at her underwear."

There was a moment of silence.

Weren't pranks supposed to be really fun tricks? I don't see where Sirius tricked Adrianne. Sure, he embarrassed her and stuff, but I still really wasn't funny.

Sirius obviously noticed my dull expression, because he immediately smirked.

"And what made it even more fun was that Turner screamed 'Give me back my underwear!' in front of everyone, so they all knew it was hers," He added.

My mouth dropped open.

"What happened?" I asked eagerly.

Sirius grinned triumphantly, "Well, she's the school's laughing stock and Lionel dumped her."

"Cruel…" I said quietly, shutting my mouth.

Who cares? That was bloody brilliant!

"No one messes with Sirius Black," Sirius said proudly.

"Cheers to that," I chimed in, grinning.

We laughed, but I couldn't help to feel a wave of guilt pass through me as Lionel Smith stomped in through the portrait hole and stormed up to our dormitory. The two of us stared after him for a few moments.

"You know," I began cautiously "We really ought to go talk to him."

"I dunno," Sirius responded quietly, "We didn't ask him to break up with her."

I couldn't help but to snort. Sirius is so horrible at playing innocent.

"Let's at least go talk to him," I suggested, trying to be the nice guy.

Sirius stared at me for a few moments and then sighed, "Fine, fine, let's go…"

We slowly got up and trudged over to the familiar staircase, carefully making our way towards our dormitory. I slipped into the room first, followed immediately by Sirius.

When we entered, Lionel was sitting on his bed, glaring at some picture in his hand and muttering inaudibly.

"Hey, Lionel," I greeted casually as I flopped down on my own bed – making sure not to mess up the well made sheets. "How are you?" Sirius plopped down next to me and we looked at him curiously.

Lionel, on the other hand, didn't seem so keen about being kind, "What do you want?"

"We want to know how you are," I repeated. He's stupider than I thought.

Lionel frowned, "Well, I feel like any other guy who just realized their girlfriend had a picture of some loser glued on her knickers."

And how many other guys find themselves in this situation? Probably none.

"Look, mate, we're sorry. We didn't mean for that to happen," Sirius said calmly.

I turned and glared at Sirius. He was the biggest idiot ever.

Lionel's eyes widened, "You did that?"

Sirius realized what he had just done and went red, "Yeah…"

I rumpled up my hair. It was a nervous habit. Even though it messes up my hair – which is already extremely messy, much to my annoyance at times - it makes me look cooler and calmer, "We didn't mean for it to affect you."

"Does Adrianne know that you lot were the ones with the knickers?" Lionel asked, ignoring my last comment.

I frowned, "She doesn't know about Sirius, but she saw me steal it," I said carefully.

Lionel laughed a very hollow laugh, "Stop feeling bad for me, Potter, she's going to murder you."

I'd like to see a girl who starts bawling and screaming that she has to go to St Mungo's every time she breaks a nail kill me.

I laughed, "Don't worry; she has no dirt on me."

Did she?

"She'll think of something," Lionel said, smirking as he got up and slowly made his way to the bathroom, staring at me weirdly the whole time.

The freak.

"Don't worry, mate, nothing will go wrong," Sirius said reassuringly.

I forced a smile, "I'm not worried, Padfoot." I got up off my bed, "Up for a game of exploding snap?"

Sirius grinned, "You're on!"

**» ****♦****♦****♦****♦****♦****♥****♦****♦****♦****♦****♦****«**

"No, you idiot! Get his queen!" The pawn yelled at me roughly.

I glared at it hatefully.

"We'll lose our bishop, then," I said through gritted teeth.

The pawn glared back, "We can afford to lose him."

"No we can't."

"Yes we can."

"No we c -"

"James," Remus interrupted, "Please stop arguing with my _prized_ chess pieces."

I pouted, "Well, if it wasn't being so disobedient…"

"I'm hungry!" Peter whined as his stomach growled, "We're late for dinner."

He can be so irritating.

Sirius frowned at Peter, "We're almost done, Wormtail. I'm going to win."

Yeah, he's going to win and Snape is my idol.

"He won't win. I said, rolling my eyes.

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"Wi –"

"_Enough_," Remus began loudly with a menacing look, "With the bloody arguing!" And just to express his anger, he kicked the table the chess set was on, breaking it into two. He glared at us hard, breathing unevenly and red faced.

Peter, Sirius, and I shrank back, looking at him quietly. That was very un-Remus like.

The color drained from Remus's face, restoring it to its usual pallor, and his expression went back to the usual calm one he always wore. "Now let's go to dinner," He said coolly, as if we had just been discussing the weather.

The three of us nodded and followed Remus obediently.

The walk to the Great Hall was a silent one. We clearly were very late, as the hallways were all empty.

We entered the Great Hall quietly and grabbed our usual spot – it was empty as the Gryffindors knew better than to try and take it – and began dishing food in our plate greedily.

"Today was a pretty good day," Sirius commented as he took a bite of some roast beef, "Too bad Prongs here spent the whole day reading." He shot me a dirty look.

I did a rude hand gesture, causing some second years nearby to choke on their pumpkin juice. Sirius grinned.

"Who knew James even knew how to read," Remus said lightly, sipping some water.

Now they're just being mean.

Peter, luckily, changed the topic, "Tomorrow's Monday. This week's going to be so boring."

"Wormtail's right," I commented, "We have nothing fun to do besides pranking anymore." I paused for a second, "And I can't prank, either."

We couldn't even play Quidditch; the thing which usually kept my life interesting, since Madam Hooch - the referee - had supposedly 'broken fifty-seven bones in a horrible flying accident involving some very ill behaved hippogriffs'. The Quidditch pitch was off-limits until she came back, and she would supposedly be back in a few weeks.

"Well, we're probably going to have tons of homework," Remus said gravely, "You know how the professors are – They love to pile stuff on us before Winter Break. And I doubt the fact that the N.E.W.T.s are this year is going to make them back down any."

Oh joy.

"Can I have your attention?" A familiar voice called loudly.

I frowned and turned around. My heart sank as I saw the source. Adrianne Turner. But what really made dread wash over me was what was in her hands.

You guessed it – Lily's diary.

"No," I whispered hoarsely as the entire Great Hall faced her, professors and all. I had left the diary in the common room, where she could've easily gotten it.

I looked over at Lily, who had also spotted the diary, and looked dumbstruck.

"Everyone knows Lily Evans, right? We all think she's beautiful, talented, perfect, and just a wonderful girl in every way," Adrianne boomed, smirking at Lily. Everyone turned to face Lily, except for me. I glared at Adrianne menacingly.

"Well," Adrianne continued, "Let's listen to what she thinks of herself."

The Great Hall was silent as Adrianne opened up the diary to a bookmarked page. I felt my blood turn cold and I turned to face Lily again, who was extremely pale and looked faint.

"December 13, 1973

Dear Diary,

"I love to ice skate so much, Diary. It snowed yesterday, so today I went to skate on the frozen lake. There was hardly anyone outside, as most people were catching up on homework. I'm so thankful I did it early.

"But when I ice skate, a whole new feeling comes over me. It's like I'm a swan, the most beautiful thing ever. When I glide across the ice, I feel free and in charge. I can do anything I want whatever I want. I feel like I'm the Queen of the world.

"I love to ice skate so much. I could do it all day and all night.

"Love,

Lily," Adrianne read loudly.

There was a moment of silence. It was as if the world had frozen. I turned to face Lily, who was beet red and on the verge of tears.

Then, the thing I had hoped so much wouldn't happen, happened. The whole Hall burst out laughing. Everywhere I looked, they were laughing at her. Lily covered her face with her hands in embarrassment.

"Hey, Lily, I never knew you thought so highly of yourself!" A random voice called out somewhere in the crowd, "Or should I say _Queen _Lily?"

The laughing became louder and my fists clenched. I hadn't found it funny when I first read it. "Stop it!" I snapped.

I was ignored, but unfortunately for me, Adrianne heard me and remembered her main duty.

"I'd like to thank James Potter, for giving me the diary I just read to you," Adrianne called out between fits of laughter.

I swore obscenely under my breath and felt my heart sink even lower. There went any chance I had at getting Lily's friendship back. I looked over at Lily, who was now scooping up her books, Arielle's arm around her.

I met Lily's eyes for a second. They didn't hold the same fury they usually held. In fact, they seemed emotionless. She turned abruptly and ran out of the Great Hall.

I looked over at the Marauders, who also turned out to be glaring at Adrianne instead of laughing much to my relief, "I'm going after her, okay?"

The boys nodded. I heard the professors finally get up and try to hush the crowd. Thank goodness.

I needed to talk to Lily. I gave the Hall one last look and ran out the door, my stomach missing the dinner which had been interrupted.

Immediately, I pulled out a piece of parchment from my pocket. Please be the Marauders Map…

I slipped my wand out of my pocket and placed the tip on the parchment, "I solemnly swear that up to no good…"

Nothing happened. Damn it.

I jammed the paper back in my robes along with my wand, but silenced as I heard a loud, muffled sob.

Lily.

I looked over at a broom closet near me and felt my stomach flip flop. This was definitely where she was.

Bracing myself, I slowly opened the door and looked down. Lily was sitting on the ground, red faced with tears pouring out of her eyes. Her head was resting on Arielle's shoulder, whose blue eyes were glaring at me, "What do you want, Potter?"

I ignored her. I didn't have time for her.

"Lily," I said, kneeling down in front of her, "I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean for her to get the diary. I hate her. I swear."

She didn't respond or look at me. I sighed.

"Please don't be mad," I begged. She was a silent for a few minutes, and I stared at her blankly.

"I'm not mad," Lily finally said. Both Arielle and I looked at her in shock, "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed."

I continued sitting quietly, feeling numb.

"I'm disappointed in you, James," she continued, "I had really thought you had begun to mature. Lately, you've been getting on my nerves, but deep down, I knew you were trying your hardest. But now… I'm not sure anymore."

I felt as if I had just stabbed. Why couldn't she just be angry? Why couldn't she just call me a git and scream at me to get out of her face?

"I didn't give her the diary," I repeated faintly.

Lily looked away again, "I don't care how she got the diary and I don't care that I'm going to be called 'swan-girl' from now on. I frankly don't give a crap about the situation at all."

With that, she pulled herself up with Arielle's help, and the two left without giving me another glance.

I stared blankly at the wall in front of me, not knowing what to do.

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**A/N: Review!**


	6. Locker Rooms, Practice, and Rotten Fruit

**A/N: Another repost. x3**

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The next few weeks went by slowly and dully, yet with quite a few changes.

For one thing, we're piled with homework. All the stupid professors seem to enjoy making our lives miserable and use the Christmas Break as their excuse.

Luckily, we Marauders knew how to manage. We split the work evenly – Remus having the most work, Peter having the least, and got it over with on the weekend. Now, we had the whole week free.

"Five more days until Christmas Break," I cheered, as Sirius and I trudged towards the Quidditch Pitch, me holding my broom tight.

Madam Hooch has finally returned, and Sirius and I were on are way to the first practice of the year. It was my first year being Gryffindor captain, but I wasn't nervous. The only bad thing was that the winter was turning out to be a very cold one. It was only the nineteenth, yet we had already had snow four times. Right now, Hogwarts only had patches of dirty, old snow from a few days ago covering the grounds.

Sirius turned and grinned at me, "I know, mate. I can't wait to see Mummy Potter again."

I frowned a bit at the mention of my mother, "She's sick with Dragon Pox again. I have no idea how she gets it."

"We're still going to visit her, right?" Sirius asked anxiously as we reached the pitch and opened the gate.

"'Course we are," I said as I pulled a key out of my pocket and fidgeted with the lock on the door leading to the locker room. Mum always has sick with something ever since Dad died last year. She was already fifty-seven, quite old for a woman with a seventeen year old child. "I'm going to miss Dad, though."

"Me too," Sirius said slowly. "He was a good man."

"Very," I agreed. We pushed open the door and I made my way to the broom cupboard and opened it. I set my broom off to a side.

Sirius stayed by the door. He seemed to be struggling to say something. I looked over at him curiously as I heaved the huge trunk with the Quidditch balls out of the cupboard, "Grab my broom, would you?"

"Yeah," Sirius said slowly as he walked over to where I had pushed off my Nimbus five hundred and grabbed it.

We began our way out onto the pitch.

"James," Sirius began slowly and suddenly, "How are things with Evans going?"

I didn't answer and kept walking. I hadn't had any interaction with Lily since the broom closet incident. It was obvious she was avoiding me. She always sits as far away from me humanly possible in the classes she has with me, she usually leaves me notes when she tells me about planned Hogsmeade dates and events, and she avoids me when we have to do rounds.

For the first week after what Turner did, Lily was teased non-stop about her being 'Queen Lily' or a 'Swan-girl' and what not. There were already many girls jealous of her and after hearing the diary entry, they could easily call Lily a slut to make her sound bad. Luckily, the teasing died down eventually, probably since people got distracted by all the homework the professors had dumped on us.

I really hope Lily got her diary back, but I know for a fact that Adrianne got punished. She probably just got some house points off and detention, though.

"I shouldn't have brought it up," Sirius said after seeing I wasn't going to reply.

We reached the middle of the pitch and I set the trunk down, "It's fine, really. She hasn't talk to me yet."

"I'm sure she will soon, Prongs. No girl can resist your charm," Sirius said, smirking as he handed me my broom. I grinned thankfully at Sirius. He's a great friend.

"Oy, Potter!" A loud voice screeched from the other side of the field, "We're ready to play!"

I turned and faced my team as they strode over to me.

"Good," I called as they arrived, "About time."

I looked down at my team, all standing stick straight gripping their brooms tight. They looked like they were about to start training for some bloody army.

"Well," I said clearing my throat, "Do we need introductions?"

"No," They replied in unison.

I frowned, "Alright, then, let's start."

"Hey! What's Black doing here?" Larissa Hopkins, one of the beaters, asked loudly. Larissa was a tomboy and the only member of the team who was also in the seventh year. She was pretty close with Lily, "He's not on the team!"

"Why are you even asking, Larissa?" Benjy Diggle, a very annoying, short fourth year asked loudly. "Everyone knows Black is Potter's lapdog!"

I glared at him. I hate that kid. If he wasn't such a good seeker, I'd probably kick his arse.

"Shut up!" Sirius snapped, looking vicious.

I sighed, "Benjy, Sirius here has volunteered to be 'broom boy'."

"Broom boy?" Amber Vance, a sixth year who played keeper asked with a quirked eyebrow, "What's that?"

Sirius grinned, "I get to give you your brooms!"

"Erm… We already have our brooms," Tyler Fisher, the quiet fifth year who also played beater pointed out.

Sirius pouted and looked up at me. I sighed. He was so pathetic.

"Alright, team, give him your brooms," I said clearly, giving him my own broom.

The team groaned, but handed Sirius their brooms.

"This is so idiotic," Riana Lopez groaned loudly. She played chaser.

"Totally," Chris Dirge– another chaser who was also my cousin – agreed.

It took a few minutes for Sirius to finally get all the brooms to their rightful owners. A few very slow minutes.

I gave Sirius a death glare as he finally handed Riana her broom and sighed audibly.

Way to waste five minutes of my life, Padfoot.

Luckily, Sirius got the message that he was unwanted and ran off after a group of Slytherins as they passed the pitch. Hopefully, he'll hex the daylights out of them.

Wow, I really am the worst Head Boy ever.

"All right," I said in a clear, sturdy voice, trying my hardest to sound like what my father would have sounded like if he were here, "I have good news and bad news for you, team."

"Go on," Chris prompted. I gave him a 'shut up, I know you're mum' sort of look, and he closed his mouth.

I cleared my throat, "Right. The bad news is that we've got our first game the day after we come back from Christmas break against Hufflepuff, who seemingly has improved a lot, so we have no practice except this one."

Everyone stared at me, wide eyed.

"And the good news?" Amber asked.

"This year looks like it's gonna be a great year."

"Looks like a normal year to me," Riana interjected carelessly.

Benjy nodded, "Yeah, Potter, what's so special about this year?"

It's special 'cause I'm Captain!

"First of all, _Benjy_, we are a _team_, so we address each other by our _first names_. Got it?" I asked through gritted teeth, glaring down at the kid. Why does he always have to be such a brat?

Benjy looked back up at me rebelliously, "What if I don't get it, _Potter_?"

Now he's crossed the line.

"That's it!" I barked, "Five laps around the pitch! GO!"

Benjy swore obscenely and violently straddled his broom before taking off at a very fast speed.

I smiled in content. I love to put little kids in misery. Wait… No... I didn't just think that…

"Okay, now that we've gotten that over with, let's take out the equipment," I said in a loud voice.

There really wasn't much we could do at that point.

Riana, Chris, and I took off first, practicing tossing the quaffle from person to person while whizzing around the field, occasionally shooting.

Larissa and Tyler flew up in the air, practicing to hit the Bludger, except using a charmed orange instead. I have no idea why they're so fond of hitting rotten fruit, but they insist that the bludgers are too violent. They're just too scared.

Amber had charmed another quaffle to keep coming back to her and trying to enter one of the three hoops over and again. She was working hard to block the. This was my idea, thank you very much. See, I am genius.

Eventually, Benjy finished his laps and joined in, chasing after the snitch. It took the kid about ten minutes to catch.

_I _could have done it in two minutes.

We continued until Larissa accidentally smashed an orange into Amber's face. I dismissed the team wearily right after, all of them arguing over who was going to escort her to the hospital wing.

I slowly made my way to Sirius, who was sitting in the stands, smirking.

"Nice practice, eh?" He asked, hopping up.

I shrugged, "It was tiring. They're pretty good. I have faith in them." I walked over to the trunk in the middle of the field and tossed Larissa's orange-juice-covered bat into the trunk, "Help me clean up?"

Sirius nodded, still smirking, "You should have seen what I did to Snivellus."

My ears perked up as I closed the trunk and lifted it up. Sirius grabbed all the brooms and we began our way to the locker room, "What'd you do?" I asked viciously.

"That was coming from our wonderful Head Boy," Sirius announced playfully. I gave a small shove, making sure not to drop the trunk.

"I hung him from the top branch of the tall maple tree near Hagrid's," Sirius said proudly.

I laughed, trying to imagine Snape dangling helplessly. I hated Snape more than anything.

"He won't come down until he screams 'I lick Sirius Black's shoes in my spare time, just because they taste so delicious'," He continued.

I grinned and walked into the locker room, placing the trunk back in the cupboard, "Brilliant! He'll be up there for a day, and then he'll finally give in and be so humiliated."

"I know," Sirius said arrogantly, looking at his fingernails proudly.

I smirked, "Race you back to the castle!"

"You're on!" Sirius said – after I had taken off and sprinted right out of the locker room.

"HEY!" Sirius yelled, as he began running after me. He's such a loser.

I grinned and continued jogging towards the massive castle in the cold air, avoiding snow patches with Sirius a few metres behind me.


	7. Waking Up, Strawberries, and Fortnights

**Author's Note: This chapter is much more interesting. I sure thought so, at least. James does see Lily. She is dressed in muggle clothes. I did some research(Go me!), and yes, this was something you might have found a muggle wearing.  
**

**piggy396, hpisthegreatest- _I'm really sorry! I thought it was boring, too, hehe. Don't give up hope, though! This chapter is better!_  
Mystic.Moonlight817, Aliki, kluvhp, Moony8193, Isolde Eris, borabora- _Thank you all so much! -bows- You guys rock._**  
**  
I own Harry Potter. -is cornered by a very JK's lawyer- Heh, just kidding...  
**

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**Chapter Seven: Early Up, Strawberries, and Fortnights**

I let out a loud 'oomph' as a heavy weight fell on my stomach.

"Wake up, Prongs!" A familiar voice called, as a pair of hands placed themselves on my shoulders and began shaking me violently. I groaned loudly and pushed whatever had jumped on me off onto the floor.

I slowly opened my eyes, still half-asleep. Sunlight overtook my eyes, but I still managed to force them open.

I'm going to kill Sirius Black.

I yawned heavily and threw off the thick blanket which covered me, "It's bloody one o'clock in the afternoon! What do you want?" I demanded.

I'm not much of a morning person, you see.

Sirius pouted and hopped up off the floor, "The Hogwarts Express leaves in half an hour."

This woke me up.

How could it leave so early? I wasn't ready yet! Stupid train! Why didn't anyone wake me sooner?

I shoved Sirius on top of Lionel's bed – which was still occupied by Lionel - and raced into the bathroom.

I absentmindedly did a quick teeth-cleaning charm and began to strip of my shirt. I threw open one of the shower stall's door.

Unfortunately, there was another fifth year in there taking a shower. Too worried to apologize, I grabbed the poor kid by his shoulders and tossed him out of the bathroom. I stepped into the shower and tried to clear my mind.

The Hogwarts Express was leaving in an hour. I was supposed to be there already. I'm a dead man.

I spent the rest of my short shower listening to Lionel repeatedly scream "Rape! Rape! I'm being raped by Sirius Black!"

The moment I felt clean enough to make an appearance in front of Mum – and that's very clean, mind you – I popped out, did a quick drying charm, and pulled on my robes. I slowly walked out of the bathroom.

Remus was kneeled down next to Lionel's bed, trying to comfort him. Lionel was ranting continuously about how unfortunate he was to have to stay with us Marauders. I have no idea why Remus is playing therapist. I always thought he needed one himself…

"Sirius is waiting for you in the common room. He brought your trunk down for you," he said coldly.

I saluted and quietly backed out of the room, not wanting to get Lionel even more worked up. I jogged down the stairs and spotted Sirius eating a strawberry.

But it wasn't just a strawberry, it was a purple strawberry.

"Padfoot," I began slowly, "What's with the purple strawberry?"

Sirius smiled, "It helps me get the girls."

He's so stupid.

"Alright," I said, looking down at my watch-less wrist, "We have fifteen minutes before the train leaves. Let's say a quick goodbye to Remus and Peter, and then we'll take a passageway to Hogsmeade."

"Sounds good," Sirius said, looking at me weirdly.

I frowned. Why do people always look at me like that?

"Peter! Remus!" I called.

A minute later, Remus came galloping down the stairs, looking tired. Well, more tired than usual.

"What is it, guys?" He asked wearily.

I pouted. Some people are so thoughtless.

"We're leaving, Moony," Sirius said, smirking, "Don't you want to say goodbye and wish us?"

Remus smiled, "Sorry, guys." He gave us both one-armed hugs.

Ew, werewolf cooties.

"Have a great time. Happy Christmas."

"Thanks," I said, just as Sirius said, "You, too, mate."

Remus smiled again, "Sure, just leave me here with unstable Lionel Smith. I'll see you two later." He jogged back up the stairs.

Now, Peter's turn for an old-fashioned Marauder goodbye…

"Peter?" I called.

No response.

"Peter!" I repeated.

Still, no response.

"PETER!" I roared.

No bloody Peter in sight.

Oh, for Merlin's sake.

"ACCIO PETER!" I roared, whipping out my wand.

Ten seconds went by. Nothing happened.

Then, at a very fast speed, Peter hurtled towards us, laying face down on the carpet. He was wet… and naked.

"AH! MY EYES!" Sirius screamed from next to me.

I yelped and turned around, "You're naked!"

There was a pause, "I was taking a bath," He said, sounding very embarrassed.

Well, that was definitely more than enough of Peter I wanted to see in my lifetime.

I forced a chuckle, "Yeah… Talking about trains, Sirius and I better get moving. Bye."

I grabbed my trunk and began backing away.

"We weren't talking about trains…" Peter said slowly.

He's got a point there.

"TRAINS!" Sirius yelped. We both raced as fast as we could towards the fourth floor, practically broke the mirror trying to get through the trapdoor behind it, and raced through the tunnel.

Frankly speaking, I think we were afraid Peter was still following us.

We finally reached the other end of the tunnel and scuttled out – only to come face to face with a very unhappy McGonagall.

McGonagall isn't very pleasant when she's unhappy. Oh great.

"Potter!" She barked, "You were supposed to be here an hour ago to help the younger students. Ms. Evans had to do it herself!"

"Sorry, Minnie," Sirius said for me. I glared at him. He didn't even bother sounding apologetic.

I looked over at McGonagall. What would be a good excuse…?

"Snape," I blurted out.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows. "Erm… He locked us in a broom cupboard and we couldn't get out…"

I silently crossed my fingers behind my back.

McGonagall sighed, "Right. I'll be talking to him about that. Now board the train before you miss it!"

YES! AM I GOOD OR WHAT? Score one for the Pottenator!

I grinned and boarded the Hogwarts Express.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «  
**

Who knew that two hours would take so long to go by?

"How much more time?" Sirius groaned.

"We're almost there, Sirius. Five more minutes," I responded dully.

Sirius shrieked – yes, shrieked like a banshee – and began yanking at his hair, "THERE WERE FIVE MINUTES LEFT A BLOODY FORTNIGHT AGO!"

I smiled, "Fortnight's a cool word."

What else would I say?

The two of us sat in an empty compartment, surrounded by our trunks, candy wrappers, and various time-passing games like my chess set and exploding snap deck. It had been a long, weary, boring two hours. Oh well…

It excites me to think I'm seeing Mum again after so long. I hadn't seen her all summer as she had gone to St. Mungo's after Dad's death. She once inhaled a potion which weakened her immune system, so she often got sick.

Slowly, I felt the train halt. I peered out of the window, more than relieved to see a sea of faces of excited parents. Finally.

Sirius hopped up, "WOOHOO! MUMMY POTTER, HERE I COME!"

I laughed. Don't you just love that guy?

"Come on, Sirius. Let's go," I said, unable to keep the excitement out of my voice. I did a quick charm to get rid of the junk and repack my stuff, and took a hold of my trunk. We both made our way out of the compartment and climbed out of the train anxiously.

"Where is she?" Sirius asked impatiently, now jumping up and down trying to contain himself.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Stupid habits. Of course, it does make me look sexy…

Moving past my utter deliciousness.

"You know, Sirius, she may not be here," I warned him slowly.

Sirius instantly froze and looked up at me quietly, "What do you mean?"

This wouldn't be easy to explain to poor, naïve Sirius.

"Padfoot, she's got dragon pox. She may have just sent one of the house elves to come get us," I explained, trying to sound like it didn't matter.

Sirius's face instantly fell, "Oh."

I knew that would happen.

"Don't get too put down, Mate," I said, forcing a smile. I thumped him on the back, "You're still going to see her."

"But I wanted to see her _now_," Sirius said childishly.

It's times like these I wish Moony was here.

"_There_ are my boys," I heard a familiar voice suddenly call.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

I KNEW SHE WOULD COME!

"Mum!" I yelled, as Sirius and I whirled around. Sure enough, there stood Mummy Potter, standing tall and proud. By now, I was at least three inches taller than her, and Sirius was at least half a foot, but I still felt younger than her. Of course, parttly because I was.

Mummy Potter was one of those women who still looked like they were in their forties, even though she was almost sixty. She had short, fit body – I mentioned Mum was a health nut, right? – And short, gray hair. There were a few wrinkles on her face and underused spectacles sat atop her head, nested in her hair. She wore decent robes.

We were rich, you know.

At one point in time, Mum used to have long blonde hair and a, well, hourglass shaped body.

Hey you can't blame the woman. In ten years, she'll be a grandma.

"Oh, Jimmy, I missed you so much! I've been so lonely without you," she said, giving me a bear hug. I felt my cheeks burn.

There were two things wrong with what she just did:

Number one – She called me_ Jimmy_. I have no idea why, but she never calls me just plain 'James'. It's always Jimmy, or Jamesy, or Jim.

She even called me Antelope-Boy once, for Merlin's sake.

Number two – She hugged me in a public place. 'Nuff said.

Luckily, I didn't have to go through the trouble of lecturing her, as she abruptly released me and went over to Sirius.

"Oh, just look at you, Sirius!" She said in excitement, giving him his own hug.

How come he gets to be called by his normal name?!?

Unlike me, Sirius grinned, though.

"Dorea, I've missed you!" He said cheerfully.

Mum snorted, "Sirius, how many times have I told you to call me Mum?"

Oh, believe me, Mum, he's never said the name 'Dorea' since the last time he spoke to you to your face.

"Sorry, Mum," Sirius said, smirking slightly. They eventually ended their reunion and stepped back.

Mum gave us a warm, 'Mummy-ish' smile and clapped her hands together, "Are you two ready to go home?"

"Yes," we answered together.

Ah, just like the golden days.

"I've missed you two so much," Mum suddenly blurted out.

I sighed. Here come the waterworks.

Unfortunately, Sirius was stupid enough to put on a compassionate face, so Mum continued.

"It's just that ever since Charlus's death…" Her voice trailed off. Her blue eyes were a sad, grayish color instead of the usual bright, cheerful color they were.

I felt my gut clench. Mum probably had suffered the most from Dad's death. I felt a wave of guilt and sorrow pass through me.

Mum clapped her hands together again, "But that's old news. Now who's hungry?"

Now that she mentioned it…

Sirius patted his stomach from next to me, "I'm famished."

I looked over at Sirius, who had just eaten fifteen chocolate frogs less than ten minutes ago, "What about them strawberries?"

Sirius's face lit up, "Oh yeah."

Sure enough, he reached into his bag and pulled out a bright purple, huge strawberry and bit into it.

I looked over at Mum and smirked. She was giving Sirius her 'What the hell is wrong with that boy?' sort of look.

Yes, the one she made up the day I was born. Hardy har.

"What are you two staring at?" Sirius asked curiously as if it was everyday you came across a purple strawberry. "Let's go!"

Mum blinked, "Right." She wrapped an arm around each of us and began leading us away from the still-large crowd.

As we walked, I suddenly in took a large breath as I saw a familiar sight.

Lily Evans.

Bet you didn't see that coming.

She was dressed in muggle clothes – her very irritating fur jacket, pop socks, boots, and an accordion-pleated miniskirt. Her face wasn't visible, only her long red hair. It looked like she was waiting for someone.

I tried to scoot over, mechanically longing to see her beautiful face.

Unfortunately, Mum's arm was still snaked around my neck, so I had no luck and we continued our way out of the crowd so we could get back home. It looked like Lily would have to wait.

I sighed dejectedly and looked over at Sirius, who was looking around, polishing of the last of his strawberry.

"I don't get it," he began slowly, "Why aren't the girls noticing me? I ate my whole strawberry."

I chuckled.

"Oh, believe me Sirius," I said smoothly, "They notice you."

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**A/N: Well, I think I did approve of this chapter, even though there was hardly and Lily and Jamesness. Still, I think the humor was better. Lily will be back soon, I promise. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT IN A REVIEW! It would make my day. :)  
**


	8. Carols, Frijoles, and Eye Patches

**Author's Note: YAYYYY!! Sorry, I loved this chapter. It's my favorite. And today is my birthday. Talk about perkiness.**

**opungo, headoverheels4hp - _Lots of Lily/James action just for you guys! Thanks for the reviews!_  
piggy396, VirgoTheVirgin, Aliki, Isolde Eris, Shopper-mania, MyMuSiC - _All of your reviews make me smile. Thanks for taking the time to revew.  
_iluvsirius! **- **_You're so kind! Actually, Lily has both her parents. She's on her way to visit them. She just couldn't see them at the train station. Sorry about the confusion!_**

**Disclaimer: I didn't know what hallow meant until December 22. I'm not JK Rowling.**

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**Chapter Eight: Carols, Frijoles, and Eye Patches**

We all laughed gaily – do not mistake for gayly, or I will kill you – and continued singing the Christmas carols we had been singing oh-so-beautifully.

It was one of those Christmas Eve's which were actually fun, and not just a huge feast with snobby, hateful relatives. Just the three of us – Mum, Sirius, and I.

We were all in the living room, setting up our Christmas tree. You see, us Potters had a tradition of putting up trees at last moment – Christmas Eve, to be exact. Mum used to say it was the only way to keep us all happy and busy that night.

At the moment, we were decorating the huge Christmas tree – We need a broom just to out the star on top – and enjoying the evening.

Sirius had put a levitating charm on himself and was hovering around the tree, placing ornaments on empty areas. I have to admit, I've never seen Sirius so happy. He's been all grins since we woke up this morning. He's even wearing a rather tacky Christmas hat.

Mum, on the other hand, was bent back in an awkward position, putting ornaments in places no one would even think of looking. Despite her strange position, she looks rather happy herself.

Of course, I, like usual was stuck stringing the popcorn we would later put on the tree. It wasn't half as fun, but hey, at least I don't have to worry about snapping my spinal cord into two.

I sipped some hot chocolate and beamed, admiring the warmth from the crackling fire, the sound of my family's jubilant laughter, and the feeling of togetherness.

"So, white Christmas, eh?" Sirius asked in a muffled voice from behind the tree.

I nodded, even though Sirius couldn't see me, "Thank goodness. If we had another boring, warm Christmas, I would have to go through the trouble of sticking acid pops in my ears."

That was something I did in my first year. Just a warning – Acid does work on ear wax.

Outside, there was a thick blanket of snow on the ground. When we had woken up this morning, we had been delighted to see small flurries. By now, though, the flurries were still lightly falling and it was obvious they weren't stopping anytime soon.

I saw Mum step back and twist back into her normal position.

Creepy…

"Okay, boys, that's all the decorations Mummy Potter could get. Jim, would you like put up the star?" Mum asked.

She knows me too well.

Sirius pouted. "How come James gets to put up the star?"

I got up from my seat and handed the stringed-popcorn-majobber over to Mum, "Because, the person who strings the popcorn always gets to put up the star. Potter tradition."

Oh snap.

But then Mum had to come in, of course.

"Oh, don't worry, Sirius! You can always put up the stringed popcorn!" Mum said cheerfully as she handed the string to him. The frown Sirius's face disappeared.

I watched, very annoyed, as Sirius carefully wrapped the decoration _I_ had made around the tree. He was taking his time on purpose. I knew it.

Finally, he stepped back. He shot me a quick smile and I rolled my eyes.

Mum turned around and pulled a large box off the couch. She opened it up and pulled out an overused, old broomstick.

What the hell was she doing with my old broomstick?

"What's that?" I asked blankly.

"You're old broomstick," she replied bluntly.

No!_ Really_? I never knew _that_…

She handed it to me, "Come on, Jamesy, go on up and put the star on top."

I gave her a weird look. This was the broom I had used when I was ten. I straddled the broomstick, picked up the average, golden star which was on the couch, and carefully flew upward.

It took me a few moments to position myself in the right place and then slowly put on the star. It felt weird to be on such a small broomstick.

From below, Sirius and Mum were cheering and clapping.

I looked down and cast them a smile, and then wobbled. And wobbled. And wobbled some more.

Great, I'm going to fall.

I landed on a heap on the floor, broomstick in the air. Ouch…

"Great," Mum said, completely ignoring my fall, "Dinner time!"

Did you see that? She just completely ignored me!

Mum scuttled out of the room to make dinner and I sighed.

I honestly am under appreciated.

I pushed aside my Hogwarts-sized pile of presents from Mum and waddled over to Sirius.

"You know, Prongs, Christmas is coming up…" Sirius said in a sing-song voice.

I turned to him wide-eyed. "No… So, that's why we put the Christmas tree up!"

Sirius gave a coy laugh and shook his head, "No, James, you're missing the point. Christmas…"

I gave him a weird look, "Should I wear red and green?"

Sirius smacked the back of my head, "No, you idiot! Christmas is all about presents!"

Of course it is. How could I forget? How silly of me.

Sirius stepped closer to me, "So, Prongsieboy… What'd you get me?"

I snorted, "I'm not telling you."

Sirius pouted, "Aw come on, Mate. Tell me!"

"No."

"Fine," Sirius snapped. After a few moments, the stupid smile returned, "Give me a clue."

I sighed audibly, "Fine… It's big."

"If it's a Hippogriff, I'm naming it Frijoles," Sirius said immediately.

I stared. Where does he get stuff like this?

"You see, I'm allergic to most beans, but I always wanted to taste frijoles," Sirius explained.

I continued staring.

"Boys, dinner!" I heard Mum call.

Sirius winked at me and trapezed into the kitchen. I ran a hand through my hair.

Note to self – Must replace the jumbo bean pot I got for Sirius before tomorrow.

I sauntered into the kitchen and spotted Mum and Sirius sitting at the table. Mum had obviously cooked a lot – the whole surface of the table was covered. In fact, I could barely see the tablecloth underneath. It seemed to be a green color. Not just a normal green, though. It was dark green, but with soft glow to it. It was probably the prettiest color ever.

Lily's eyes – They were that same exact color.

I'm a hopeless loser.

Lily. Where would she be right now? Probably sitting at home, doing the same thing I was doing, surrounded by a Mum with a very bendable spine and bean-loving friends.

Or maybe that was just me.

I couldn't keep this up. All I can do is wish Lily wasn't mad at me, and that doesn't help at all. I have to do something about it.

"Mum, I'm going for a little walk, okay? Have dinner without me," I said mechanically, grabbing my cloak off the countertop.

"But Jimmy…" I heard Mum protest. Sirius whispered something audibly and she sighed, "All right. Be back soon, Jamesy."

I nodded, threw open the backdoor, and stepped out into the cold snow.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

I gazed up at the house in front of me. It wasn't big, yet it wasn't small.

Actually, it was the most boring house ever.

I've seen many houses in my life, but none of them were as boring and dull as number four, Privet Drive.

For Merlin's sake, it looks exactly like all of the houses around it!

Ah, well, I'd have to rant to Lily about the dullness of her house later. Right now, I was on a mission…

I cleared my throat, trying not to think about how my last mission turned out, and began up the icy, short path to Lily's front door.

There was a wreath on the door and what looked like lit up strings hanging from the roof sides. Weird… How'd they get it to light up without magic?

I reached the tall, wooden door and stared.

Was I doing the right thing? What if she didn't let me in? What is she punched me or physically harmed me some other way? What is she started crying? What if she began screaming 'Rape!' repeatedly like Lionel?

What if I actually stopped asking myself stupid questions?

Without giving it another thought, I knocked on the door.

She's not answering. She's not going to come. I know it. I should just go, before I emba-

The door creaked open, revealing a surprised Lily gazing up at me.

And I may have said this on every occasion I've ever met her, but she has never looked so cute. Her hair had been curled and was hidden beneath a fluffy Santa hat. She was wearing a smooth green dress which went so well with her eyes.

Those beautiful, irresistible eyes…

"James?" She asked timidly, confusion etched in her features. Realizing I had been gaping into her eyes, I felt my cheeks go warm and I ran a hand through my hair.

Bloody nervous habits.

I have to say something – Anything. Lily stared at me expectantly, and I just gawked back. I opened my mouth, and finally let some words escape.

"Can I come in?"

I didn't just ask her that. I didn't want her to kill me. Oh for Merlin's sake, why do I even have a mouth?

Lily's face twisted to look more confused. She stepped back, though, allowing me to enter the house.

I stepped in bashfully, wiping off my muddy shoes on the doormat. I looked up at her expectantly and she stared back.

"So… How about the weather?" I began casually. Lily frowned.

She wasn't impressed. Damnit.

Lily sighed, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah…" I began nervously.

What would Padfoot do in my place? He'd probably seduce her… Nah, that wouldn't work. Looks like I'll have to use the Moony technique.

"I came here to apologize," I said, looking at her sincerely. Do you look more sincere if you pout?

Luckily, I didn't have to stay and work it out, because Lily seemed to make up her mind about something. She turned away from me, looked around us, and gave me a last glance.

"Come in," she said in a slightly shaky way. I followed her into a small living room – still the most boring thing I had ever seen – and sat down on a soft, red couch next to her.

A few moments of silence went by. I looked down at my shoes. Who invented the shoelace? Why are they even called that? They're not even made of lace.

"So, are you going to talk?" She asked suddenly, causing me to jump.

I blinked at her, startled, "Umm… Right." She continued staring.

It's now or never.

"Lily," I began, preparing myself for the ultimate monologue, "I feel that I owe you an apology. I publicly embarrassed you, and even though it was completely unintentional, you still suffered from it. I'm sure if anyone else had been in you place, it wouldn't have been a big deal at all, but Lily, they're all jealous of you. You're perfect and they were all just waiting for an opportunity to make you feel horrible. And, well, I'm just sorry. Can we be friends?"

Okay, maybe it wasn't the ultimate monologue.

Lily stared at me, deep in thought for a few nerve-wrecking seconds and then slowly nodded. She took my hand and a feeling of joy started spreading through me, "I forgive you. You didn't mean to."

A few seconds went by as I digested what she had just said.

"Oh, and we can be friends, too," Lily added on thoughtfully, smirking slightly.

YES!

I beamed. This was the best day of my life. I honestly never thought this day would come.

"So, how's your break been so far?" She asked with a mesmerizing smile.

Thank goodness. I was on the verge of squealing.

"Brilliant," I responded mirthfully, looking into her sparkling green eyes, "Sirius and I have been having the time of our lives."

"Is Black with you, too?" Lily asked curiously, looking a little sickened.

I laughed, unable to control myself. It is so satisfying to here her spit out someone else's name like that.

"Yeah, he is." I paused as he remembered her looking for someone at the airport, "Are you alone?"

Lily sighed and seemed to shrink a bit, "Sort of." She sat up a bit, "Can you believe it's Christmas Eve already?"

Yes.

"Not really," I responded. "I mean besides the snow, the Christmas decorations, and the entire crowd in every store." I smirked as Lily playfully whacked my arm.

She then sighed, "I can't." She looked up at me so we were making eye contact, "Did you notice we have no Christmas tree?"

I looked around, noticing for the first time that she was correct. And that muggles have some pretty freaky stuff…. Like what the hell is that weird looking tiny, black box?

"No. Why don't you have one up?" I looked over at her again, "Do you celebrate Christmas?"

"Yes. But we don't have a tree," Lily said quietly.

I frowned in confusion. They didn't seem like they couldn't afford a tree, "Why?"

"Mum and Dad both left me here. They… They got some work from their jobs," She said softly. I felt my insides sink as tears began falling down her face.

"Don't cry," I whispered pathetically. She wasn't supposed to cry… What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?

"I can't help it," she wailed, "They're both doctors. Like-" she hiccupped "-healers. They're supposed to have Christmas Eve off."

I took her hand lamely, "They're making someone's life better out there, Lily. Think of it like that."

I'm not much of the Remus type of guy, am I?

"At least they got me presents. Although I wasn't exactly in the mood for more books," Lily said monotonously.

Oh. My. God.

I HAVE THE BESTEST IDEA EVER!

I should be crowned king of all cool people. Because I so am the king of all cool people.

"Close your eye and hold out your hands," I instructed. Lily gave me a look as if I were crazy, but obliged.

I silently pulled my wand, took off my jacket, and tapped the jacket with my wand. It began shrinking down and changing shape.

Good thing I'm so good at transfiguration.

I placed the newly-transfigured item in her hands with a smug smile.

"Open your eyes," I said, unable to hide the glee in my voice.

Lily opened her eyes and looked at the palm of her hand. She beamed, causing my stomach to flip flop, "James. I… Wow."

I smiled as she put on her new gift.

"How did you know I wanted a pirate eye patch?" She asked mirthfully.

I smirked at her, giving away the answer.

"You read it in my diary," she said, looking shocked.

"I read it in your diary," I repeated, nodding.

She tried her hardest to put on a stern face, but failed miserably and ended up laughing. She pulled me into a hug, causing my heart to skip a beat.

She was hugging me. She was hugging me. She was hugging me.

Lily Evans was hugging me…

"James, I have never been so thankful that someone has read my diary before. I've always wanted one," She said sweetly, causing my heart to melt.

She has no idea what she's doing to me.

"You're welcome," I mumbled, closing my eyes in her embrace.

She pulled away, looking at me joyfully, "What do _you_ want for Christmas?"

"Nothing," I answered mechanically.

Lily snorted, "Nonsense. What do you want?"

I paused.

What did I want?

I gazed at Lily quietly, thoughts racing through my mind. All I could see were those pearly whites, her pink lips, her starting red hair, her emerald eyes…

"You," I whispered hoarsely, "And you gave it to me. Your friendship was all I wanted. Thank you."

I started at her for a few moments. All that I could hear was the crackling of the fire. Then, alarmingly, Lily's still red eyes began to water again. Tears threatened to spill and all I could do was gaze at her quietly.

Then, taking me into surprise, she threw her arms around my neck and pulled me into a kiss.

…

…

…

I AM THE LUCKIEST BLOKE ALIVE.

Lily Evans is kissing me...

Merlin, her lips are so soft… And her breath smells like gingerbread… I love that stuff.

I'm in pure bliss. I would be the happiest man alive if this kiss never ended. Who cares if its only on my bloody cheek?

"What are you doing?" A voice suddenly spat behind us, causing Lily to pull away.

I really am cursed.

* * *

**A/N: Muahahaha! I hope that had enough Lily/James action for you guys! Frankly speaking, it's the best I can do. Now you guys have to review, because this was my favorite chapter and... TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY! Woohoo! Sorry, I'll shut up now. Please review. Now, just to tell you, this is not a Lily/James lovehate fanfiction. It is about James's seventh year and how devoted he was to Lily. That doesn't mean Lily will never get with James. For all of you who are reading this, this doesn't mean that they'll become an item at this point in the story. -wink, wink-**


	9. Jealous Friends, Tickling, and Homicide

**Author's Note: Wow it feels like forever since my last update. Oh well. I've gotten very far with more chapters, so you guys don't have to worry about any delays in the future month or so. This chapter's not too funny... It's mostly romance and stuff, I guess... This chapter has been betad, by the way! Here are review responses for all reviews posted after 1-17-2007:  
**

**marauders rox****, Cristipotter****, blueholly, kluvhp,**** SouthernWitch13, rohosluvsrolos, Truth in the Moon, hp'sginny, ****MyMuSiC****, 1Malone, Isolde Eris, PotterSnitch7 ****- _Thank you! -huggles- It's actually not Petunia. Hehe!_****_ I hope I update soon enough. Thank you so much for the review!_  
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**hermien103**** - A_s a certain friend of mine once said, 'Automated Response: That's great.'_**

**Disclaimer: Me? Own Harry Potter? What have you been smoking, kid?  
**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Jealous Friends, Tickling, and Homicide**

There, in all her glory… If she had any… stood Arielle McKinnon.

I hate that girl.

"Arielle…" Lily began quietly, removing her arms from around me.

Arielle shook her head and stepped closer, "I can't believe you. I mean Potter…. Of all people…"

Yeah… Sure, it's not like _I'm _here listening…

Lily frowned and stood up herself, her Santa hat tipping off to a side, "So what if I was hugging James? What's so bad about it, huh?"

Arielle seemed to falter and looked a little deflated, "You… You just said you'd hate him forever."

Lily let out a mirthless laughter, throwing her head back, "Oh, you know I know that's not it."

Wow, girls are creepy. Well except for Lily. Wait, maybe she is. Why am I thinking that?

"Then what is it?" Arielle shot back, stepping forward even closer, and eyes still piercing Lily.

I stepped forward, too, unable to control myself, "If you're going to do something stupid, warn me so I don't miss it," I said to Arielle, glaring hard at her. I smirked in satisfaction as she went red, realizing I still remembered that very embarrassing moment she had last May involving turnips, some pink hair, and a very restless toddler.

But then again, that was pointless to say, because even if I miss her doing something stupid today, she'll do something just as stupid tomorrow.

"James, stay out of this," Lily muttered, pushing me onto the couch.

SQUEEE! SHE TOUCHED ME!

I really have been hanging around with Peter too long.

"I know for a fact that you only became my friend so you could make James sound like a totally horrible guy to me so I wouldn't go out with him," Lily continued.

Wait. I don't get it. Huh?

"Why didn't Arielle want you to go out with me?" I asked numbly.

Arielle stepped back, defeated and Lily smirked, "She wanted you all to herself."

Wait, hold on a second…

Did she just say Arielle wanted _me_? Not that I can blame her, but excuse my ill-mannered, yet very necessary comment of 'that is the most disgusting thought imaginable'.

"That – That –" Arielle stuttered.

Lily laughed again, shaking her head, "For your information, James and I are just friends, and that's all we'll ever be." She then took my hand and pulled me up, and dragged me out of the living room.

But I was feeling empty. So empty that it scared me. Just friends, she had said. That's all we'll ever be.

She continued pulling me until we arrived in front of a nicely-sized fireplace in a nearby room and she whirled around to face me.

The flames were our only source of light and Lily's porcelain skin and saddened face was barely visible. Still, in the faded light, I could see tears welled up in her eyes yet again.

What is it with girls and crying? You would have thought we'd all have drowned by now by all the tears they've cried.

"Can you Apparate?" She asked softly, taking my hand into hers. I felt my stomach flip-flop and nodded.

"Good," she continued, "Do you think we could go somewhere else for a while? Just for a little while?"

I nodded numbly, "Of course, Lils."

"Thanks," she paused, "Arielle and I don't normally snap at each other so easily. It's just that I've been really upset about mum and dad and I guess I just had to take out on someone."

"You could have taken it out on me," I said quietly, gazing at her solemnly.

After all, she had hated me less than an hour ago.

Lily let out a small chuckle, "I could've but I couldn't."

And they all call me stupid. How could I _not_ be stupid with answers like that in the world?

"James, do you know how there are certain people – Like your Marauders, for example – Who you just know will forgive you no matter what you do? Before today, I wouldn't have cared if you forgave me or not, but now that we're friends, I don't want to just throw us away like that."

I wanted to be one of those people for her. A lot.

I smirked, unable to control myself, "There's no getting rid of me now, baby."

Lily rolled her eyes and gave me a small, playful shove, "Come on, let's go. I can't Apparate yet, so you'll have to try side-by-side."

I quirked my eyebrow. The amazing Lily Evans couldn't even apparate? No wonder the world's going to the dogs. No, wait, no wonder the world's going to the _Siriuses_. Deciding not to press the matter, since I am such a mature and sexy gentleman, I slipped a hand around her waist, took a second to get the fact that my arm was around Lily Evans, did a few breathing exercises so I didn't pass out, and disapparated from the spot.

I opened my eyes and looked around. Darn it, I missed.

Lily opened her eyes a few seconds, took a few steps forward, and looked around in the darkness. "James, exactly where are we?"

"I was aiming for my house, but I think I missed by a few miles," I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

Lily's eyes widened, "Do you know where we are?"

"Yes, this is still our land, just not where my house is," I said distractedly. I smirked as I saw Lily's mouth drop open in surprise.

I can impress babes without even trying. Do you see why I have at least half of the female population in the palm of my hand?

I began walking towards my house, the only source of light being the half-moon in the sky, and Lily followed, smiling.

"So, you never mentioned Arielle was staying with you," I said quietly, pulling a snitch which had been tucked deep in my pocket out. I let it escape and caught it again, because I just rock at that. Even though it was pitch dark. Do stags have night vision?

"She is. It was sort of last minute," Lily responded, giving my snitch a disapproving look.

I grinned and pretended not to notice, "Any other visitors you wanna tell me about?"

"Well, my elder sister Petunia is staying at our house, but she's out with her boyfriend tonight," Lily said slowly, trying her best to ignore my little catch game.

"I see. Nice to have siblings, isn't? I'm an only child," I said, trying to keep the conversation going. Of course, I counted Sirius as my brother, but I didn't really want to say that so she wouldn't get all annoyed.

You see, I don't think she's very fond of Sirius.

"It's not that exciting. We argue about everything, although I've never done anything to upset her too much," she replied.

I laughed and tossed the snitch. It fluttered right in front of Lily's face and suddenly it was gone. I blinked.

Wow, now I'm a delusional loser. Scratch that, I'm a _popular_ delusional loser. What else could a guy want?

I then looked over at Lily, who was smiling, and down at her hand. There, clasped in her small hand was a fluttering, almost defeated looking snitch. I frowned.

"Hope you're wearing your running shoes today, Evans, because no one catches James Potter's snitch," I said slowly.

Lily gave me a playful look, "Looks like I just did."

I laughed and lunged towards her. She shrieked and took off running. I smirked and pursued her, right at her heel. I let her run for a few minutes until she collapsed on the ground, panting. I kneeled down next to her and held out my hand, "Hand it over."

Lily giggled, "Never!"

Can you believe that one year ago, she would have given me a solid kick for even saying two words to her?

I smirked and began tickling her. She burst out laughing, squealing, and squirming.

"Stop it," She sobbed between gasps of breath, "That's cheating!"

"I didn't know we had made up rules," I replied, grinning broadly.

I tickled her for a few more seconds when she suddenly froze and turned pale. I pulled away, shocked.

"Lily?" I asked nervously.

She pulled herself up, staring blankly ahead, "James," she whispered.

I blinked, "What?"

"Turn around," she replied softly, still looking extremely fearful.

I slowly turned around, bracing myself. But not even I could have been prepared for what I saw.

There stood my house, still standing tall. But it was the thing above it which I staring at. Right above my house, was a large, foggy, green skull with a snake in place of a mouth, replacing its tongue, illuminating the dark sky.

No. No. No. This can't be happening.

"Why?" I whispered hoarsely to no one in particular.

"James, don't go inside," Lily directed fearfully.

And then, for the first time in my whole entire life, I ignored Lily Evans. I stood up shakily on my feet and began walking numbly towards the house.

Sirius and Mum… It was Christmas Eve… I couldn't live without either… My brother and my Mum. Why me?

The very thought of either of them being dead made me run. I ran as fast as I could. Nothing could stop me. I didn't care if there were any bloody death eaters in my house.

I threw open the front door and looked around. There were no signs of struggle. The only difference was the fact that the lights were out. I closed my eyes, inhaling so I didn't collapse in fear.

Then, from the kitchen, I heard a loud sob. It was Sirius.

I felt half of the heavy weight lift off my chest. Sirius was okay.

I took off running towards the kitchen, "Sirius!" I called, my voice still quiet and hoarse. The only response I got was another sob.

I raced into the kitchen and looked forward, an overwhelming, shocking sight in front of me.

Mum was dead.

I stared at her wide eyed, fear in me burning like an untamable flame. She lay on the floor, lifeless eyes like saucers, mouth shaped like an 'o', and arms twisted in an awkward way.

"James?" Sirius croaked, looking up at me. He had been kneeling down next to her, face buried in his hands. His eyes were bloodshot from crying.

I didn't reply. I couldn't anything; I couldn't cry, talk, or move.

"James," Sirius repeated. He slowly pulled himself up, sobbed again, and pulled me into a hug.

I simply stood there, both in shock and denial.

We may have stayed in that position for hours – Sirius crying softly, me frozen, when I finally felt a hand on my shoulder.

I slowly turned around to see a fearful looking Lily, concern filling her eyes, "James, what happened?"

I didn't reply. I could only stare at her.

"James, we have to talk about what happened," Lily said quietly.

I closed my eyes and hung my head.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"Are you sure that's all?" Cornelius Fudge, head of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad asked Sirius patiently, many Aurors scribbling in little notebooks behind him.

Sirius gritted his teeth, "Yes, for Merlin's sake! She just collapsed on the floor while cleaning the dishes. I've said that only fourteen times!"

I sat on a couch in the living room, my head in my hands. Sirius was sitting in an armchair, glaring up at the many people who were questioning him.

Cornelius shook his head and pulled off his lime green bowler hat, "That makes no sense, boy. People don't just collapse on the floor from dragon pox. And that's no explanation for the dark mark over the house." He began twirling bowler hat, causing me to twitch.

"I KNOW, GOD DAMNIT! I KNOW JUST AS MUCH AS YOU AND YOUR BLOODY LAP CATS! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!" Sirius yelled.

We stared at him in alarm.

"Lap cats?" Someone finally asked after a few minutes, breaking the silence.

"Move onto the other boy," Fudge directed wearily, bowling hat twirling away. The whole entourage turned to face me, quills ready to write. I buried my face in my hands, overwhelmed.

Fudge looked down at some parchment, "So, you're James Charlus Potter, eh?"

I didn't respond, just merely nodded my head, still not revealing my face.

"The son of Dorea Potter, who was the target of this attack. Interesting, very interesting." He looked up at me, "So, where have you been, James?"

"I was at a friend's house," I mumbled. I heard the quills begin scribbling again.

"On Christmas Eve, boy? This friend must have been very close to you."

"I am," I heard Lily say suddenly. I turned to see Lily standing at the entrance of the kitchen, hands on her hips. She had been helping with my mother's autopsy.

I have to admit, even after not sleeping for one whole night with her hair in a loose ponytail and wearing a large shirt she had conjured, she still managed to look gorgeous.

What am I doing? My mum just died and I'm drooling over Lily. I must have been a horrible son.

"And who are you, girl?" Fudge asked, averting his gaze to Lily.

"Lily Evans. I go to James's school. We had a fight, so he came over to apologize. As simple as that. He had nothing to do with the death," Lily stepped closer, causing the bowler hat to spin off Fudge's finger and hit one of the Aurors in the face, "So stop bugging him."

Fudge was shocked. And truthfully, I loved it. He regained his composure and stepped forward, frowning at Lily, "And how, Evans, do we know that you weren't trying to get James away from the house so the attack could go smoothly?"

My head shot up and I glared at Fudge. How could even think that? Lily would never do something like that.

"Sir, the results of the autopsy are in," a nasal sounding healer interrupted, stepping into the room. We all looked at her.

Oh Merlin…

"So, what is it, woman?" Fudge asked anxiously, picking up his bowler hat and putting it back on.

She cleared her throat, "Dorea Potter's death can be put under many categories. We've considered natural death, as she died from dragon pox. But it may also have been accidental, as she got the sickness from inhaling a deathly potion which also killed her husband. Finally, we have come to a conclusion that the death was homicidal, because we've been able to determine that the potion was sent by a very clever death eater."

I couldn't handle it. I stood up, kicked the glass coffee table in front of me, and watched it shatter into pieces. I then showed a very rude hand gesture to Fudge and rocketed upstairs towards my room.

I didn't stop until I reached the balcony in my room and collapsed against the railing.

She had been murdered. Both my parents had been murdered by some bloody wanker who decided it would be fun to give a potion to my dad.

"James?" A quiet voice asked.

I closed my eyes and whirled around, "What?" I demanded.

The figure who had been hidden in darkness stepped out onto the balcony. It was Lily, filled with concern. I felt myself deflate a bit and wearily turned around to face the darkness, leaning against the railing.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

I'm just spiffy.

"Do you really have to ask that?" I replied.

Lily walked over to the railing and leaned against it next to me, "Sorry, it was one of those reflex questions."

We stood there in silence looking ahead, both deep in thought.

I suddenly let out a quiet laughter, causing Lily to look at me in alarm. I looked back at her, "You know, I haven't cried at all. It upsets me. I should be crying like Sirius, grieving for my Mum's sake, yet all I can do is sit there and stare."

"Do you really think that, James? Do you really think your Mum would want you here sobbing your head off?" She replied firmly.

Maybe.

"No, you're right," I sighed, looking down.

Lily put a hand on my arm, causing butterflies to fill my stomach, "She's gone, there's nothing you can do about it. You're a brave guy. Respect her and show her what a great man you've turned out to be. Make her proud."

I stayed quiet.

"You've shown me, Potter. Come on," Lily said quietly.

I turned to face her again, "You're right, Lily. To hell with the death eater who thought that they could put me down by killing my parents. They've been here for me, and I'll make them proud. I'll go back to school next week like I'm supposed to and show them."

And Lily pulled me into an embrace, making me feel bigger and braver than ever.

* * *

**A/N: Ah, emotional chapter. Please review. I need something exciting to happen in my life. I feel like a total loser. ( I promise you guys a very humerous chapter within the next few chapters, by the way! Expect the next update early next week, as it's not too good of a chapter in my opionion. You'll see why soon. Enjoy!  
**


	10. Steroids, Parties, and Shreiking

**Author's Note: CHAPTER TEN! WOOHOO! I'm so proud of myself for that. But I'm also not proud of myself("You mean unproud?" Peter asked) as I was supposed to put it up yesterday according to my schedule. Ah, well, I'll just put up the next chapter on Saturday.  
**

**Review Reposes(All reviews posted after 1/25):  
**_**Truth in the Moon, HedwigandHermes7, headoverheels4HP****, marauders rox**_**- Ah, funniness and romance coming soon , I promise. I guess this chapter has some funny stuff, but it's also quite sad.  
**_**piggy396, joanthereloaded-92, VirgoTheVirgin, Kendra-the hyper one****, PotterSnitch7, Cristipotter**_**- Thank you so much! I heart you all.  
****_Moony8193_- Oh, are you okay? They'll be friends... Forver from now onwards. Well, very soon they'll be more than just friends...  
_Isolde Eris_- You are very correct. Dorea's death was from inhalation of the same potion that killed her husband. You'll learn more about James's mother in the sequel... If there's a sequel...  
_Tyem Marodyor_-**** Thank you so much! This review is one sweetest ones I've ever gotten.**  
**  
Disclaimer: I promise I'll buy Harry Potter the day I can afford a tenth of an iPod.  
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* * *

**Chapter Ten: Steroids, Parties, and Shreiking  
(This chapter is rated K+. I've decided warn you guys of the rating of each chapter from now onwards.)  
**

"You okay?" Remus asked me as we walked out of the Great Hall towards the pitch.

"Fine, Moony," I replied, distracted. We had to win this. If we didn't, I was going to have to switch to the firewhisky technique.

Remus sighed as we pushed ourselves through the crowd which was lining up for seats for today's game, "Look, James, I don't mean to mention-"

Honestly, he's really got to be more straight forward.

"Its fine, Remus. I've gotten over her death. She would've wanted me to. I went to the funeral, I've totally moved forward. I just want to win this… I mean, I wouldn't want to lose, would I?" I asked, forcing smile.

Remus patted my back, "No, Prongs, you're right. Try your hardest." He looked at the huge crowd, "I'm going to find Sirius and Peter." He smiled and jogged away, navigating through the crowd.

I sighed and unconsciously ruffled my hair. This was the big one. I made my way through the crowd and towards the locker room.

"James!" I heard a voice call, "JAMES!"

I stopped and whirled around. I smiled a true, genuine smile as I spotted the source.

Lily Evans.

If anything has changed since Mum's death, it's my feelings for Lily. I have never loved her quite as much. Just her smile drives me mad, those soft pink lips, those pearly white teeth…

"Hey, Lils," I greeted affectionately.

She reached up to me and beamed. I took note that she was wearing a red shirt and gold skirt.

I'll never know how girl's survive without having their legs freeze, but she has never looked so hot before.

She pulled me into a hug. We've been doing this a lot, despite the 'only friends' thing.

"You're gonna do great," she whispered. I smiled.

"I'll try," I replied, trying not to sound too conceited.

Lily kissed me on the cheek, causing my heart to melt, "Do it for your mum. Do it for me."

"Anything for you," I whispered, closing my eyes.

She stepped back and smiled, "I'll be sitting in the front row," she gestured towards an empty seat with a gold cloak on it next to a few Ravenclaws who also were cheering for Gryffindor. She waved and jogged away.

It took me a few minutes to regain myself. By now, the crowd was clearing.

I raced up to the locker room and crept into the room. Since I was Quidditch captain, I got a large locker.

Don't get too jealous. I can't even fit Sirius in it.

I began stripping down – Ah, good thing the fifth year girl who are obsessed with me are too spastic to get in here – and pulled on my uniform. Eager to get on my broom, I crept towards the other lockers and stopped as I heard voices.

"Guys, we have to try our hardest," I heard Chris whisper.

Aw, my baby cousin's growing up. I think it's huggywuggy time!

I heard someone smack someone else, "No, you idiot, we have to do our worst. What do you think we're going to do?" Larissa said irritably, voice dripping with sarcasm.

I heard a few chuckles.

"No, guys, I'm serious," Chris said quietly.

Talking about Sirius… Wasn't he supposed to be broom boy?

"My Aunt Dorea died a week ago. She was James's mum. James was really close with her," I heard Chris continue.

I felt my heart sink. Why does everyone keep bringing that up?

I heard Amber gasp and Riana squeal "That's horrible!"

"So, basically, you think Potter'll play like crap?" Benjy asked slowly. I felt my teeth clench, but couldn't help to notice the usual viciousness in his voice was missing.

"Unfortunately. Look, don't put him down because of it, alright?" Chris replied.

"Of course," I heard Tyler reply.

I stepped back and ruffled my hair. I'd show them. I'd show them all. I pretended to have been standing there impatiently, "What took you guys so long?"

"Nothing," Larissa replied, looking around, "Where's Black with our brooms?"

"I dunno," I replied, picking up the brooms which I had laid out, "Maybe he forgot."

I handed out the brooms in silence and we all put the finishing touches on our uniforms. I felt my hearts jump as the announcer's voice filled the stadium.

I have to say something. It's just one of those things you've gotta do. Remus has to read a book a day, Peter has to gain half a pound a day, and Sirius has to shag at least one girl a day. It's common knowledge.

"Guys," I began, "We've practiced hard. I know we have the potential to win this. Just keep your head in the game."

Now wasn't that the most brilliant speech ever?

"Don't push yourself, James," Chris said quietly, "We'll do great."

I'd do great. I'd impress the team, my mum, and Lily. I'd make them all proud.

I nodded and closed my eyes as I heard the announcer call out the players.

I gave the team one last glance and slowly walked onto the field. We positioned ourselves.

"Good luck to both teams," Madam Hooch directed solemnly, nodding. "Mount your brooms."

We obliged. I looked over at Hufflepuff, trying not to look nervous. They did look better. Maybe they used those steroid things muggles obsess over. That explains all of Silverstein's facial hair.

I swallowed hard and assured myself I'd do well.

As if in slow motion, Madam Hooch lifted her whistle to her mouth and blew hard. I kicked off as strong as I could and flew to the air.

"And the Quaffle is taken by Abercrombie of Hufflepuff, who passes it to Silverstein, back to Abercrombie, to Silverstein, to Abercrombie, and HUFFLEPUFF SCORES!"

I blinked hard. What the hell? I looked over at Amber, who looked extremely upset with herself. I sighed.

"What a great start, Hufflepuff!" I heard the announcer call.

I turned around to glare at the announcer, only to see the one and only…

Lionel Smith…

I'm starting to feel bad for myself.

This wasn't the way I wanted to start the game. I had to score this time.

"And Vance, Gryffindor's keeper, passes the Quaffle to Lopez, who takes it forward and passes it to Dirge, who shoots it to –"

I saw the Quaffle coming towards me and held my hands up to catch it.

"- And it's intercepted by Heeding of Hufflepuff! She rockets forward and HUFFLEPUFF SCORES AGAIN! Things are looking bright for ole' Hufflepuff!"

I swore obscenely, and blinked in alarm as I saw Tyler fly to me and slam a Bludger which had been hurtling towards me away. I only got a glimpse of his face, but he was obviously disappointed.

Unable to control myself, I looked down at Lily. She sat still, looking disappointed, too.

I closed my eyes and heard her words ring through my ear _'Do it for me.'_

"Anything for you," I whispered under my breath again.

I had to do this for her.

"And Gryffindor has possession again! Vance looks lost and doesn't seem to know who to pass it t- And there comes Potter out of no where! Quaffle goes to Potter and he takes off."

I'm going to kill that guy. He has no emotions for me. Everyone loves me. I'm so palatable – Look, I've used Moony's word of the week!

"Potter dodges a Bludger– Wow, he's going fast – AND GRYFFINDOR SCORES!"

And I grinned as I heard the crowd begin to chant 'POTTER!' repeatedly.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"That was bloody brilliant, mate!" Peter cheered as he and a group of other boys carried me into the common room.

They set me down on the couch and I stood up, grinning as everyone around me cheered.

We were having a party. For me.

Need I say more?

"I know. I felt so glorious being able to call out 'Gryffindor wins, 240-30 at the end!' " Lionel 'gushed'.

I'm sure he did.

The party took action and butterbeer and tarts were distributed.

This is what I love about winning.

I grabbed a butterbeer and made my way to Remus and Peter, a smile stuck on my face, "Where's Sirius, guys?"

"Dunno," Remus responded, smiling back, "But you did great, Prongs."

Where is that bloody git?

"Thanks," I replied, "I'm gonna go and look for Padfoot, okay?"

They nodded and I grabbed another butterbeer. I then took off up the staircase towards the boys' staircase and into our dormitory. There, on his bed, lay Sirius in only his boxers.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of the many people who would kill myself to see Sirius like that.

"Put on some pants, Sirius," I instructed as I went over to Sirius's bed and sat down next to him.

He didn't move.

"Sirius?" I repeated.

No reply.

I sighed. I knew what this was about.

"Padfoot, this is no way to mourn," I said quietly, looking down at him.

A few moments went by. He finally sighed and sat up, giving me a saddened look. Like one of those puny, pouty puppy dogs.

Alas, an awesome alliteration.

"How do you want me to grieve, then? I'm not like you, Prongs. I'm not as strong," Sirius said brokenly.

I frowned, "You're just as strong as me, Padfoot. She's in a better place now."

Sirius closed his eyes, "You don't get it."

Who is he kidding? She was only my mum.

"I never had a mother. I never got to experience motherly love. And then, I finally got a taster of what it's like having a mother, and I've never felt so complete." He continued.

"Sirius…" I began quietly.

Sirius shook his head, "No. It's no fair."

"You're right, it's not fair. You'll never know how jealous I am of you sometimes. You… You can get any damned girl you want. I can't get the one I love, and it kills me," I whispered.

Sirius looked at me quietly for a few minutes and then nodded, "I suppose you're right. I'll miss her though. She was the only woman I could call mother ever."

I thumped him on the back, "Move on. She's gone."

He nodded and gave me a brotherly hug.

After a few moments, he pulled on his jeans and grinned, "Whadya say we give 'em gals a treat?"

I laughed. He's so weird.

We made our way down the stairs, only to be greeted by a flock of screeching girls.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S SIRIUS BLACK – WITH NO SHIRT ON!"

OH MY GOD, WAIT UNTIL THE DAY THEY SEE ME – WITH NO SHIRT ON!

We laughed, high-fived each other, and slipped over to Remus and Peter.

"Sirius!" Peter greeted, "You're…" His eyes moved down to Sirius's chest, "Wearing no shirt?"

"Figured I'd give the girls a treat," Sirius said mischievously as girls crowded around him, screeching loudly, "But besides that. How was the game? I'm so sorry I couldn't make it."

"It was great," Remus replied cheerily, "Hufflepuff scored… and then they stole the Quaffle from James… and then they scored again…" His voice trailed off. Sirius quirked an eyebrow.

He's not very good with explaining things.

"It was great," Remus repeated, still smiling.

"James, we're out of butterbeer!" I heard Riana call.

I sighed. Why me?

"Guys, I better go to the kitchens and get some more butterbeer. I'll be back soon."

The Marauders bid me farewell and I walked over to the portrait hole. I pushed it open, only to widen my eyes in shock and disgust.

There stood Lily Evans, entwined with some boy, snogging his face off. I watched Lily step back and face me, blushing.

"James!" She greeted sheepishly. I stared back. "Meet my new boyfriend. I sat next to him during the game –which you did really well in, by the way - and we became really close."

And the boy turned. It was Jake Robbins.

Someone kill me.

* * *

**A/N: Someone kill me, too. I hated making Lily kiss some other loser, but I really had to. Lily will officially get with James at the midpoint of this story... and we're one third of the way done... Do the math and you'll see how much more waiting time...**

**Oh, and a treat for you all. 100th reviewer gets to share a name(or personality, or something) with a future character. So review, please!  
**


	11. Items, Pooh, and Protein

**Author's Note: This chapter is one of the few chapter which has a better beginning than an end, or so I think. I kind of got a bit sugar high when I wrote parts of this, so don't fear for my sanity. Oh, and I hope you guys like the fast update! I felt ad for upsetting you with the last chapter.  
**

**For the 100th reviewer thing, I had to choose reviewer 102, just to tell you. Reviewer 100(Truth in the Moon), didn't mention her name on her profile,and I didn't want to ask for her name, reviewer 101(Moony8193)**** and I are pretty close so I didn't want to make things unfair, and that brings us to reviewer 102(HedwigandHermes7****), Truth in the Moon, if you would like your name to be mentioned, just PM me. Otherwise, congratulations to the back up, HedwigandHermes7, whose character will come in soon! I'm sorry to all those who wanted the part, but didn't win. We'll do this again at review 200, if we get that far!  
**

**Review Reposes(after 1/31):**  
_**piggy396, Truth in the Moon, skittles324, marauders rox, Aliki, Tyem Marodyor - **_I know, I know, I'm a horrible person. I hated that writing that, but Lily is a quite popular girl and she needs boyfriends, too. Sorry! Thanks for reviewing. I love you guys. x3_**  
Cristipotter, Kendra-the hyper one, Moony8193, Genairco Girl, headoverheels4HP, HedwigandHermes7, PotterSnitch7, MyMuSiC - **_Thank you all!I love writing, but the fast updates are especially for the reviewers!  
**  
Disclaimer: If I were Jo, I wouldn't be wishing I had a life right now.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Items, Pooh, and Protein  
(This chapter is rated K+)**

"Are you sure they're an item?" Sirius asked me as we made our way down to our last class of the day, potions.

I dunno… They were only snogging their faces off each other…

"An item, Padfoot? Have you ever heard a phrase so… vague? I mean, come on. It's like you're asking me if Lily and Robbins are something as simple as a loaf of bread, a scarf, or a cup of tea. Just mere items," I responded.

Sirius blinked, "So, are they an item or not?"

Oh, for the love of Wormtail.

"Yes, for Merlin's sake! They're a bloody item, and they're extremely satisfied with it!" I cried, pushing passed a mob of giggling Slytherins.

"Oh," Sirius said dully.

I inhaled deeply, "It's not fair. I don't _want_ them to be an 'item', as you put it. I want Lily and I to be an item."

"Prongs, you were just ranting about how couples shouldn't be called items five seconds ago," Sirius said, raising an eyebrow.

He's so oblivious.

"You don't get it, Padfoot! I do want us to be an item! I want to be kneaded with her to form the perfect loaf of bread, I want to be knitted with her to form a warm, fuzzy scarf, and I want to be stirred with her to make the most delicious cup of tea ever. I want her more than anything, damnit!" I moaned.

"Who? You and Robbins?" Sirius asked playfully.

Yes. I've secretly had a crush on the ugliest, biggest idiot in the world.

"NO! LILY AND I!" I yelled.

"Fine… But mate, you honestly have issues. I don't even know what you see in the prissy brat," Sirius replied as we arrived to the potions classroom.

We entered, me still moping on the inside, and sat ourselves in two unoccupied seats next to Lily.

"Hey, James," Lily greeted cheerily, looking at me.

Don't look at her. Don't look at her. Don't look at her.

"Hullo," I greeted, shooting her a quick glance and then immediately looking away.

Lily frowned, "James, is everything alright?"

Sure. Besides the fact that my heart is chopped up into pieces the size of Peter's brain.

"Of course," I responded cheerily, "Never been better."

"Good, because you looked… Oh, well never mind that. You played awesome yesterday, James." Lily responded.

Who cares? It's not like I _really_ impressed her.

"Thanks," I said dully.

"Now then, everyone!" Slughorn began optimistically as he whisked into the room, belly bobbling, "The ministry has called in and has requested us to practice making basic potions which may come in handy nowadays, with all the recent attacks. Today you are to make some Confusing Concoction in the time given. No help from textbooks!"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Great way to waste time.

"Which do we put in first, Prongs? The succulated leeches or rat tails?" Sirius asked.

"Leeches," I responded immediately.

I began preparing the potion and Lily made a soft noise next to me.

"Slughorn reminds me of someone…" She said quietly.

I looked at her curiously. Jake Robbins, perhaps?

"Who?" I asked.

"Winnie the Pooh," Lily responded.

"Winnie the who?" I asked.

"Winnie the Pooh! You know who!" She repeated.

"I have no clue," I said slowly.

"He's on my shoes!" Lily exclaimed.

"Yahoo," I said unemotionally, looking down at her shoes. Sure enough, there was a fat bellied, yellow bear on her shoes. I frowned.

"I have nothing to do," Sirius said in boredom.

"You have a potion to brew," Lily said disapprovingly.

"Well sorry, Ms. Guru," Sirius replied, annoyed.

I looked down at my potion, "Is it supposed to be blue?"

"Maybe you didn't add enough bamboo," Lily suggested.

"Ew, Prongs, it looks solid enough to chew," Sirius said in disgust.

"Oh great, mine's turning like that, too," Lily moaned.

A tall Slytherin turned around, looking irritated, "You gits have been rhyming for the last two minutes! Shut up!"

Oh yeah… We have been…

I coughed and went red.

"Mr. Potter!" Slughorn exclaimed, looking at my potion.

My head snapped up. Oh great.

"Yes, Winni- I mean, yes, Sir?" I asked with a sheepish smile.

"I've never seen anything quite like this… It's," Slughorn began as he dipped a finger in the potion and sniffed it.

Is he insane?

"Perfect!" He concluded. "Twenty points to Gryffindor!"

Yes, I know I'm perfect. Thank you.

He turned to Lily's potion, "Yours, too, Ms. Evans. You were always been the best in the class. Twenty more points."

I'm still perfecter.

He paused, "In fact, you two may leave early."

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Sirius gave me a dirty look and I smirked as I began packing up my stuff.

"Thank, Sir," Lily said cheerily as she grabbed and dragged me out.

Damnit, why won't the bloody butterflies stop fluttering? I'm supposed to be mad at her!

We began our way out of the dungeons.

"I'm so glad we got away from Pooh," Lily said cheerily.

I didn't respond. Why does she have to be so wonderful?

"You sure you're okay?" she asked after a few moments again after we reached the Great Hall.

For Merlin's sake…

"Blimey, Lily, I'M FINE!" I yelled at her.

She shrank back, looking scared. I sighed. This is why I shouldn't be her boyfriend.

"Sorry, Lils. Just feeling a bit barmy at the moment…" I began.

"I understand," she said quietly, placing a hand on my arm. I smiled at her thankfully.

We stayed in that position for a few minutes, when suddenly Lily pulled her arm back and blushed.

"Erm… Sorry about that…" She said sheepishly.

"No problem," I said in a dazed way.

Way to go, Potter. I'm sure she likes her boys extra stupid.

"Do you erm… Want to plan for when the next Hogsmeade trip should be?" I suggested quietly.

Lily nodded, "That would be – That would be nice."

I sighed in relief. Thank goodness.

We both took a seat at the Gryffindor table and Lily pulled out some parchment.

"I was thinking we could schedule one next Thursday at two. I've got a killer History of Magic exam," I suggested.

What? It was worth a try.

"That's completely mental, James. You know they can only be on weekends," Lily replied, rolling her eyes.

Well, _sorry_. Honestly.

"I was thinking this weekend. There are no exams for any of the main subjects next Monday, so more people can come," she suggested.

Sure. Whatever. She'd probably go with her stupid new boyfriend anyway.

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered dully, mood now wrecked.

Lily frowned, clearly surprised that I had agreed so easily, "Okay then."

"Hey, Prongs, Lily!" I heard Remus call.

I whirled around. Remus and Peter were both coming back from Muggle Studies.

"How was class?" Lily asked sweetly.

Peter sat down, "Boring. I hated it." He moaned.

I snorted, "Exam soon?"

"Next Wednesday," Remus replied, smirking. "I'm sure we'll both do fine."

Correction. Remus will do fine, Peter will fail.

I shrugged, "Hey, Lily, you eating dinner with us?"

Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.

"Sorry, boys. I promised Jake I'd eat with him," Lily replied, a huge smile appearing on her face.

Figures.

Remus frowned, "You guys are awfully close…"

Yes! Yes they are! Too close for a new couple! Thank you, Moony!

Lily smiled shyly, "Can you guys keep a secret?"

Is that a trick question?

"I've secretly had a huge crush on him since October. He's just so sweet about it and says he's liked me for a while now, too," Lily whispered to us, grinning.

Oh, and what about me? I've only liked her for… Hmm… SEVEN BLOODY YEARS!

It's not fair.

Remus cleared his throat, "Okay then. We'll see you around then, Lily."

Lily picked up her stuff, "Yeah, okay. Bye James, Remus, Peter. I'll post the Hogsmeade date after dinner." She waved and ran away.

I lay my head on the table, "Why me?"

"Oh, come on, Prongs. Don't be so hard on yourself," Remus said softly.

Easy for him to say.

"Hey guys," Sirius greeted sourly as he took a seat from us.

"What's got your wand in a knot?" Peter asked quizzically.

Sirius huffed, "The old git Slughorn made me stay after and clean with him."

See why I hate Ole' Winnie?

"How 'bout you, Prongs?" Sirius asked as he grabbed some of the chicken off a platter which had just appeared.

Take a wild guess.

"Lily," I moaned.

Sirius snorted, "Evans? Why do you even like her? She's a total ice queen."

"I love her, Mate. I don't know why," I replied sadly.

Unable to control myself, I slowly turned around and spotted Lily. She was making out with Jake. In the middle of dinner.

Why does this stuff only happen to me?

I sighed and turned back around, brokenly, "I'm not hungry."

Sirius grabbed some of a treacle tart and began crumbling it into pieces over his butterbeer, "I am!"

EWWWWWWW! GROSS!

"That's disgusting, Padfoot," I muttered, wrinkling up my nose.

Sirius shrugged, "It's like protein for my ego."

Like those purple strawberries?

"It makes my breath irresistible," he continued

I'm sure it does. Not.

Well, actually…

"I could use a bit of protein for my ego," I said in a matter-of-factly way. I grabbed the goblet from him and sipped it.

It's as bad as it looks

I blanched, "Ugh! This is horrid!"

"No one asked you to drink it!" Sirius snapped, snatching it back protectively.

I shrugged and slumped forward, no difference made to my still-tiny ego.

"Don't worry, Prongs, things will be better," Remus assured me.

I wish.

* * *

**A/N: Review, please! Sorry about the ego protein. I may be going insane. Next chapter can be expected on Saturday!  
**


	12. Sandwiches, Charlie, and Vests

**Author's Note: Ah, this was chapter was written while watching GOF, so it maybe a little brainless. Just a warning! Oh, and Lily's parents will come in a little later than planned, just to tell you.  
**

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HedwigandHermes7, Moony8193, marauders rox, Cristipotter, SweetSouthernGal, Isolde Eris, piggy396, Aliki, Tyem Marodyor, slowdown84 - Thank you! That chapter was meant for a bit of humor. I'm glad you liked it!  
headoverheels4HP- You'll get a part if you want it! I have horrible 'name-inventing' skills, anyway. ) Look out in the next chapter.  
marauders rox- Your opinion does matter, and I totally agree. I hate Lily/OC, too. I'll make them get together earlier, just for you! (I think the story would work out better like that, anyway.)  
**  
Disclaimer: I'm on a fan fiction website!  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Sandwiches, Charlie, and Vests  
(This chapter is rated K++ for references which can be considered innaproriate)**

"What are you eating?" I asked Lily dully, staring down at the crisp turkey sandwich in my hands.

Lily sniffed bitterly, "Ham sandwich."

"Wanna trade?" I offered.

"You bet," she replied, taking my own sandwich and placing hers in my empty hands.

I gave the ham sandwich a quick whiff, checking to make sure it smelled safe, and then took a large bite of it.

You would expect the house elves to better at cooking.

"So, Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Lily asked carelessly, taking a large bite out of her sandwich.

I looked up at her abruptly. She just had to bring it up, didn't she?

"Yeah," I agreed quietly, "What about it?"

Lily paused for a second, and then sipped her juice, "Who are you going with?"

No one. No thanks to you, Evans.

I opened my mouth to respond, and then quickly clamped it shut.

Wait a second. I couldn't just say I wasn't going with anyone. I'm James Potter. I eat women for breakfast, like Peter eats fourteen muffins for breakfast. I cannot make it seem like she has a date and I'm feeling bad about it.

"Why?" I finally decided to ask.

Lily cocked an eyebrow, "Actually, Jakey and I have a date tomorrow at The Three Broomstick. My friend from Ravenclaw, Maria is coming, too. You know, with Jakey and I."

She did _not_ just call him that.

"I was wondering if you and your date wanted to come, too." She concluded innocently, taking a bite out of the turkey sandwich I had given to her.

Hmmm… Do I want to be Lily and her git of a boyfriend's bitch and watch them snog each other senseless, with a plastered smile on my face?

"I'll pass."

"Please?" She asked, pouting. She held up her turkey sandwich, "Do it for the turkey I'm eating."

Did she really think that I cared about the turkey she was eating? I've always thought turkeys were weird…

"No," I replied.

Lily hung her head sadly.

Wait a second… I JUST REJECTED LILY EVANS! OH MY GOD! I NEED SOME WATER! WHERE'S MOONY WITH MY THE CAMERA? I SURE SHOWED HER! WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOH-

"Alright, I'll come," I blurted out, interrupting my thoughts. Lily looked up at me and beamed.

"Thanks, James! I'm going to tell Jake right now!" She squealed, pulling her bag over her shoulder. She grabbed her sandwich, gave me a quick hug, and raced away.

I sighed. I'm such a loser.

"So, what's up, Prongs my man?" Sirius asked me in a deep voice as he, along with Remus and Peter, slipped in the seat which had been occupied by Lily two minutes ago.

Have you noticed how they always swing by at the right time?

I narrowed my eyes, "What took you guys so long to get here?"

"Oh, Sirius is making us ignore Evans," Peter replied carelessly.

I quirked an eyebrow. Aren't they just great at keeping secrets?

Sirius smacked the back of Peter's head, "You weren't supposed to tell, you moron!"

Peter shrugged and Remus shook his head, "You're here early, anyway. Why are you having dinner this soon?"

It was all Lily. Honestly.

"I was planning the next match we have," I said, pointing to a pack of parchment with many sketches of little people on brooms.

"That's not for another month, Prongs," Peter informed me. Of course, only Peter would memorize my schedule.

"More importantly, why do you look just like Charlie Brown in those plans?" Remus asked me.

HOW DARE HE?

"HOW DARE YOU!" I spat. I then paused, "What's a Charlie Brown?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Charlie Brown is a boy in a muggle television show and in the 'Peanuts' comics."

What's a television show? I'm confused.

"Forget it," Remus muttered.

I shrugged and suddenly frowned as I remembered why I was supposed to be upset.

"Lily asked me out," I complained loudly.

All of their mouths dropped open, "WHAT?"

They're not helping…

"As on a double date. With her and her Jakey," I added on, annoyed.

Their mouths closed. _Now_ they get it.

"Why would you want to do something like that?" Peter asked.

Why is he asking me? How would I know?

"I dunno," I muttered, "But I need a date."

Sirius's face immediately lit up.

"Good grief," I muttered.

"He always said that! Charlie Brown always said that!" Remus suddenly exclaimed. I frowned automatically. Remus stayed thoughtful for a second, "He also always asked himself why he couldn't have a normal dog like everyone else." All eyes turned to Sirius, who pouted at this comment.

"I take offense at that," He said sadly.

Like we care.

He then quickly grinned again.

"Prongs!" He exclaimed.

"No," I replied immediately.

He pouted, "Please?"

"No," I repeated.

Remus sighed, "How do you guys do that?"

What - The looks? It comes naturally…

"Do what?" We asked together.

"That mind reading thing," Remus said, frowning.

Oh. That.

"Comes naturally," We said together, again.

There was a moment of silence. Sirius then turned to me again.

"Please?"

"No!"

I'll never give in. Never!

"Pleeeeease?" He pleaded.

"Fine," I muttered, stuffing my hands in my pocket.

"Awesome, I've always wanted to play Match Maker!" He got up from the bench, "Meet me in the Astronomy Tower in two hours. Here's my business card." He tossed me a tiny slip of parchment and ran off.

I heaved a sigh. This was just great.

» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «

"How exactly is Sirius planning on playing 'Match Maker' up there?" Peter asked me as we climbed up the steps, panting and sweating hard.

I shrugged. It's Sirius. Not even Dumbledore ever has the slightest idea what he's thinking about.

We climbed up another fifteen steps. By now, Peter and Remus were both dragging themselves up the stairs, out of breath. I, on the other hand, was climbing the steps like a normal person would.

Honestly, they have no stamina. Have they no shame?

"Merlin," Remus wheezed as he climbed next to me, "We've climbed over six hundred steps. Why the Astronomy Tower? Why not somewhere easy to get to? Like the library?" He pulled out his tiny-weird-bent-tubey-thingy he called an 'asthma inhaler' and took a great puff into it.

Did he honestly think Sirius would ask to go to the library? The fool's afraid of the place.

"No wonder the few people who actually take Astronomy are in such great shape," Peter muttered.

Remus wheezed.

"Sweater vest on too tight?" I snorted.

Remus wheezed in response. We just have such meaningful conversations.

After another forty-seven steps – I counted – we arrived to our destination. From the other side of the door, I heard a lot of chaos.

Much like Sirius's wardrobe… Hmm…

I pulled open the door.

In front of me, was a shirtless Sirius – he must enjoy the breeze- being fanned by leaves the size of Hagrid and fed purple strawberries by many girls. In fact, the whole room was filled with girls.

Good grief…

I've got to stop that.

"Sirius, what's going on?" I asked wearily.

In response, Sirius snapped his finger. As if he had suddenly announced that the world would go to You-Know-Who unless they got in a perfectly straight line, they lined up.

Sirius slowly got up, "Prongs, mate, I am the best, best friend a man could ask for."

That's what he thinks.

"Ask me why," Sirius demanded.

What if I don't feel like it? Huh?

"Why?" I asked lamely.

"Because I have gotten all the girls you could think of here, one lucky one to be chosen as your date for tomorrow's Hogsmeade trip," he explained coolly.

He didn't get Lily.

"Now, presenting our first contestant, Florala Ponte of Slytherin," Sirius began.

My eyes widened as a girl stepped forward.

Or was she even a girl?

She was roughly the size of Hogwarts itself and had enough brown facial hair to satisfy all the bald men in the world.

She shot me a quick smile and waved.

I think I'm going to be sick.

"Ewww…" I accidentally muttered, causing Florala to look very offended.

Sirius smiled, "Don't like Florala? No worries. Next, presenting Emmeline Vance of-"

"Hold on a second," I suddenly yelled, holding up my hands. The room quieted. "Look, no offense to anyone, but I think I'd like to go with a Gryffindor."

There was a loud, disappointed murmur in the crowd, and about a hundred of them stepped back.

"Alright, then. There's Lucy Wood of Gryffindor." Sirius said, looking a bit put down.

A girl stepped forward. This one wasn't ugly. No, she was half the size of me.

"A seventh year. A Gryffindor seventh year," I quickly squeaked.

Sirius grunted as all the girls stepped back, except for four – Adrianne Turner, Arielle McKinnon, Larissa Hopkins, and Alyssa Renaldo. Of course, there would be five, but Lily already had her Jakey.

Bah humbug.

Larissa went red, "Don't ask why I'm here, Potter. I… Wanted to know when the next Quidditch practice is… Yeah. I already have a boyfriend." She stepped back. I'm pretty sure she had muttered 'Awkward…" under her breath.

She so digs me.

Now, it was between Adrianne Turner - The girl who caused me to lose Lily, Arielle - Lily's bitchy friend, and Alyssa. Wow, this was really hard.

"Alyssa," I said immediately.

Alyssa, who was a tall, model-like blonde girl and a friend of Adrianne, had the reputation... Well, let's jus say she had a bad reputation. At the moment, she was wearing her school blouse, dyed pink and two sizes too small. Need I say more?

"Knew you'd come running back to me after that night we had in the fourth year," she said smoothly, "Honestly, you're the only guy around here who actually has experience." She winked, turned around, and strutted to the staircase.

Oh Merlin, kill me.

"Oy! I have experience!" Sirius called, running after her.

What was I getting myself into?

* * *

**A/N: I absolutely loved Sirius in this chapter! -swoons- Ah, well, please review! It makes me smile. Next chapter on Valentine's Day!  
**


	13. Alyssa, Tuna, and Platypi

**Author's Note: Not very fond of this chapter. It's been laying around in my documents since like chapter 2. It's actually a concidence this particular chapter is coming out today, on Valentines Day. Ironic, no?**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed!**

**Disclaimer: Psh... I own Harry Potter and Mundungus actually owns the stuff he sells.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Alyssa, Tuna, and Platypi  
(This chapter is rated K+)**

Lily jogged over to catch up with me, "James!"

"Hey, Lils," I greeted, hoping I didn't sound too sickly.

"Hey," Lily replied, giving me a huge smile, "So, how are you?"

Never been better.

"Still waiting for my date," I admitted truthfully.

Lily sighed, "Yeah, Jake and Maria are probably waiting for us in The Three Broomsticks right now." She turned to look up at me, "James, who exactly is your date?"

I paused dramatically. What? Can't I guy add a little drama? It's not like I want to make Lily jealous or anything…

Okay. Who am I kidding?

"Alyssa Reynolds," I replied.

Lily's eyes widened, "As in the Alyssa Reynolds in our year?"

I nodded. How many other Alyssa Reynolds were there?

"Wow," was all Lily muttered. We walked to The Three Broomsticks in silence, both deep in thought.

When we entered, I spotted the idiot sitting in a corner, chatting with Maria.

Maria was a pretty Ravenclaw who was really close friends with Lily. I went out with her in the fifth year. She spent the whole date talking about anchovy pizza… A Muggle food which I've never even heard of. I mean, come on, who puts cheese, tomatoes, and fish together? She's sweet, but she's a bit crazy with a very short attention span.

From next to me, Lily smiled and dragged me over to him.

She gave Maria a quick hug and turned to Jake, "Hey, Jakey," she greeted fondly, bending down to give him a quick peck on the lips.

Make them stop… Please…

She took a seat next to him and Robbins put down the magazine, "Hey, beautiful."

Everything should be beautiful to him. Even Peter's got better looks than the jerk.

Lily beamed and pointed to me, "Look, guys, James came along, too.

For the first time, Robbins looked up at me. He frowned.

Surprise!

On the other hand, Maria beamed, "James! Oh my god, have you gotten a haircut since when we went out? It's super cute. Have you ever considered highlights?"

I sat down across from them and forced a smile, "Hi, Maria. Your feet look bigger," I replied lamely.

Maria grinned even wider and I turned my attention turned back to Jake, "Hey, Jake. Remember me?"

"Of course I do, Po– _James_. You're captain of the Gryffindor team. You're doing a very good job at that, I must say." He said slowly.

I smiled some more. Of course I was doing a good job. I _was_ me.

"Should I order something to drink?" Robbins asked Lily.

Lily smiled and scooted closer to him, "Nah, we're still waiting on James's date, Alyssa."

Maria blinked, "As in the Alyssa Reynolds in our year?"

Merlin, Alyssa Reynolds isn't even that common of a name!

"That's the one," I said.

Robbins snorted, "She's already here."

Damnit, I really need to get my glasses checked…

"Where?" Lily asked, looking around us.

He pointed over to a girl who was making out with one of the bartenders in the back.

Figures.

"Oi! Alyssa!" I called. She pulled away from him, then smiled and began walking slowly towards us, swinging her hips.

Robbins sighed, "Must suck to have a date like her."

Maria giggled and Lily hit his shoulder lightly, "Jake!"

Strangely, I'm not affected.

Alyssa finally reached us. My eyes immediately drifted down to her clothing. Well, if you called that clothing. She wore angel sleeved neon pink robes which were_ really, really _short and shaggy boots.

Well, it would have been nice if maybe Lily was wearing a little less, too…

"James!" Alyssa greeted suavely. I went red. Merlin, did she have to get the whole pub staring at us?

And if that was anything, it was nothing compared to what she did next. Roughly, she grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me into a kiss. If you called that a kiss.

…

She tastes like grass and tuna.

Finally, after at least ten minutes, she pulled away. Still stark red, I turned to face Lily and Robbins, who both looked extremely embarrassed. Maria smirked.

"Umm… Drinks…" Robbins muttered, immediately taking off.

Loser. Cowardly, girl-stealing loser.

"Erm… You have a little…" Lily began quietly, pointing to my mouth.

Oh great.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked down at it. It was dark red from lipstick.

I really hate Alyssa.

I sheepishly wiped my hand on my jeans and looked away.

Finally, Robbins returned with the butterbeer and placed one in front of each of us. I quickly grabbed mine and put it to my lips, eager to hide my embarrassment.

Alyssa, surprisingly, was the first to finish it off.

"So, who's up for a game of truth and dare?" She asked cheerily.

"Truth and dare? I once played that game when I was in the f- Oh my god, is that a puppy?" Maria squealed.

See what I mean by short attention span?

"Excellent!" Alyssa cheered, "I'll go first!" She put down her bottle and gave it a quick spin.

It landed pointing to Robbins. He looked bewildered.

Haha. Serves him right.

"Truth or dare, Jake?" She asked him flirtatiously.

Jake blinked, "Umm… Truth?"

"Alright, Jake. Who do you think is hotter – Flitwick or Slughorn?" She asked.

Lily choked on her butterbeer, turning red from keeping herself from giggling and I snorted.

"Erm, Flitwick?" Robbins asked nervously.

Maria smiled, "You answered that rather fast, didn't you?"

I snorted again as Robbins snatched up the bottle in embarrassment and gave it a quick twirl. It landed on Lily.

"Alright, Muffin, truth or dare?" He asked.

Muffin. What a boring pet name. If she were my girlfriend, I would call her something special… like licorice stick. I could use a licorice stick…

Lily smiled, "Dare. And remember, Jake, I know where you live."

I grinned. That girl has got it going on.

Robbins smiled nervously, "Eh, yeah. Umm… I dare you to climb on the table and sing a song."

The smile on Lily's face disappeared. According to her diary, she hated to sing in public. My poor little flower.

But then again, would you really expect Lily Evans to turn down a dare?

She climbed on the table, catching the whole pub's attention, and began singing beautifully about twinkling stars or something.

After she was done, she climbed down, grinning, "You never specified what song."

Jake grinned and Lily spun the bottle. It landed on Maria.

Today must really be my lucky day.

"Alright, Maria, truth or dare?" Lily asked, still smiling.

Maria, who had been examining her nails, looked up, "Dare."

"Okay… Then… I dare you to go seduce McGonagall," she said smoothly.

Maria grinned, "Fine!" She then quickly grabbed the bottle and gave it a spin. It landed on… Me.

So much for the good luck streak.

"Truth or dare?" She asked in a rather sweet manner.

Hmm… Let's see… Do I really want to risk having to be dared to wander around Hogsmeade naked?

Nah.

"Truth," I answered.

What could I possibly want to hide from them, anyway?

"How many girls have you kissed in your lifetime?" She asked.

Oh, I'd want to hide that.

I can't say that I've kissed forty-six different girls. It's not my fault I used to be a womanizing prat.

I suddenly gasped, "AH! THERE'S AN EYEBALL EATING VIRIUS ON… HIM!" I yelled and pointed to the bartender Alyssa had been kissing. He went red and all the people in the pub ran out screaming, including Lily, Robbins, Alyssa, and I. Maria stayed inside and rushed to the bartender's aid.

Once we reached outside, Robbins shot me a death glare, "What was that for, Potter?"

I shrugged. At least I had avoided the question.

"Oh my god," Alyssa suddenly said slowly, staring at something.

Sirius was probably walking around in the nude again.

"What?" Lily asked, turning to face what she was staring at. Her mouth suddenly dropped open, "Oh my god, we so have to go there!"

"Totally," Alyssa agreed.

I frowned, "Where?"

"Gladrags Wizardwear is having a clearance sale!" Alyssa squealed, "They have the cutest purses."

"Come on," Lily said cheerfully. She looked at Robbins and I briefly, "You two wait here."

I watched as our dates took of running.

What is it with girls and purses?

"So, our dates have something in common, eh?" I asked slowly, forcing a smile.

"Yeah," Robbins agreed bitterly. He suddenly turned to face me, "Why are you so close with _my_ girlfriend?"

Does the word friend have any meaning to him? Or is his vocabulary still too small for six-letter words?

"We're friends," I said, shrugging.

Robbins calmed down a bit, "Yeah, I'm sorry. Lily's just always so happy around you. I thought you guys used to hate each other."

And I thought he had a life.

"We used to," I chuckled.

And as we stood there in an awkward silence, waiting for our dates to return, I silently told myself I had never hated her.

**» ****♦****♦****♦****♦****♦****♥****♦****♦****♦****♦****♦****« **

"How'd the date go?" Sirius asked me as we as we completed our Transfiguration.

I've decided to resort to ignore any mentions of the date.

"James?" Sirius asked.

No response. Must refrain from blacking him out.

"Anyone home, Mr. Platypus?" He asked, taking his quill and waving it in my face.

I frowned and turned to him, "Mr. Platypus?"

"I've always been rather fond of platypi. Or is the plural form platypuses? Probably. The world may never know," Sirius said dully.

I gave him a weird look and then turned back to my essay.

There were a few minutes of silence.

"You don't mean to tell me the date was that bad, did you?" Sirius finally asked.

It was worse than Snape winning the Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw.

I sighed, deciding to stop 'bottling up my feelings', "It was the worst date imaginable. Alyssa was seducing me every moment imaginable, Maria was acting totally wild, Lily clung onto Robbins the whole time, and Robbins was actually being decent after he cleared up the fact that Lily and I were just friends."

"What's so bad about Robbins being decent?" Sirius asked curiously.

Does he not see the picture? Robbins is the antagonist. Antagonist equals EVIL. Therefore, Robbins must act EVIL.

I sighed and ruffled up my hair, "Everything. You wouldn't get it. It's just a smart peoples' thing."

A few more moments of silence.

"Haha, Prongs is an idiot! Evans won't go out with you!" Sirius suddenly jeered.

See why I won't call him the 'heroic, loyal sidekick'?

"Shut up," I muttered, staring at my essay.

"Loser, loser!" Sirius taunted.

Now he's crossed the border. That bloody border which is not meant to be passed. Bad things happen if you cross the border. Especially to morons like Sirius.

Because no one calls James Potter a loser, except for James Potter.

"Shut up!" I yelled, throwing my quill on the table, "SHUT UP!" I repeated and stood up, feeling anger boil through me, "I am not a loser! I am a winner. I have done everything a boy could do to pursue Lily Evans. After seven years of failure, have I given up? NO! I have gotten back up after every rejection. Anyone else in my place would have buckled under all the hurt. But I'm strong, Sirius. I'll never give up on Lily Evans. I'll get her to be mine if it's the last thing I do! And no one – not you, not Robbins, not any of the girls who chase me, not ANYONE can stop me. So go away, alright?"

My voice rang through the common room and I glared at Sirius.

Wow, I am good at monologues. They should offer jobs as monologueists.

"Prongs?" Sirius asked quietly.

"What?" I asked, maybe a little harsher than I should have been.

Sirius bit his lip and pointed to something behind.

What, is there a dancing a platypus there or something?

I slowly turned to see what he was pointing at and felt my heart sink. There, stood Lily Evans, looking both shocked and scared, standing in front of the portrait hole. Our eyes met briefly, and then she turned and ran away.

Damn it all. I hate my life.

I gave Sirius a weary look and without a second thought, took off after her. I may have ran for a few minutes at most, the whole time my heart pounding to hard to think. Finally, I saw her standing there in an empty corridor, staring at me.

I took a step towards her, "Lily?"

Lily simply stared back.

"How much did you hear?" I asked numbly.

We stood there in silence.

"I heard enough," Lily replied softly.

I rumpled up my hair. So she had heard my monologue. Was this good? Would this make her realize I am a good person? Or will this make her think I'm an arrogant git, simply using her friendship?

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked after a while.

I turned to her sharply and felt myself laugh bitterly, "I have told you, Lily. Have you forgotten about the last six years already?"

Lily shook her head, "I kind of had to forget to be your friend, James. You were one of the worst people ever. I'm glad you've changed."

"I haven't changed, Lily," I suddenly said, "Maybe technically, but not at heart." I unconsciously began walking towards her, "In the last six years, I've always fancied you, Lily. Sure, it wasn't always the love, sometimes it was so mild that I didn't even notice, but I did like you. And then I changed, because you hated me for who I was. But Lily, I really didn't. I made that change for you, and I won't lie to you, the only reason I want to be your friend is because I love you."

"Don't say that, James," Lily said quietly, "You don't know love."

I forced a chuckle. She had no idea.

"Most people think love is just passion, desire, or affection. But it's not. You can't describe something as powerful as love in one word, Lils.

"Once you let yourself fall in love, there's no falling out of love." Realizing that I had walked so close to her that we were practically touching, I lifted up my hand and caressed her cheek, "Once you give your heart away, there's no getting it back. It may have been the biggest mistake ever, but who said love isn't a mistake? Please, don't try to return my heart; it won't work. Just give me a chance."

My monologue skills are slackening. Even Peter would have found too cheesy.

I looked down into Lily's eyes, not quite as surprised to see them wet again. Perhaps she's developed an allergy with me.

Lily slowly wrapped her arms around me. She then stood on her tiptoes, pulled me a down a little so we were the same height, let her face come closer to me, and…

SHE KISSED ME!

LILY EVANS KISSED ME – ON THE LIPS!

A TWENTY-SEVEN SECOND, OPEN-MOUTHED KISS!

WOOHOO! I ROCK!

"This is so bad," Lily whispered, breathing heavy.

I buried my head in her shoulder, unable to control myself, "I already know I'm bad, baby."

* * *

**A/N: Heh. That was a huge relief. Anyway, please review! For Valentine's Day? Pweeese...? x3**

**  
Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day, on that note!  
**


	14. Chapped Lips, Arteries, and Phases

**Author's Note: This chapter is kind of brain-less. Hehe. I'm glad you guys loved the last chapter! I loved all the reviews and I read them all. I hope you guys don't mind that I'm not review replying anymore. If anyone wants to ask me any questions, just email me - my email address is on my profile. My AIM sn is zomgitsmsmwpp, for anyone who just wants to chat about book 7. I always reply. x3  
**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed!**

**Disclaimer: Tell me when Jo decides to sell HP on ebay!  
**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Chapped Lips, Arteries, and Phases  
(This chapter is rated K)**

"You know, you're really sweet," Lily informed me in a matter-of-factly way as we sat in Peter's hut, which he had now abandoned as he realized I wasn't a loser after all.

I, who had been sketching a lovely picture if Lily, laughed and looked up at my new girlfriend, "Everything about me is sweet, eh?"

Lily smirked and continued posing as I dipped my quill in my little ink bottle.

"James," Lily began suddenly, "With whom did you share your first kiss?"

That's an easy one… It was with… That person… Erm…

"I forget," I admitted, concentrating on my portrait.

"Come on," Lily moaned, "Think hard."

I've never been too good at thinking.

"Well, I know I kissed a lot of girls in the second year, so it was probably during our first year…" I muttered, drawing her nose.

Lily frowned, "James Potter, tell me, _now_."

Sheesh.

"Erm… Let's see. I vaguely remember a game of truth and dare…" I began, looking up at Lily.

Yes, yes. It's coming back to me…

"And… It was dark outside. I was feeling extra daring," I recalled thoughtfully.

That's it…

"And I was dared by Sirius to kiss someone," I mused.

Lily scooted forward, "Tell me!"

Right…

"Pale skin… Brown eyes... Glasses… Chapped Lips…" I whispered, racking my brain.

I froze.

"OH MERLIN!" I screamed.

"Tell me!" Lily screamed back, anxiously, "Tell me!"

Never. I can never tell this to anyone!

Lily stepped forward even more, "Tell it to me now if you ever want to have kids."

I gulped.

"Alright. Name starts with L…" I began timidly.

Lily put her hands on hips.

I reddened, "And ends with an 'ionel Smith'."

Lily and I stared at each other for a few minutes.

Thank goodness she wasn't laughing.

I waited five more seconds.

…And then she burst out laughing.

"Shut up," I muttered, giving her my best death glare. Which really isn't much of a death glare.

I crossed my arms and dropped the stuff in my hands.

Am I stupid or what?

The ink, of course splattered on the floor. Oh how I wish I was a seer.

"They should really invent self-inking quills," I said firmly, waving my wand to restore the bottle.

Lily smiled, trying to hold back the laughter, looking thoughtful, "You know, in some really big Muggle places, they have self-flushing toilets."

That's absolutely brilliant.

"Whoa…" I whispered, "Muggles are geniuses."

Lily giggled, "You're so weird."

I smiled at her and continued sketching.

Hey, at least I'm hot.

A few more minutes passed by with the sole sound the scratching of my quill.

"You almost done?" She asked impatiently.

I bit my lip, "No."

An artist needs time and concentration. Hmm… I've always wondered how many letters were in the word concentration. C-O-N-C-E-N-T-R-A-T-I-O-N. Twelve? No, wait thirteen. Or does concentration have an 's'? C-O-N-S-E-

"James, you've been staring into space for the past five minutes. Can I please see my portrait?" Lily asked me, crossing her arms over her chest.

I looked down at my gorgeous picture. It may just be good enough to show her.

"Tada!" I exclaimed as I handed her the picture.

She stared down at it and…

Blinked…

No clapping! No cheering, crying, kissing, or even tickling! She just blinked!

"James, what in the name of Godric is that?" She asked me stiffly, pointing at the heart I had drawn next to her.

I learned my shapes by the time I turned five. I guess I'm alone at that.

"Because it looks like an obese frog eating a wheel of cheese," she continued.

Now that hurts.

"It's a heart," I whined, snatching the picture back, "I'm deeply wounded."

"Oh sorry," Lily said quickly, "I thought that thing over there was a heart."

Okay, now she's just being mean.

"That's a tree!" I cried, pointing to it, "See that cute little thing at the top? That's a squirrel!"

"Oh," Lily muttered, squinting, "I thought it was an artery."

And to think I was going to name the squirrel after her.

"Well, the kind of heart I drew doesn't have arteries," I snapped, rumpling up my hair.

Lily frowned, "Well… That's why I was all confused. When attempting to flatter, most people don't draw hearts made of muscle…"

Aw, and she thinks I'm like most people! So sweet!

"Muscle…" I leaned back in the chair I had been sitting in, "Do you think my heart's made of muscle?"

Lily frowned and gave me an interested look, "No. I think your heart is cut out of a mattress."

How very romantic.

"What makes you think that?" I asked, highly offended.

Lily smiled, "You're heart's soft, fuzzy, and warm to those who like it. And one of its most prominent characteristics is the way it can bend back in shape instantly the moment it's affected."

Yahoo! I'm a cushion-heart!

"Thanks, Licorice Stick," I replied, placing a kiss on her cheek.

Lily raised an eyebrow, "Licorice Stick?"

What? Have pet names become illegal all of a sudden?

"Well, it's better than Muffin… You're filthy ex had a horrible imagination," I spat.

Lily gave me a disapproving look, "James, he's not my ex."

She's right. He's not her ex _yet_.

"He will be soon!" I reminded her.

Lily looked away. It took her a few seconds to respond.

"Maybe I don't want to break up with him," she said very quietly.

WHAT?

I got up, grabbing my stuff, "What do you mean by that? Here you are, all over me, and you're saying you don't want to break up with Robbins?"

Lily gave me a sharp look, "James… I never said I was going to break up with him."

I gave her an incredulous look, "Are you bloody mad?"

Then, unable to control myself, I kicked open the backdoor, knocking it down, and stomped towards the castle.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"I don't get girls," Sirius ranted, stomping into our dormitory.

"That makes two of us!" Peter called from behind his hangings.

"Three," Lionel piped from the windowsill, where he had been reading.

"Four," Remus agreed hoarsely from Sirius's wardrobe, where he had been cleaning out the girls' left over makeup supplies.

All eyes turned to me.

Why do I have to be number five?

"Oh, yeah, me too," I said wearily from my bed, sitting up.

Sirius sighed and leaned against the wall, "Okay, dorm meeting, then."

I'm in charge of the dorm meetings! Just as I'm in charge of the Marauders. I mean, come on, where would those boys be without me?

…I imagine Oxford…

"I have no more girls to shag," Sirius complained.

Why am I not surprised?

Remus smacked his forehead, "Sirius, you're _seventeen_, for god's sake!"

"I know my age, Moony!" Sirius cried, "It's the shortage of girls which bugs me!"

I rolled my eyes, "You could always have a go at the professors," I spat sarcastically

Bad images…

Sirius clapped his hands, "Excellent idea! I ought to practice seducing Sinistre."

And I thought maple syrup was gross.

"I think my problem's more important!" I suddenly blurt out.

Damn my utter need to be best at everything.

Remus cocked in eyebrow, "Prongs, no offense or anything, but your problem with Lily never going out with you is really, really old."

Oh yeah. They don't know. Heh.

"Well, actually, Lily's my girlfriend now. We kissed last night. And now, she's refusing to break up with Robbins," I explained hastily.

Peter whipped back the hangings and gawked at me. Everyone else stared, except for Lionel…

He passed out.

"Woohoo, Prongs got the girl?" Sirius croaked

He's so supportive. I ought to get him a 'Prongs is #1' flashing foam finger for his birthday.

Remus cleared his throat, "Erm… Wow, James. That was unexpected…"

"I know that! Can you guys help me with my problem now?" I asked impatiently.

The morons just kept on staring. I heard a loud thump to signal that Peter was out, too.

"Padfoot? Moony?" I asked hopefully to the last two still conscious.

Sirius shook his head and got up, "Sorry, mate, I need ice for my headache." He strolled out of the room, kicking Lionel's body aside.

He hates me!

"Moony?" I asked quietly.

Remus smiled a small, tired smile, "James, go talk to her. Ask her why. She's probably going through a hard phase."

That is why _I_ am too cool for phases.

I slowly got up and began towards the door.

"Oh, and James?" He called.

I better not have toilet paper stuck to my shoe again…

"Remember, if you love her, you'll listen," he said carefully.

Thank goodness.

"…And you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe."

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"Lily, wait up!" I called loudly, as Lily walked passed me on her way to the library without even looking at me.

Lily steps faltered, but she continued walking.

"Wait up!" I repeated, racing after her.

Of course, with my extraordinary Quidditch skills, I was soon walking side by side with her.

She finally stopped and looked at me, making sure to sigh heavily, "What?"

Is this my cue for a really long monologue?

"Listen, Lily. I'm so sorry about yesterday. I was being stupid. I should have listened to you before getting all mad. Please forgive me. I really like you and don't want to lose you," I said quietly, not breaking eye contact.

This made Lily smile. Thank goodness.

"It's not truly your fault. I didn't really break it to you nicely, either," Lily said, softly.

"It's fine, Licorice Stick," I said sweetly, running a hand throgh her hair, "Look, let's just not argue. It's your choice if you want to break up with that loser, anyway. Just don't leave me."

She took my hands and smiled, "You don't have to worry about that, James."

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**A/N: Phew. That chapter was... weird. Anyway, review! I hope we can get at least 180 reviews! They really keep me going! Next chapter'll be up on Friday/Saturday.**


	15. Pots, Planks, and Really Hyper Flowers

**Author's Note: New favorite chapter! This one was so easy to write and really fun. I actually wrote it while watching TV, so it should be extra funny. I did make mention of a certain Star Wars character, but I haved never watched the movies and have no idea what year they came out, so don't get upset if Star Wars actually came out in 1986 or something. Cause I have no idea, LOL.  
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**Thanks to all those who reviewed! I loved all of them!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own... My radio which is currently playing the new Avril Lavigne song for the eigth time... And that's basically all I own.  
**

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**Chapter Fifteen: Pots, Planks, and Really Hyper Flowers  
(This chapter is rated K... Or maybe K+)**

One week. One whole week.

What are you supposed to get your secret girlfriend for your one week anniversary?

I silently sat in Herbology, twirling my pot around on a finger, not paying the tinniest bit of attention to Professor Sprout.

Lily and I had been going out in secret for exactly a week now. She apparently didn't have the heart to ditch Jake. Although she did have the heart to dump ice cream on Peter after he accidentally fell on her. Not that I'm complaining or anything.

"Mr. Potter, would you like to tell me what kinds of plants the Jarvey feeds on?" Professor Sprout asked, interrupting my train of thoughts.

I looked up briefly. "The Jarvey has a completely omnivorous diet," I replied quickly.

Professor Sprout looked put down, "That's correct. I swear, Potter, you and Black are both the only students I've ever had who know everything I've taught them and more without paying the slightest bit of attention."

Sirius, who had been fast asleep, head in a pot, snapped up at the mention of his name, "Huh?"

I think we all know who the smarter one is…

Sprout rolled her eyes and went back to her explanation. Suddenly, an idea hit me.

Sirius. He's smart. He'll know what to get Lily.

Slowly and quietly, I inched closer to Sirius, "Hey, Padfoot!"

Sirius looked at me curiously, "That's my name."

No! _That's_ why I call him that!

"I know, you idiot," I snapped impatiently.

"Oy, don't be a Jarvey," Sirius retorted, playfully.

Don't attack the only source of help, even if he is a moron, Potter.

I took a deep breath, "Sirius, do you know what I can get Lily?"

Sirius's face darkened, "Huh?"

"It's our first week anniversary," I explained. "I have to get her something really nice."

"Get Evans a Quaffle," Sirius muttered.

Wow! That's a good one, Sirius! Too bad she hates playing Quidditch!

"What are you going on about?" I asked curiously.

Sirius shrugged and began packing up his books up as Professor Sprout announced that we could leave, "It just might be big enough to stuff that huge mouth of hers and keep her quiet for five minutes."

I blinked hard as Sirius stalked out of the room.

Isn't he just a doll?

I sighed. Looks like I'd just have to ask Remus.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"So, what should I get her?" I whispered to Remus, who was reading a book and silently munching on some muggle chocolate in the library.

Remus shrugged, "Nothing?"

Oh, why did I ask the guy who hasn't gone on a date in his life for girl advice?

I banged my head against the table, "I have to get her something!"

Remus looked up briefly, "No you don't. James, it's only been a week. Just kiss her and tell her that you think she's lovely. You guys aren't even officially going out."

Kiss her and tell her she's lovely. How original.

I shrank low in my chair, "You don't get it. I _love_ the girl."

Remus sniffed tensely, looking back at his book, "I believe in Omiai."

Obi-Wan Kenobi?

"It's an old Japanese custom where single individuals are introduced to each other to consider the possibility of marriage," he explained, rolling his eyes.

Ewww…

"That's boring, Moony," I muttered.

Then again, Remus is Mr. Boring.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Prongs, but what I'm saying is that I won't be much of a help," Remus said, eyes still glued to his book.

I pouted. Does he want to me to go running to Peter?

"Oh, don't give me that look, you neonate," Remus scolded.

Neonate? Is that supposed to be insult?

"Have you been reading the dictionary again?" I asked him suspiciously, narrowing my eyes.

Remus went red and shook his head fervently, "Don't be silly."

This is why I am the cool kid. I could actually hide the fact that I was reading the dictionary if I wanted to. Not that I'd ever do that, or anything.

Cautiously, I lifted up Remus's book so I could see the front cover and immediately groaned. Typical Moony.

"You're reading the thesaurus?" I asked him wearily.

Remus looked away, "It's riveting, okay?"

I blinked. Oh Merlin, he's insane. And what does riveting mean?

I slowly pulled the book out of his grasp and turned to the page which had the word 'gift' on it.

I'm losing it.

"Moony, Moony, Moony. What… 'largesse' should I get Lily?" I asked him in a business-like tone.

Remus cleared his throat, "Actually, largesse is used more in term of charity."

That's it. The gloves are coming off. Not that I wear gloves. I'm too cool for them. A big boy like me can handle bubotuber pus without gloves.

Who am I kidding? It's so unsanitary to work without gloves. I have no idea why it's cool!

"Okay, Buddy," I growled, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him forward so our faces were merely inches apart, "I want to know what to get Lily for our anniversary, and I want to know _now_."

Remus smiled nervously and held up his half-eaten chocolate bar, "Candy?"

Candy? CANDY! HE WANTS ME TO GET HER CANDY!

I personally do not want a fat girlfriend with yellow teeth. She's always complaining about how the meals here are too fattening, anyway. See? I'm helping her by not getting her candy. Who cares if she loves it?

"Potter, Lupin, what is the meaning of this?" Madam Pince barked as she swooped down on us, "I will not allow this kind of behavior. You can take all of your candy and perform your little sexual antics some where else."

Oh dear mother of Merlin, please tell me she did not just say 'sexual antics'.

"They're gay?" I heard a girl ask from the other side of the room, "No! Why are all the hot ones gay?"

A boy stared at us, "You know, they do look rather sweet together."

You know what would look sweet? Me punching his jaw out.

I backed away from Remus, making sure to shoot him a death glare.

Looks like I have no choice. I'm going to have to ask help from…

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"Peter!" I called loudly, banging on the door of a miniature version of Hagrid's hut in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch.

Peter had taken to copying Hagrid, for some reason or the other. I think he decided that copying me was getting him no where, and I have officially been demoted from 'King of Hogwarts' to 'the scum under Lionel Smith's bed'.

"Peter?" I repeated louder.

There was the sound of shuffling feet, "Coming!"

A few seconds later, Peter threw open the door, looking out of breath.

I blinked hard. He was wearing a huge over coat and had obviously used a very bad hair-growth potion to grow him a very unattractive beard.

"Prongs," Peter greeted warmly, pulling open the wooden-plank-door-thing for me to enter. I gave him a weird look and slid through the small, place wondering how he had fit in. Inside, there was a couch, a huge cauldron, and a display of uncooked meat. I wrinkled up my nose.

When I get my own house, I am never going for the 'raw meat decor'.

I unconsciously rumpled up my hair and took a seat on the couch, putting my feet up so I could actually fit.

"What brings you here?" Peter asked in a deep voice, sounding nothing like Hagrid.

I examined the back of my shoe, which was now in good view from the position I was sitting in, "Actually, Wormtail, I needed your help."

"My help?" Peter squealed, turning around suddenly, causing the 'door' to fall down.

Smooth…

"Umm… Yeah," I replied cautiously.

"Merlin, he wants my help?" Peter asked no one in particular eagerly, "Gee, Prongs, I'm nervous, but I think I can help."

"Alright. I need to know what to get Lily for our one week anniversary," I said solemnly.

Peter gaped at me, "Did I say I was nervous? Well, what I meant was that I'm a parking spot away from terrorized. James! I know nothing about girls."

I pouted. Even a loser like him has to have something. He is my friend, after all.

"Erm… Let's talk this over tea," he said slowly, heading towards the cauldron, "Do you want a rock cake? Or some dirt cookies, perhaps?"

Does hygiene have no meaning to our modern world?

"Can't I just have a peanut butter sandwich?" I asked desperately.

"I don't have any peanut butter," Peter replied, reaching into the cauldron, "But I have almond butter, brazil nut butter, cashew butter, candlenut butter, corn nut butter, macadamia butter, pistachio butter-"

"Okay, okay!" I said quickly flailing out my hands to signal him to stop, "I get the point. I'll just eat later."

He has pistachio butter, but he doesn't have peanut butter. How is that fair?

"Maybe I should get her some jewelry," I asked calmly.

"Jewelry is expensive. Wouldn't you rather get her a sock?" Peter asked me, starting his preparation for his tea.

And have my face punched in? Sure!

"No," I snapped, "How about some chocolate?"

"Erm… Chocolate? Why chocolate?" Peter asked nervously.

"Moony suggested it. Don't you have a big pocket full of it, anyway?" I asked quizzically.

After all, he doesn't get that extra blubber from buying pistachio butter.

Peter smiled sheepishly and turned out his pockets. Heaps of empty chocolate wrappers fell to the floor.

Why aren't I surprised?

"Flowers. There are always flowers!" Peter suggested.

Flowers. Why didn't I think of that? And I'm actually smart!

"Flowers! That's perfect!" I cried, pulling him into a hug, "You rock, Wormtail."

I thumped him on the back and raced out of door, pretty sure I heard Peter mutter something about changing his identity again.

Now, for the flowers...

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"Hey," I greeted quietly.

Lily looked around us, smirking slightly, "A broom cupboard?"

Yes, isn't the wonderful aroma of dirt, brooms, and mud so wonderful?

"It's secretive and way better than inside Slughorn's cauldron," I said lightly.

Our last date four days ago. I winced at the memories. How was I supposed to know he was actually planning on making a potion? That too, one involving bat droppings?

Lily smiled and shook her head, "Don't remind me."

I laughed and looked into her eyes. Her green eyes… Her dark green eyes… Her almond-shaped dark green eyes… Her shiny, almond sh-

"James, you okay?" Lily asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I grinned sheepishly, "Yeah. Erm… I got you something."

Lily's eyes lit up, "You didn't…"

Gosh, how would she know if I did or not?

I slowly pulled out a small bag from the knapsack on my shoulders and handed it to her, "Happy one week anniversary."

Lily beamed and pulled out the plant I had gotten her – a huge, pink flower. She looked up at me astonished, "It's beautiful, James."

Should I say 'Just like you'? Or would that make her gag?

"I think it's pretty rare," I bragged instead, unable to control myself.

Lily smiled peacefully and sniffed it, "It's beautiful, James. But it looks a bit familiar. Where could you have possibly have gotten it?

Funny story about that, actually…

Lily suddenly screamed and dropped the plant, as it turned into a flame.

I stared. Do flowers normally do that?

Lily spent the next few minutes extinguishing the fire, as I gaped, swearing softly.

"James!" She cried after she had finally gotten the fire out, "Where did you get that?"

I smiled sheepishly, "Herbology greenhouse…"

She blinked, as if about to scold me, but decided not to. Instead, to my relief, she burst out laughing, "You are so stupid."

Why do they all say that?

"You know, this is what I love about us," Lily commented after she had regained her breath, "We're just like best friends."

I smirked and leaned in to kiss her. I felt her smile warmly a bubble of happiness formed in my chest. After a while, I pulled away, gazing affectionately at her, "Except for that."

"Except for that," Lily agreed, laughing softly. She took my hand, "I think we ought to go now. My dorm mates might get suspicious. I didn't tell any of them I was going out with you secretly, you know."

I pouted. I shouldn't be pouting. Have you ever seen a deer pout? Pouting is for Siriuses.

"Please stay?" I begged.

Lily smiled and gave me a quick peck on the lips, "We'll get some more 'Lily-James time' tomorrow. Now, I have to go and be Ms. Perfect for 'my precious Jakey'." She paused, allowing herself to laugh, "It's amazing I used to think he was hot a week ago."

I don't think it's amazing. I think it's repulsive.

She gave my hand a quick squeeze, "See you tomorrow." She smiled, and walked out of the door.

Shouldn't I make some totally romantic monologue or something?

I grabbed her arm, "Wait."

She gave me a curious look.

How can people think puppies are cute when Lily Evans is on our Earth?

"Since we're gonna pretend we're friends, could you just stop it?" I begged.

"Stop what?" Lily whispered.

I pulled her closer, "Stop looking so bloody hot all the time. I think Robbins feels suspicious when he sees me drooling every time I set eyes on you."

Lily smiled softly, "James, that is so sweet."

I try.

She pulled me down into a passionate kiss. Unable control myself, I deepened it. Seconds of warmth and passion ticked by, and as no signs of stopping came, she let her hands reach for my hair and started running her fingers through it.

This is why I try.

I began backing up as the kiss became even deeper, my head swirling. I stepped back, back, back…

…And then I fell against the open door.

A few moments later, Lily and I were on the floor outside the closet, her on top of me.

But there's more. We were being watched.

By Jake Robbins.

I watched as Robbins, gazing at us like a fish out of water backed away, gave Lily a last glance, and took off running.

Strangely, I don't feel affected.

Minutes of silence.

Lily groaned and laid her head on my chest, "I can't believe it. I am so unlucky."

While I, here, am officially THE LUCKIEST BLOKE ALIVE. Now that Jake's out of the picture, she's all mine.

…And then, to spice things up, the flower caught fire again.

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**A/N: Half way through the story! It's 11:10 pm right now. I better sleep before I lose it. Review! Please! I know you wanna! Anywho, next chapter on... Wednesday!**


	16. Bullies, Purple Sweaters, and The King

**Author's Note: Well, I showed this chapter to a friend and she was all like 'Girl, you need to make it more 'T'ish, cause it is rated T'. So that was hard to write, but I hope I passed. Anyway, read and tell me. By the way, loved the rveiews I got this time a lot!  
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**Thanks to all those who reviewed! I loved all of them! If you have any questions, PM me, because reviews don't always reach me.  
**

**Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish I wasn't doing my homework.  
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**Chapter Sixteen: Bullies, Purple Sweaters, and The King  
(This chapter is T! Yay!)**

"How did he take it?" I asked anxiously as Lily and I made our way to the owlery.

Lily sighed, "Not well at all."

YES!

I mean, oh no…

"Aw, I probably wasn't that bad," I said reassuringly, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Lily let out a forced laugh, "James, he started crying."

What a loser…

"What did you do?" I asked playfully, "Beat him up after he turned down being 'just friends'?"

She laughed, "Something like that. More gory, though."

"Oh dear," I exclaimed in mock horror.

We both laughed again and I stuffed my hands in my pockets. Although it was the end of February, it was still freezing.

We slowly approached the now-dark owlery and I opened the door, allowing entrance to my lovely, hot, sexy, sweet, perfect, wonderful - Sorry, I'll stop now – girlfriend.

After moaning quietly for a few seconds about how they should invent 'thermal boxers', I stepped inside after her and we both walked over to one of the Hogwarts owls.

"Who are you owling?" I asked curiously, peaking over her shoulder as she pulled out a wrinkled parchment from her pocket.

"My mum," Lily replied, searching through the pockets of her coat. That too, the deerskin coat. She must hate me.

"Damn it," Lily whispered, wrinkling her brow, "I forget string to tie the note to its leg." She shoved the parchment into my hands, "Hold this. I'm going to ask Professor Vector for some. The Arithmancy room is right at the bottom of the West Tower, so it shouldn't take me too long."

And with that, she gracefully skipped out of the room.

Alright, more like stalked.

I looked down at the parchment in my hands. I really shouldn't read it. It's Lily's private letter, none of my business. I would be invading her personal space by reading it. I won't read it, I won't read it, I won't read it, I won't re-

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," I whispered aloud, "I'm a _Marauder_."

Without giving it a second thought, I unfolded the parchment and stared down at it.

_Dear Mary Grace,_

_How have you been? Gods, we're overwhelmed with work here. The big exams I told you about are fast approaching. I cannot believe the year is passing by so fast._

_I would tell you that I haven't been with any guys throughout the year to make you happy, but that would be a total lie. I've actually have been with two different guys. The first one was perfect. Jake. Remember, I used to talk about him all summer? Well, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. And I still can't believe it, but I dumped him for my enemy! I think I'm going insane!_

_I loved that new purple sweater you sent me, by the way. Even though it's four sizes too big. (I'm not that huge!)_

_Tell Petunia I miss her, even though that's the biggest fib I've ever told. Ha, I'm so glad you're not here to yell at me. Tell dad I hope he gets better soon. Oh, and tell Lizzie I miss her is she comes back from school anytime soon._

_Love,_

_Lily_

"What are you doing?" A voice suddenly asked. I nervously looked up at Lily, who was smirking at me, hands on her hips.

It's times like these I wish I had a huge pimple on my forehead to distract her.

I hastily folded up the note, "Nothing."

"James…"

"Alright!" I blurted out, "I can't lie to you! I was trying to see my reflection in the parchment."

Lily cocked an eyebrow, "Oh, really?

"What? Us hot peoples need to make sure our hair is perfect twenty-four, seven," I rambled on.

It's not _that_ bad of an excuse.

"That's the worst excuse I've ever heard," Lily said, rolling her eyes and snatching the parchment back.

Maybe it is.

I timidly watched as Lily tied the parchment to a tan owl's leg and shooed it off.

"So, ask away," Lily said, watching the owl fly away in the night sky.

I blinked, "Huh?"

Lily laughed in response and turned to face me, "I know you have a billion questions. Go on ahead and ask."

No, not really.

"Why do you call your mum by her first name? Are you religious, or do you just say 'gods' when you're overwhelmed? Is Jake really perfect? Am I your worst enemy? Do you like him better? Why a purple sweater? How are you sure you're not fat? What happened to your dad? Who's Lizzie? Where does she go to school? And why does love have an 'e' at the end?" I suddenly began.

Lily grinned, "James, slow down!"

I wasn't even going that fast!

"Alright," Lily began, swiping a stray strand of hair out of her face, "My mum and I are like best friends. She loves it when I use her first name. I think it makes her feel younger. She's just like that."

Mums are weird

She cleared her throat, "My mother doesn't think that dating is something which should go on in school. And no, Jake isn't perfect. I thought he was, but believe it or not, he's not. You're a really cool guy, James, and I think you're worth fifty Jakes. And I am your girlfriend, you know.

No, I don't know. Thanks for the reminder.

She continued, "My mum loves purple, hence the sweater. I'm going to pretend you didn't suggest I'm fat, unless you like your eyes blackened. My dad wasn't felling well last time I checked, so I want to know if he's better. Lizzie is my childhood friend. She's a witch, too, but she goes to Beauxbutons. Have I answered all your questions?"

I've got a new question: How the bloody hell did she remember all my questions?

"Well, you missed the one about 'e' and love…" I moaned. Lily rolled her eyes and took me by the arm, smoothly pulling me towards the door. We soon were back in the deep warmth of Hogwarts.

Lily rubbed her hands and shivered, "It's damn cold there. This is why I hate the winter."

I ran a hand through my hair, "I'm a summer guy, yet I don't mind the cold that much."

Maybe just a little…

Lily smiled, "I was born in the late fall."

I turned to her in surprise, "You're eighteen already?"

"Seventeen," Lily explained, "I started school a year early."

How is that fair? I'm the smarter one!

…Kinda

"Why?" I asked curiously.

Lily shrugged, "I needed a lot of help controlling my magic. I had a nasty temper at the time, and my sister was going through a phase in which she was very fond of teasing me."

She _had_ a nasty temper?

"Plus my grades were already great, so they agreed to let me start early," Lily explained.

I blinked and put an arm around her, "I'm glad you did."

"You are a helpless romantic," Lily teased, leaning against me.

Me? Helpless? Has the end of the world come already?

Before I could come up with some witty, smooth response, Lily hushed me.

"I heard they're going out," A female voice whispered from nearby.

"I can't believe it! She used to hate him," another voice, now a male one, mused.

There was a chuckle, "Yeah, well, he is James Potter."

"So?" The man replied.

So? So the whole school loves me, idiot!

"So," the other girl began slowly, "He can get half the female population of the world in his bed without the tiniest attempt."

I froze and slowly turned to Lily, who had crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes.

The male laughed, "Wait, you think he somehow lured her into sleeping with her?"

Not. Good.

"Duh," The girl replied.

"Ugh," Lily exclaimed, causing me to jump, "The people in this school are so sad!" She began walking briskly in another direction.

I blinked. What now?

"Wait up, Lils," I yell-whispered, jogging to catch up.

Lily shook her head, "Just the thought of it… It's repulsive."

Oh, come on, I'm not that bad!

"Hey! What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

Lily sighed and turned to face me, "A girl and boy can't just be plain boyfriend and girlfriend anymore."

I gawked. Is there a law I don't know about?

"Look, Lily, just ignore them. Who cares what they think?" I said reassuringly, hoping it was a good enough excuse to put her arm around her again.

Lily simply sighed and laid her head against my shoulder. Triumphantly, I pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I'll never ask you to do something like that if you don't want to," I said soothingly, carefully controlling myself from happy-dancing.

Lily sighed happily, "Good. Because I won't be ready until after I get married."

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

We walked in that position until we arrived to the Great Hall.

I opened the door and immediately all eyes were on us.

Lily went red, "Oh, why are they staring?" She whimpered.

I shrugged, "Maybe someone glued their eyes to their eyelids. I tried that once and-"

"James, shut up," She muttered, "Let's go and quietly sit…"

Nah. I have better ideas.

Immediately, I twirled her around so she faced me and pulled her into a back-dipping, passionate yet soft, clichéd kiss.

There was a loud uproar and I felt Lily go even warmer in embarrassment. Unable to control myself, I smirked as I heard the other Marauders scream and the loud sobbing of some of the 'extra possessive' girls who had liked me.

The King has returned.

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**A/N: Ah, James has finally redeemed himself. Anywhoo, tell me how I did on keeping this chapters rating. Next update can be expected on Monday. Until then, brownies for reviewers!**


	17. Slapping, Cats, and Bandaging

**Author's Note: I am posting this while talking to my friend (She says, "put's on armor and picks up Gryffindor's sword time... to... FIGHT! "), so yes, this is just as weird as the other chapters.  
**

**Loved the reviews! Keep them coming. You guys make me feel so warm and fuzzy.**

Oh, and Kristen, I'll miss you. x3 Just thought I should say that.  
Yes, and I promise a better 'T' chapter soon. (Thanks PotterSnitch7!)  
And yes, thank you to SweetSouthernGal** for pointing out my mistakes. Often, I miss mistakes and it makes me happy that you guys correct them for me.  
Oh, SweetSouthernGal**,** it is JAKE. I wrote Jason because I was reading How To Be Popular by MegCabot _while_ typing, so I was kind of... distracted. Heh. I read your Hannah Montana story with Jake and Miley stuck in the elevator. The ending was tres cute. )  
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**Disclaimer: To the left, to the left, everything I own in the box to the left, in the closet, that doesn't exist...  
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**Chapter Seventeen: Slapping, Cats, and Bandaging  
(This chapter is K+)**

"Quidditch!" Sirius yelled, slapping my face hard.

I glared at him. Ouch.

"Quidditch! Quidditch! Quidditch!" Sirius began chanting repeatedly, slapping me each time he chanted it.

"What _are _you doing to the poor boy, Sirius?" Remus asked, shaking his head as he approached us.

Peter, who had been watching us, peeked over at Remus, "It's a new technique which supposedly builds your stamina," he explained.

Remus shook his head as Sirius went back to him painful antics.

I finally backed away as my cheek began to go numb, "Is this necessary? It's a bit embarrassing, standing in the middle of the stands and all."

"Of course!" Sirius exclaimed, looking violated, "You do want to win this Quidditch match, right?"

_No_… I wanted to _lose_… Idiot…

So, Sirius continued his slapping and chanting, much to my poor face's horror.

And then…

"James!" I heard Lily call.

Must not swoon.

I slowly turned to Lily, successfully controlling myself from swooning.

Then I swooned.

"My best mate did not just swoon," Sirius muttered under his breath frantically, "Bloody hell, I hang out with total _cats_."

Excuse me? Who is he calling a cat?

"Well, if we're cats, you're one, too," Peter began rebelliously, "You – You – _Black cat!_"

We stared.

Sirius is right. We are total cats.

"James!" Lily repeated.

I turned back to my beautiful girlfriend and swooned again, much to Sirius's disgust.

Okay, I can't help it. She's wearing nothing but a mid-thigh length coat. And it's not even her bloody deerskin one!

My eyes slowly drifted down to her bare legs.

Lily went red, "Oh, stop gawking, for Merlin's sake!" She leaned forward and squinted, "James, your cheeks are bright pink! What have you boys been doing?"

So long… and prettyful… Must shut off salivary glands so I don't drool…

"Oh, you know, just meowing around," Remus chuckled.

I looked up, and again we stared.

"Never mind," Remus sighed, shaking his head.

Lily gave us weird looks, "Umm… Alright. I have to show you something."

She slowly began unbuttoning her coat.

Please have nothing under it…

It did have something under it, though. Something under it which made me squeal very loudly.

"Did you hear that?" Sirius yelled in disgust, "He squealed! Why didn't I save my therapist's phone number?" Remus sighed and pulled Sirius and Peter away towards the other side of the stands.

Lily twirled around, showing off a maroon and gold jersey and a short, white miniskirt. The jersey even had Potter written on the back.

"I love you!" I exclaimed, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.

I love moments like this…

"Potter!" A loud voice yelled, which sounded much like Benjy, "Would you quit groping your girlfriend and get over here?"

I let go of her and turned to glare at the git. Benjy was glaring at us, already wearing his Quidditch robes like me. He turned around, shook his head, and walked back into the locker room.

"Someday, that kid's gonna be a peanut butter sandwich after Slughorn's stepped on it," Lily growled, narrowing her eyes, "A total mess."

I backed away. Slowly.

She rolled her eyes, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek for good luck, and ran over to get a seat along with the other Marauders.

I shook my head and slowly walked into the locker room. I frowned as I spotted the whole team gazing in the broom closet.

This is not the way I was hoping they would prepare for the game.

"Oy, what's going on in here?" I barked, pushing through the crowd to see an empty broom closet.

"Our brooms are gone," Tyler said, looking nervous.

I blinked, "What the hell? Who was in here?"

"We don't know," Amber replied, raising an eyebrow.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, "Let's go tell Hooch. The game's about to start."

The team nodded and followed me out on to the pitch, all very annoyed.

"This is just great," I heard Larissa moan from behind me.

I fought hard not to turn around and glare at her.

How could we have lost our brooms right before a game? Only I, James Potter, can get myself into humiliating situations like these. It's a curse, it's a horrible, ter... Does Lily look hot in that sweater or what?

I gazed up at my girlfriend, vaguely feeling drool run down my chin. She was wearing my huge, red Gryffindor sweater now. Wow…

"James, stop drooling and look at your idiot of a best friend!" I heard my cousin, Chris scream.

My head snapped, cheeks red, and looked at Sirius. I blinked hard.

He was wearing a coat which resembled Hagrid's. Maybe that was why Hagrid was chasing after him…

I squinted and watched as he ran around the pitch. And then I noticed he was holding up our brooms.

"SIRIUS BLACK! GET OVER HERE!" I roared.

Of course, he ignored me and continued running, much to every girl in the stands' delight.

"Black, you stop that right now!" I heard McGonagall scream as she ran on the pitch. The woman was shaking in fury.

…Not a good position to be in.

After another ten minutes, she finally was able to catch him by the ear and began pulling him off the field.

"Why, Minnie? I know the baby you're carrying is mine!" Sirius sobbed.

…Holy Hippogriffs.

I turned to the team, "I swear I don't know him."

They gawked.

After another chaotic ten minutes, the field was finally cleared off besides the players and we had all collected our brooms.

"Now, sorry about the delay, everyone, but the game can now begin," I heard Hooch call out to us, "Captains, shake hands."

I slowly approached the captain and then frowned.

Robbins. The captain was Jake Robbins. Interesting…

I grabbed his hand and quickly let go, hoping to express my disgust towards him. Much to my _surprise_, Robbins simply rolled his eyes and gave me a dirty look.

Such sportsmanship we have!

We mounted our brooms and got ready to play.

"Alright, on my whistle. 1…2…3…" Hooch blew her whistle hard and we all took off.

Immediately, I grabbed the quaffle and made a goal from afar. 'Cause I rock like that.

"And the game begins," I heard Lionel call out, "And Potter scores! Ten points to Gryffindor! Wow that was fast."

"You bet it was, Lionel Smith," I whispered, turning to Remus, Peter, and Lily in the stands and shooting them a huge grin.

"The quaffle is in Ravenclaw's possession, and Ferguson is whizzing it over to the goal post! She shoots… And Vance of Gryffindor catches it! Gryffindor's off to a great start!" Lionel continued.

The game continued on the same note, together Gryffindor scoring thirty more points and only failing to block one goal.

Ten minutes later, I was twirling around in one spot in happiness.

"Move over, Potter," I heard Robbins spit tauntingly from behind me.

I whirled around to see Lily's_ ex_-boyfriend and Ravenclaw's seeker glaring at me.

"Well, if it isn't my future maid of honor?" I asked bitterly.

…What the hell?

"What did you say?" He asked in disbelief.

"Erm… You resemble a pork chop sandwich?" I said sheepishly.

He blinked, "You've got problems, Potter."

I know. I can't really help it.

"Shut up," I muttered lazily, running a hand through my hair.

Robbins smirked, "Losing your touch, Potter? How does it feel to be the second coolest guy in the school, after me?"

Who was he kidding? Lionel Smith is probably more popular than him, and the freak collects used tissues.

"I don't feel anything, because I am and always will be cooler than you," I retaliated.

Hmm… Now that I'm in the mood to put him down…

"You know, Robbins, you really shouldn't be talking, as we're beating you right now by forty points," I continued, smirking as I heard Lionel Smith call out 'Another goal for Gryffindor!' from the background, "How does it feel to be beat by me in everything?"

"What are you going out about?" Jake growled.

He could at least _try_ to be smart.

"You know, the fact that I was able to snatch Lily from you," I said lazily, balancing well on my broom.

Robbins narrowed his eyes, "You… You son of a –" As a pretty Ravenclaw beater whizzed by, he snatched her bat, pulled it back, and whammed it into my face.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

Is it normal to not be able to feel your face?

I groaned loudly, stiffly lifting up my head from the hard pillow it was laying on and cracked open an eye.

"Prongs?" Remus asked quietly, looking at me carefully.

I nodded. And then twitched.

You know the end of the world is near when it's painful to nod.

"What happened?" I croaked, lifting up a heavily bandaged hand to massage the back of my neck.

"You fell," Peter said from the other side of me. Too bad I was in too much pain to actually turn my head.

"Yeah!" I heard Sirius spit as he jogged into my view, "The tosser smacked you with a bat and you fell."

I _know_ that.

"Did we win?" I asked quietly.

They all exchanged looks.

"Sorry," Peter said apologetically.

I slapped my forehead, "HOW DID WE LOSE?"

"I dunno. The game continued, it had to, and the Gryffindor team sort of gave up…" Sirius replied.

I groaned and lay back in bed. How does this stuff happen to me?

"Well, look at all the cards you got," Sirius said in very fake enthusiasm.

I forced my head in the other direction and blinked as I spotted a chest-deep pile of 'get well soon' cards.

Well, now I don't have to worry about running out of _reading material_.

"Shut up, Padfoot. At least I wasn't enough of an idiot to practically beg for detention from McGonagall," I snapped.

He smirked, "Not practically, Young James, I _was_ begging for detention. Can't get away with having next Monday night free."

"Monday's a full moon," Remus reminded him.

The smirk washed off his face, "Damn it."

This sucks," I moaned.

"Totally," the other three replied in unison.

I sighed and ran my bandaged hand through my hair, only to get my hand stuck.

"Where's Pomfrey?" I asked, yanking at my hand, "I need to ask her when I can get these damn bandages off."

Peter laughed shrilly and Remus smiled sheepishly.

I turned to Sirius.

"Locked her in the closet," he replied as if it were a daily event, "She wouldn't let us stay."

I smacked my head again. And then starting sobbing dryly in pain.

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**A/N: OMG! I just realized a mistake I had made in like the last five chapters. Anyway, besides that... Review! Next chapter on Remmy-Boo's birthday!  
**


	18. Veelas, Pickles, and Detention

**Author's Note: Yay! FanFiction alerts are working! Heh, sorry.**

**You know how James is always so obsessed about being clean? Well, in this he goes a bit overboard. Please note that James is obsessed with cleanliness because he is obsessed with looking good. And in his mind, messy hair is attractive, dirt is not. Just thought I'd say. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, dedicated to our favorite werewolf friend!  
**

**Thanks for reviewing, everyone!**

**Disclaimer: I'm afraid it's Remus's birhday, not mine. So I get nothing. (  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: Veelas, Pickles, and Detention  
(This chapter is K)**

"Morning, my fellow Marauders," I greeted as I took my seat at the table for another dull morning, "Boring day, isn't it?"

"You bet," They replied altogether.

I looked up at them. Remus was drinking some decaf coffee, Peter was trying to balance a spoon on his forehead, and Sirius was getting high on porridge.

It doesn't get any duller than that.

"Hey, you," Lily greeted sweetly as she made her way over to us, squeezed between Sirius and I. She pecked my nose quickly and helped herself to some pancakes, "Hello, boys."

"Hello," We replied altogether.

We should start a bloody chorus.

"Ugh," Peter asked me, holding his spoon to look at me, "I've got History of Magic after lunch."

"Another exam?" I asked, holding back some laughter.

Peter grunted in response, "I failed the last one."

Big surprise there.

I smirked, "Well, I have Transfiguration fist thing today. Turning parakeets into washcloths isn't exactly a veela dance."

"With the veelas naked," Sirius added on, looking at the wall in a daze.

Before I could join him in his drooling/idiot act, Lily cleared her throat, "I'm right here, you know!"

Remus and Peter snorted, while Sirius continued drooling.

"But I love you way more," I said quickly, wrapping an arm around her.

I make good saves.

Lily looked unsatisfied, "Yes, well, talking about Transfiguration, did you finish your homework?"

Suddenly, Remus's 'Hug a Tree' mug looked quite interesting.

"James! You dolt! You had two weeks to write that essay!" Lily snapped, smacking me hard.

I blinked. Hug a tree. How boring. How about something like 'Hug a tree, save me'? Has a nicer ring…

"Potter, are you even listening?" She asked in annoyance.

No, no, how about 'Hug a tree; don't get stung by a bee'? That's the ticket.

"Oh, for god's sake, just copy mine!" Lily snapped, pulling hers out of her knapsack and tossing it at me, "I do not want to be the girlfriend of a failure."

I grinned, gave her my sexiest smile, and immediately got to work in copying.

"Done!" I announced after a good two minutes. Lily rolled her eyes and put it away, still clearly unhappy.

"NO!" I heard someone scream from across the room.

Merlin, copying can't be _that_ bad.

I turned to see a Hufflepuff girl who I had never seen in my life – No wait, I snogged that one three years ago, yes – Jump up and race out of the room in tears.

"What the hell?" Sirius asked, irritated, "Is it Turnip Diet Day already?"

"Her parents were murdered my Vol - Sorry, guys – You-Know-Who," Remus, who was now staring down at a copy of the Daily Prophet which had appeared out of nowhere, said.

Figures. Someday, I'm going to make a kill/destroy Voldemort cult…

"Yup," Lily agreed. I turned and faced her. Sure enough, she also had a copy of the same newspaper.

Hey! I want one!

Lily cleared her throat, "The article reads, 'Yet another innocent family was attacked by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his followers, today morning, the tenth of March, 1978. The details are –"

"That can't be right," I said suddenly.

Lily squinted at the article, "I haven't even said the details yet."

"Not that, Evans," Sirius said, shaking his head, "The date."

"March tenth. That's the date," Lily said, giving us a weird look.

Peter shook his head, "But that would mean today is…"

We turned to Remus. He didn't look up, until I did a quick nonverbal spell causing the coffee to jump in his face.

"Yes," Remus spat, wiping off his face, "Fine, today is my birthday. Happy?"

Lily squealed and sat up straight, "It's your birthday? Why didn't you say?"

I grinned devilishly and Sirius, Peter, and I climbed on the table.

"Because…" Remus began.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR REMUS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! (Cha-cha-cha!)" We blared, with rather cheesy dance moves to go along.

There was an instant uproar of girls cheering, first years whispering, and boys whooping.

"Because of that," Remus said, stark red.

"Get down from there this instant," Lily snapped quietly, extremely pink.

I sighed deeply. "Okay, that's enough for today, boys," I instructed the other Marauders. They groaned in disappointment, but we all bowed and climbed back into our seats.

"James! I hate you," Lily moaned, covering her face in embarrassment, "Why did you do that? I came here for breakfast, and I get my boyfriend doing an interpretive dance to 'Happy Birthday'!"

"It's a Marauder thing. Remus laughed when Sirius told us his most embarrassing story, so this was our revenge plan," I explained.

Lily cocked an eyebrow, "What was his most embarrassing moment?"

Peter smiled and began, "Well, we were on our way to Divination, and then Sirius pulled off his pants, revealing his pink, flu-"

Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth, "Who cares about that, though?"

As if on cue, the bell rang, signaling that it was time for our first class.

"Let's go," Remus sighed, people still staring at us.

We strutted to Transfiguration – Well, Sirius and I strutted, while Peter did a weird stork-walk like thing and Lily and Remus walked normally – And entered the room dramatically, posing for the whole class.

They stared, as Remus and Lily shrank into their seats.

"Black, Potter, Pettigrew, I am in _no_ mood for your antics," McGonagall huffed, glaring at us.

Where is that woman's heart?

We grinned sheepishly and sat down.

"Alright, class, today we will be practicing for the upcoming NEWTS," McGonagall said stiffly. She then waved her wand, and a long list of items appeared in her hand, "Your assignment is to turn your quill into each of these items. It's a double period so I expect you to be done."

I grinned at Lily and whispered "Piece of cake."

Lily shot me a glare and everyone whipped out their wands.

I gave my quill a meaningful look, "Alright, Helga, I need to turn you into a jar of dill pickles."

Lily looked up, "Helga?"

"His quill," Sirius explained from next to me, "Mine is Roger."

I cocked my head and looked at Lily's quill. It resembled a Freddy.

"You guys are so weird," Remus commented, shaking his head in disapproval, as he gave his wand a wave and was unsuccessful in changing his quill.

"No, Moony, it's more like this," I waved my wand the right way and it changed into a jar of pickles.

There was a silence as everyone in the class stopped attempting to change their quills to glare at me.

"What? I have talent," I said cockily, shrugging innocently.

Peter sighed, "I'll do it this time…" It changed into a chicken.

I smiled egotistically puffed out my chest, giving my pickles a meaningful look. They looked so adorable. The lush green color, the smelly, annoying taste, the perfect shape –

"Ew!" I squealed, smashing my jar against the desk. Pickle juice spread out everywhere.

Lily gave me a look and did a quick repairing spell, "James, what happened?"

I sniffled, "There was a _thing_ in my pickle jar!"

Lily frowned and looked at the pickle jar, squinting.

She's insane…

"Are you talking about that?" She asked, pointing to the thing. I yelped and hopped backwards, knocking down Lionel Smith's desk on top of him.

"James!" She cried, "It's a speck of dirt! Honestly!"

Ugh… Imagine if I had accidentally eaten it…

"It's gross, Licorice Stick. Repulsive," I moaned, beginning to go green.

Lily shook her head, "James, you are _such_ a neat freak."

I gasped. Oh no she didn't.

"I am not!" I moaned defensively.

Lily shook her head, "You started yelling at Dumbledore when the lemon drop he offered you accidentally got stuck to his beard!"

Oh, come on! Did he really expect me to eat that?

"So I get a bit touchy," I admitted, looking irritated.

Lily laughed, "No, James, you get _really_ touchy. In fact, I bet you can't go all of today without bringing up how sanitary or unsanitary something is."

I paused, "I'm not betting that."

I mean, after all, I don't want her to break up with me after she loses.

"Come on, Prongs," Remus spoke up, "Do it for my birthday."

He makes birthdays look bad.

"Fine," I muttered, glaring at them, "You're on. Five sickles to the winner."

This would be easy.

Lily smiled and went back to work on her quill.

I looked down at the pickle jar and waved my wand so it turned into the next object on the list – a bar of soap.

I whimpered. I still couldn't do bacteria killing soap.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

I'M DYING!!!

SAVE ME!

PLEEEEEEEASE!

"James, are you alright?" Lily asked, looking concerned, "We could call off the bet if it's bothering you so much."

I wheezed in response, "Fine, Lils. I'm fine."

We were sitting in the common room, wrapping presents for Remus the muggle way. It was the perfect most romantic date ever.

Kinda.

"Alright," Lily said, shaking her head as she snipped at the bubblegum pink wrapping paper she was using to wrap the sweater vest she had bought for him.

I wheezed again as I got a better glimpse at the sweater vest.

Two words: Lint factory.

"Lily!" I cried, unable to control myself as she began wrapping the vest. She gave me a curious look.

Awkward…

"Lint…" I mumbled, eyes glued to the sweater vest.

Lily leaned forward, "What did you say?"

Darn it…

"Mint! You need a mint," I said quickly, putting on an innocent expression.

Lily's mouth dropped open, "Excuse me?"

"No!" I quickly squealed, realizing what I had said, "I meant_ I_ need a mint."

She leaned in, giving me a slightly irritated look, and placed a kiss on my lips, "You're breath is fine, James. Now let's finish wrapping these so we can go and give them to Remus."

I smiled. At least I got a kiss.

I continued smearing glue – Very neatly, of course – All over the wrapping paper and folding it over the Honeydukes' fifty pound multi-variety chocolate log I had gotten him.

I believe I'm getting too nice…

Hmm… But on the other hand, after Remus devours those fifty pounds, we can make fun of his weight non-stop.

"All done," Lily announced as she placed the personalized card she hade made for him on top of her present.

I frowned, "Yours is all… All… All… Mine's just better, okay?"

Lily laughed and scooped up and rolled up her sleeves, "We've got a big load to carry."

Oh Merlin.

The woman's _tearing me apart._

"Your sleeves," I mumbled wide eyed, pointing at them.

Lily frowned, "What about them?"

_The right sleeve was rolled up higher than the left sleeve._

How does the woman live with herself?

"James, you are the most bizarre thing ever. Come on," she said, shaking her head.

Eventually, she just grabbed me by the sleeve, took our presents – Carrying the fifty pound chocolate log as if it were a bloody feather – and dragged me to the Great Hall.

When we arrived, I spotted Sirius eating a huge cake alongside Peter.

"Oy!" I yelled in annoyance as we reached them, "You didn't invite us to cut the cake with you!"

Remus glared, "They didn't invite me, either."

Peter shrugged sheepishly.

"Any excuse to eat," Sirius replied with no shame whatsoever.

I sighed. People these days.

Lily forced a smile and looked at Remus, "Happy birthday, Remus. I hope you like it." She exclaimed cheerily, stuffing the pink box in his hands.

Remus grinned and tore of the wrapping paper – causing me to wince in disturbance – and beamed, "Lily, I need a new sweater vest. My old one was getting… too big, actually." He pulled it on.

Aw, how cute. It matches his iddy-biddy shoeies.

Lily elbowed me – hard, mind you – and I quickly held out my present, "Here, Moony. You're the first one of us to be eighteen, so I think you deserved this."

Remus gratefully accepted, but ended up falling over from the weight.

Hey, he'll be able to carry fifty pounds _after_ he eats the chocolate.

"Having a tea party, Potter?" I heard a voice behind me ask, "Why don't you move over so we can go somewhere more… Clean?"

I turned around and spotted Snape.

Snivellus… We meet again…

"Yeah, the mudbloods are really spoiling the atmosphere," Bertram Aubrey, another idiot Slytherin spoke up from next to him.

"Take that back!" I snapped viciously, pulling out my wand by instinct.

"Put that away," Lily hissed in my ear.

Of course, I ignored her.

"What, Potter, afraid to see your girlfriend for the dirt she really is?" Snape asked, clearly enjoying himself.

I gritted my teeth, "The only thing I'm afraid of here is your repulsive face, _Snivellus_, so back off."

"James!" Lily whispered, "You're head boy. You can't pick fights."

I'm not picking a fight. I'm poking at a fight.

Aubrey stepped up, "Your girlfriend is a filthy scumbag, Potter. Face the facts."

Now he's crossed the border. That bloody border which is not meant to be passed. Bad things happen if you cross the border. Especially to morons like… Have we been over this before?

"MY GIRLFRIEND IS NOT DIRTY! SHE IS CLEAN, AS AM I, MIND YOU!" I barked, instantly performing a hex in anger.

And then his head started blowing up… Haha, he's a loser…

"James!" Lily squeaked, "What have you done?"

"Potter!" I heard McGonagall bark as she stomped into the room.

I am officially cursed with horrible timing.

"Aubrey! Oh dear, your head… Snape, please get him to the hospital wing…" She said, gazing at Aubrey, whose head was now about the size of Peter's bum. Basically, twice as big.

And then of course…

She whipped around to face me, "And you, Potter! You're head boy! What were you thinking? I'm disgusted. An illegal hex on an innocent student? Detention. Scratch that, double detention."

I heaved sigh, feeling strangely unaffected.

"Hey, I helped!" Sirius yelled, face covered in cake.

We all gave him weird looks and McGonagall shook her head, "Alright, Black, you can join Potter in double detention."

"Of all the days, you picked my birthday to have this bet," Remus muttered, shaking his head.

Is it just me, or wasn't he the one who had said 'Do it for my birthday"?

Traitor.

McGonagall walked out of the room and I sheepishly turned to Lily.

To my surprise, she was smiling, "I think you owe me five sickles." And with that, she smoothly made her way out the doors.

At least she's clean…

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**A/N: Happy birthday, Remus! Anyway, review, guys. Hope you liked the chapter. Next one is probably on Thursday.  
**


	19. Sweat, Hoses, and Cheats

**Author's Note: Okay. Slightly weird chapter. I felt like writing more Quidditch/funniness, so this is what the outcome was.  
**

**Isolde Eris**,** MarisAlexia, ****xXx r a i z a xXx, RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl,****Quidditchstar2291**, **Aliki**, **marauders rox**, **siriusly klutzy**, **Kendra-the hyper one**, **PotterSnitch7**, **Tyem Marodyor**, **xSimplyxMagicalx**, **SweetSouthernGal**– Thank you! I really am not too funny… I just can be pretty random, I guess. Thanks for reviewing!**  
Moony8193**- Haha! That's just like what I would do. It's good that you're back. Thanks for reviewing!  
**gryffincr**i - Sort of… I'm actually just crazy and random, so naturally everything I write is, too! And for the chewing thingie, I do the same exact thing, haha! At least I'm not alone!  
**skittles324**- Thanks. I agree about the Marauders. I actually have no idea where I got their personalities in this story… Or how they got so crazy!  
**headoverheels4HP**- That's great! I read your most recent update and it was pretty good. Thanks for the review.

**Disclaimer: I own this and Peter owns a brain.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: Sweat, Hoses, and Cheats  
(This chapter is K)**

I pouted, "This isn't fair."

Remus shook his head, "James, it's your fault. You shouldn't have hexed him."

I stared at him incredulously, "Did you _hear_ what he called _my_ Lily?"

"Still no excuse," Remus replied as we made our way back to the common room after visiting Sirius and Peter in the hospital wing.

It was the day after Remus's birthday. And it should come to no surprise to you that Sirius and Remus killed themselves after they finally finished the cake. Well, they're just out cold, but still. Pomfrey claims that they had apparently used Peter's sweat for shortening.

I, of course, passed out, because at the time I had been nibbling at crumbs of the cake.

"But I didn't know she'd schedule it during practice," I moaned, as if it were actually a reasonable excuse.

Remus shook his head as we arrived to the fat lady portrait, said the password – moke tail – and waddled inside. I immediately threw myself at the couch, crushing what probably was an expensive glass pewter. Whoops.

As a third year hastily pushed me up, repaired the pewter, and pushed me back down, I heaved a sigh.

"We have a game against Slytherin. And you know how I feel about Slytherin," I complained loudly.

Remus rolled his eyes, "James, you only hate all Slytherins because you're prejudiced."

Oh, and they aren't?

I began mumbling under my breath in what I knew of Chinese as I spotted Lily approach me with Arielle.

"James, what are you saying?" Lily asked, giving me a weird look. I frowned and pulled her next to me. Arielle sat down next to Remus.

Apparently they're friends again. Girls. One day they're using each other as scratching posts, the next they're practically making out without actually touching.

Either way, it's still bloody hot.

"I'm mumbling inaudibly in Chinese," I explained.

Arielle gave me a weird look, "No offense or anything, but if you were whispering inaudibly, we wouldn't be able to hear you. And if you were actually speaking Chinese, I would understand you, because my step mother is Chinese and she's been teaching me it for years."

So what if I don't speak Chinese?

I huffed, "_Well._"

"James, are you alright?" Lily asked, resting her head on my shoulder.

I sniffed and looked away, wondering how to get my arm around her waist without her noticing.

Remus, being the blabbermouth he is, instantly gave me away, "He's upset because McGonagall gave him that detention for blowing up Bertram Aubrey's head at the same time as tomorrow's Quidditch practice, which is the last practice before the big game against Slytherin coming soon."

The girls giggled, as if I had just told my wonderful 'Vampire, Ogre, and Werewolf in a bar' joke.

I huffed again, crossing my arms.

Lily snorted and wrapped her arms around me, "Oh, come on. We're not laughing at you."

Yes, and I'm not the hottest guy alive. Which I am, by the way.

"Yeah, well, it sure seems like it," I snapped irritably, "I defended you then, Lils, and got detention during practice for you. The least you could do is treat me nicely back."

I think that's guilt-triggering enough.

Lily instantly climbed into my lap – The girl's half the size of me – and looked me in the eye, "James, I love you. And I'm eternally grateful that I have a boyfriend who cares for me as much you. Don't forget it."

I grinned. Good thing I'm so good at acting angry. I placed a kiss on her lips and pulled her closer.

"Oy!" Arielle snapped, "Stop!"

Lily sighed and sat back down next to me, while I bit my tongue to resist sticking it out at Arielle.

"Look, James, is there anything I can do to help you?" Lily asked sweetly, placing a hand on my arm.

I dunno. Unless she happens to know how to poison McGonagall.

"Wait, I have an idea," Remus suddenly piped up.

We all turned to him.

"How about," he continued, "Lily takes your spot during practice? She's excellent at ordering people around, and she can supervise the team so they can still practice."

Lily frowned, "Excuse me? I do not order people around, okay? So just shut up, Lupin. And why'll your at that, get me some water."

Remus glared and trampled away, not wanting to disobey Lily. She rocks.

"It's a pretty good idea, Licorice Stick, you know. Maybe we should try," I offered hopefully, desperate for any idea.

Lily was not impressed, "I dunno… I'm not very good with brooms…"

I pouted, "Please? All you've got to do is replace me as one of the chasers and play a bit of scrimmage."

Lily sighed, "Fine."

"Great," I exclaimed, "Now can we continue our snogging session?"

Lily beamed as Arielle slapped her forehead.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"D-E-T-N-T-O-N, cleaning toilets with Filch and Minnie! D-E-T-N-T-O-N, take care… TCB!" Sirius sang loudly in a rather shrill voice to some muggle song as we made our way to the Great Hall for detention.

I winced, "Padfoot, detention is spelled D-E-T-E-N-T-I-O-N, not D-E-T-N-T-O-N."

Sirius snapped his fingers, "Damn it! Now I have to make a new song."

Oh, what have I done?

I simply shook my head, trying to pull a Remus, and opened the huge doors of the Great Hall. Of course, looking as hot as ever – Wow, it feels weird even thinking that – Stood McGonagall, lips pursed.

"We're here," Sirius called, as if she was blind.

This didn't please McGonagall.

"I can see that, Black," she snapped impatiently, pulling out a few rags from her handbag, "Now, you two have had so many detentions. It is extremely unacceptable. Especially from you, Potter. In fact the two of you together have had so many detentions, I can't even keep track. It's extr-"

"Two hundred seventy-four," I interjected, "Together, we've had approximately five hundred eighty."

McGonagall frowned.

Hey, the lady's got to get her facts straight.

"Anyway," McGonagall continued, completely ignoring my comment, "You have been assigned the tedious task of wiping each window in this room the muggle way. Hopefully, this will teach you a lesson."

And with that, she scuttled out of the room.

She didn't mean the windows by the Slytherin table, did she? Nah, not even she's _that_ evil.

"So, let's get to work," Sirius exclaimed, grabbing a rag.

I pouted, "This is going to be so hard."

Sirius snorted, "How hard, Prongs? We don't even know the muggle way to clean, so we can't do it!"

He has a point.

So, we began squirting water at the windows with our wands. Man, this is _hard_. McGonagall's really _great_ at thinking up detentions.

I heaved a sigh in boredom and squinted, looking for a good view. Instantly, I dropped my wand.

I had a perfect view of the Quidditch pitch!

"James, you're getting you pants all wet," Sirius said pointedly from behind me.

I ignored him, focusing on the cherry-red haired girl/blob thing. Clearly, that was Lily. And there was the team in front of her. They didn't look very happy…

"I would be pretty embarrassed to have my pants all wet," I heard Sirius say.

I gritted my teeth, "Sirius, shut up and look out the window."

Sirius obliged and waddled over next to me, "Is that the team?"

No, it's my _grandma_.

"Yes," I replied, leaning forward, "Look, there's Lily. Everyone's getting on their brooms."

"I'm not blind," Sirius complained.

Oh, really?

I watched Lily intently as she slowly, after several attempts, made it up in the air and began hovering on the spot.

Suddenly, this didn't seem like a good idea….

As if someone had electrocuted her, she instantly whipped forward. There was a piercing scream.

Well, it was piercing here. I wonder how loud it was out there…

"Holy acid pops," Sirius muttered, "Look, she's about to grab something."

Eyes glued to the window, I intently watched as Lily reached out and grabbed something.

Then, it hit me.

"She's got the snitch!" I exclaimed, "That girl's a born seeker!"

I began happy dancing, but ended up falling face flat after slipping on the puddle.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Prongs, but something's going on. She's headed towards the goal posts…" He interrupted himself and snorted.

My bubble was burst when I fell. Humph.

"What happened?" I asked intently, swiping my wet bangs off my face.

By now, Sirius was roaring with laughter, "Your _brilliantly smart and logical _girlfriend just tried to shoot the snitch into one of the hoops."

I gasped, horrified, "The poor girl!"

"The poor snitch, mate," Sirius laughed, "Evans has got issues!"

I scowled, "She's okay, right?"

Sirius frowned again and looked carefully, "Yeah, your little cousin, Chris is going to talk to her. He's flying up to her…" His eyes widened, "Merlin's beard! She just whipped forward again and rammed into him!"

"OHMYGOD!" I screamed, hopping up, "Lemme see!"

Sirius sighed, "There's no use. They've both already slammed into the ground."

They have got to add 'Eeek!' to the dictionary, 'cause slang ain't my thing, and that's the only thing I can think right now.

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

I gazed at Lily's small body guiltily.

I had never felt so horrible in my life. There was a thick bandage wrapped around her head, which would remain until Pomfrey was done preparing her healing potion. Lily was already tiny, and now that she was unconscious and badly injured, she looked like a first year. Full of emotion, I swept a bit of her long, shiny, wavy, red hair off her face. Her usually gleaming white skin looked gray and dead

Wait, no it doesn't. God, I have to get my glasses checked right.

I looked over at the bed next to Lily's, which contained Chris. He had a black eye and was currently sleeping. His straight brown hair looked extra puffy. The kid's so scrawny, it's almost impossible to see that we're related. The only thing we share are noses, which no one can really tell unless they're a loser like Aunt Isa, Chris's mother. I was glad he wasn't too badly injured.

"James?" I heard a small voice ask me quietly. My head snapped back towards Lily, who was gazing at me innocently through her beautiful green eyes.

"Licorice Stick," I whispered in relief, leaning down to place a kiss on the undressed area of her forehead.

She gave me a look, "What happened?"

You practically killed yourself?

"Nothing important," I replied, "All that matters is that you're okay."

Lily took my hand, "Thanks, James."

I smiled, "No, thank you. Thanks for helping me. Lily, I feel so selfish. You deserve so much better than a boyfriend like me."

Lily laughed, "What are you talking about? I love you, and you're very special to me." She carefully got up and held on to me, "James, you know, it's so weird."

God, this isn't a good time to talk about the hair…

"What's weird?" I asked carefully.

"Everything," she replied, "Look at us. We used to loathe each other for six years, and now you're the first boyfriend who I've ever cared for so much."

I laughed, "It's funny the way life works."

"Very," Lily agreed, leaning into kiss me. She pulled away and beamed, causing my heart to melt, "Did you finish detention?"

I nodded vigorously, "Yup. We cheated, though."

"James Charlus Potter cheated? What has the world come to?" Lily asked sarcastically, fighting back a giggle.

I stuck out my tongue, "There _is_ no world with a _cheating_ James Potter."

Suddenly, Madam Pomfrey burst into the room, as if we were in a play of some sort.

"Potter!" She barked, "This girl needs her rest! Get out!"

Why can't I stick my tongue out at _her_?

I gave Lily a final look, "Sorry, Licorice Stick. Oh, and before we go, can I request you a favor?"

"Yes?" Lily asked tensely.

"Never, ever, play chaser again."

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**A/N: That was fun! I'm not really sure when the next update will be, as I'm having a lot of trouble with the next chapter and we have exams next week. So, yes, I promise it will be in less than 14 days. On that note, enjoy! We're almost two-thirds done with this story. Review, please!  
**


	20. Snogdates, Waving, and Sorrow

**Author's Note: I finised this chapter JUST now. Yeah, I was feeling pretty angsty. So this is, too. Don't hate me.  
**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! So many excellent reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own it! I own it! A girl can dream, can't she?  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty: Snog-dates, Waving, and Sorrow  
(This chapter is K+)**

"I don't get how I can be so crazy about one girl," I muttered to the other Marauders in the common room. "I feel like I love her more than any man has loved a woman before."

Lily and her other friends were gathered around an armchair, gossiping anxiously between giggles. I, on the other hand, was surrounded by my three boring friends.

And people wonder how I'm one of the most popular guys in the whole school.

Sirius's face wrinkled up, "Weirdo."

I get that a lot…

"Oh, come on," I moaned, "Don't tell me that you've never felt a hot fiery passion for a certain girl. You know, you get all dizzy and light-headed around her?"

Sirius, Peter, and Remus exchanged looks and answered together, "No."

I sighed. They're hopeless.

"But I do know how to get a great snogging-date," Sirius said proudly. To prove his point, he turned to passing by Dorcas Meadows, "You like raisins?"

Dorcas froze, looking as if someone had asked her to strip dance, "Erm… Yes."

Sirius grinned casually, "Awesome. Then you must love dates?"

Dorcas giggled, realizing where this was heading, "Oh, of course!"

"Then we can have some at The Three Broomsticks next Hogsmeade, okay?" Sirius replied, winking.

Dorcas giggled, nodded, and scampered away.

The idiot girl.

"Sirius!" Remus scolded, "I have no idea why you guys love to date around so much. I'd much rather get close with a sweet, nice girl who also is a werewolf like me than a random stranger or red-haired maniac."

"Oy!" I scolded, "Don't call Lily a maniac!"

"Alright, she can be nice, but her temper is revolting," Remus sighed, still looking bored, "Besides, I believe in-"

"Omiai. We know. You'd rather go up to a random stranger and discuss the possibility of marriage before actually getting to know them," I sniffed.

"You can get to know them after marriage," Remus pointed out. I glared.

"At least some single girls would show up to consider going out with Remus. No girl likes me," Peter said sadly.

He's got that right.

"Come on, Wormtail, we all have problems," Remus said supportively, "Just look at Padfoot – He _begs _for detention."

Sirius sniffed, "_Well_." I'm pretty sure he mumbled something about his good looks.

Actually, I'm pretty positive.

"Prongs is perfect, though. He's got good looks, he's one of the smartest guys in the school, he got the girl he's wanted forever, and he's really good at Quidditch," Peter moaned.

I smirked cockily, "Can't say I disagree with that."

Hey, I don't just turn down _compliments._

"Oh, come on," Remus sighed, shaking his head, "Prongs has got his arguing mind problem."

I scowled. My mind does not argue with itself!

… Okay, maybe it does.

"And I have my… Er… Furry little problem as James would say," Sirius continued.

Peter suddenly blinked, "Hey isn't today a full moon?"

We all turned to Remus.

"It is," Remus confirmed half-heatedly, sighing, "But I'd rather you not co-"

"Oh, shut up," Sirius directed absently, "We're coming, okay? You don't have to give us that every time."

Isn't he just a sweetie?

Remus sighed, shaking his head, "Fine."

**» ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♥ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «**

"My feet hurt," Peter moaned as we made our way to the Whomping Willow.

Sirius turned to him sympathetically, "Aww… Does your face hurt, too?"

Peter shot him a perplexed look, "No, not really."

Sirius snorted, "Really? 'Cause it's killing me!" Immediately, he burst out laughing at his own comment, causing Peter and I to groan.

"Don't worry, Wormtail, we're almost there," I said quietly, holding up my lantern so I had a better view of the dark outdoors, "Moony has probably already transformed by now… We should hurry."

We trudged down the path, Sirius occasionally chuckling in memories of his lame insult, Peter panting, and me struggling to see in the dark. Finally, we arrived to our destination – the Whomping Willow.

"Alright," I whispered, shedding the invisibility cloak which had been covering us and stuffing it in my pocket, "Peter?"

Peter nodded, still sweating like a pig, and morphed into a rat. He scampered towards the tree, looking for the knot to freeze it. It froze and Sirius and I entered the tunnel in the tree leading to the Shrieking Shack.

"So… Shall we change for Furry McMoonMoon?" Sirius asked, rubbing his hands together in anxiety.

I nodded, feeling leaderish, as I was probably the most mature.

"Wait, I wanna change for first," I instantly wailed, pushing Sirius off to a side as I allowed myself to change into a stag.

Now, you should know, I _love_ being Prongs. Adore it. But there's only one glitch – You can't talk! Well, that, and the fact that it feels extra unsanitary when you pee.

So, I gazed at Sirius, waiting him to change, watching him in my stag-like manner as Peter watched from next to me with his rat-like eyes.

"What? Why are you staring?" Sirius asked curiously.

Oh swell.

We stared for another five seconds, until I lost my patience and smacked him with one of my antlers.

Sirius was _not_ pleased.

"You could have just said so!" He huffed, transfiguring into a huge furry dog as he said so.

_You could have just said so…_ I HATE him. Okay, maybe I don't…

We all trotted/scampered towards the Shrieking Shack, letting ourselves in to reveal a very distraught Moony.

Okay, I'll tell you a secret. Moony is an UGLY werewolf. Has the word 'hygiene' never been used in the lycanthropy world?

Probably not.

We trotted over to him.

I, unable to wave, shook my head in greeting. Actually, once I had tried waving. It wasn't very fun, as I ended up falling over. We spent the whole night trying to push me over.

And then I realized I could just change back…

Moving past that, I nudged Moony playfully.

He nudged me back, hard. Someone was not in a good mood.

I nudged him, and then took off running. In the opposite direction.

Moony howled – Quietly, thank Merlin – and continued chasing me.

I giggled deerishly and kept running. And then I smashed into the wall.

Believe me, it hurts.

And then, to make it all better, Remus landed on me, causing me to scrape my arm against the wall.

Did I say it hurt earlier? Yeah, well that's nothing compared to now.

Padfoot shot me a look which clearly said 'Get out of here, moron. Remus doesn't like you tonight!' In too much pain to be noble, I nodded and took off towards the entrance. The moment I was out of the Whomping Willow, I changed back.

Trying to avoid looking at the horribly ugly gash on my arm, I grabbed my clothes which I had left aside of after this transformation last month. I tried to put on my shirt, but immediately realized how stupid that was as I couldn't put on my shirt with my arm injured. Desperate, I slipped on my boxers and took off running, deciding to leave the invisibility cloak for Sirius and Remus.

Luckily, Filch wasn't in the hallways so it was easy to reach the portrait. Instantly, bursting my bubble, the Fat lady

"James Potter, what are you doing? What are you wearing? And what is that on your arm? Oh dear, I think that _is _your arm -"

"Flitterblooms," I interrupted firmly.

I numbly entered the room. And there, as if she had been waiting, was Lily. And suddenly, I knew she was waiting because there was a bouquet of fire flowers in her hand. It hit me then. Our two month anniversary…

Who celebrates those anyway? Oh, right, the couple who celebrates one week anniversaries.

"Where were you?" She asked quietly.

I gazed at her, quickly pulling my injured arm behind me, "I was… No where."

"You're lying," She replied coolly.

I winced. Ouch.

"I am," I agreed, feeling foolish

"Where were you?" She repeated.

I sighed, "Lils, I can't tell you…"

"Why not?" She demanded.

Because Remus will eat my eyeballs?

I looked down, "I just… Can't."

I could feel Lily's eyes bearing into me. Oh Merlin, why do girls have to be so nosy? I mean, so what if it's twelve o'clock and I randomly show up in the common room with nothing but my underwear?

…Wait a second.

"Licorice Stick…" I began, thinking up the best excuse I could.

"I cannot believe I trusted you," she whispered brokenly.

I cannot believe I am such an _idiot_. Why didn't I wear my cloak?

Lily shook her head, "You're just as bad as I thought, Potter." She sniffed, turned on her heel and raced away.

"No," I said quietly after her, "I love you!"

"Prove it!" She screamed after me, running now.

I just lost Lily Evans. I just lost her… She was mine and I lost her…

It was hours before, "James, is your arm feeling better?" A voice asked behind me. I turned to see Remus and Sirius taking long strides over me.

Unable to talk, I stared.

"Something's wrong with him," Remus said, looking worried, "I _told _you that you shouldn't come!"

"It's not that," Sirius interrupted, glancing at me with extreme concern, "Something's hurt him emotionally."

Gosh, I feel like a bloody bunny rabbit.

"Prongs…?" Remus asked, his voice trailing off.

I gulped and simply said, "Lily. She thinks I cheated on her."

"How?" Remus asked in disbelief.

Sirius's eyes widened, "She saw you come back like this and you didn't tell her where you went, right?"

I nodded mutely, unable to speak.

Sirius gave me a brotherly hug, "Come on, mate. You can tell her…"

"Said who?" Remus asked suddenly.

I turned to him in disbelief, "I can't tell Lily?"

There was a moment of silence. "No," Remus said clearly, "I can't trust her. I'm sorry, James."

And then, he walked passed me up to the dormitory.

I stared blankly at the spot where he had just been standing. "What just happened?"

"Bloody hell, what's gotten his knickers in a twist?" Sirius asked in disbelief. He looked over at me, "I'll go check on him." He thumped me on the back and took off upstairs.

I bit my lip. What now?

Strangely, only one name could enter my mind and stay – _Lily_.

I gulped back some nervousness and approached the girls' stairs, staring blankly ahead. When I arrived, it hit me.

How was I supposed to get up? I wasn't dressed like a girl! In fact, I wasn't dressed in anything.

For Lily…

I began up the staircase. Step after step. It turned out I was too dazed even notice that the staircase wasn't changing. I carefully made my way into the seventh years' dorm. It was dark, signaling that they were sleeping. Though, that wasn't much of a problem, as now I didn't have to be pepper sprayed by naked girls.

I approached Lily's bed and pushed back her hangings, revealing her sleeping form. She was scrunched up in a ball on the comforter, tear stains down her cheeks.

Oh Merlin. She had cried herself to sleep. I am such a horrible person.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," I whispered, gazing at her, "I love you so much. One day I'll prove it to you."

I lay down in her bed and carefully pulled her small body into my arms.

* * *

**A/N: Sweet enough, heh? Anyway, review! Keep in mind, this is L/J, therefore it will remin L/J. x3  
**


	21. Cabbages, Zebras, and Pants

**Author's Note: Wow, it feels like it's been forever since I updated, but it's only been like a week! Weeeird. Anyway, I really hated this chapter. I'm no good at the sentimental-yet-humorous thing. Anyway, tell me what you think!  
**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I honestly love it when you guys review with suggestions, because I really appreciate the help and want to get better at writing, which I currently have no talent at. :D  
**

**Disclaimer: I can get away with stealing gum, but I can't get away with stealing Harry Potter! No dair! -is cornered by police- Umm...  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One: Cabbages, Zebras, and Pants  
(This chapter is K)**

"James?" A voice asked quietly.

I closed my eyes tighter, pulling myself against whatever I was hugging hard.

"James, wake up, please?" The voice repeated.

I'd rather be the fat lady's diet counselor.

I slowly cracked open my eyes involuntarily, to see my arms wrapped tightly around a blue pillow and a very frazzled looking Lily Evans gazing at me, arms hugging her knees.

"Lily," I greeted gloomily, pulling myself into a sitting position, "What's up?"

Lily gave me an incredulous look, "What's up is _you_, in _my _bed, in only your boxers, right after we've had a fight."

I blinked, realizing that she was right, and grabbed the closest article of clothing to Lily's bed – a sweater - and pulled it on.

I sniffed, "So? Is there some law against this?"

Lily nodded violently, "_Yes_, actually. Number one, boyfriend and girlfriend do not sleep with each other when they are fighting. Number two, boyfriend and girlfriend don't sleep with each other half-naked, without doing… Other stuff. It's positively forbidden."

Yeah, so now where will we go, huh? Lover's jail? You know, like she stole my heart?

…Sorry. That was really sad, as I'm apologizing to myself for that crack.

"Aw, Lily," I said, shaking out my hair, "You're being silly. I just felt bad so I wanted to accompany you here."

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against her pillow, tears glistening in her eyes again.

I heaved a sigh. Gosh, girls are such cabbages.

"Lils, come on. What's wrong?" I asked soothingly slowly inching closer to her.

Lily sniffled, "What's wrong is that you cheated on me."

"No, I didn't," I exclaimed, raising my hands in irritation, "I'm not like that, believe it or not. I don't do that, Licorice Stick. I know Sirius may, but he doesn't have a guilty conscience."

And I'm way too much of a wuss.

Too my surprise, instead of crying harder, Lily nodded, "I know."

What?

I frowned, "You know?"

"Of course," Lily cried, wet eyes gazing at me, "I know…"

…She's crazy.

Still confused, I pulled her into my arms, allowing her to rest her head on my chest. Soothingly, I began tracing circles on her back and stroking her hair, "Come on, Lils. Talk to me."

She sniffed. "Part of me knows… Knows that you care. I mean, you did chase me for so long. B- But the other part of me is so confused," She lifted her head to gaze into my eyes, "Why won't you tell me where you were?"

This would be a perfect time to say 'None of your business, beyotch', pull out my wand, and do a quick memory charm.

Too bad that I would probably be slapped in the face before I could do that. And my wand isn't with me.

I looked away, pretending to be very fond of the hangings. Well, they were a pretty nice red color. And the gold tassels… Mmm…

"James, tell me," she begged, voice hoarse.

I turned to her. Tears were slipping down her cheek. I couldn't do this anymore.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I whispered, closing my eyes.

She gave me a pleading look, "Please."

"I really shouldn't be telling you this," I continued, opening my eyes to look at her warily, "But I love you, and I hate the fact that you're in pain."

Lily gave me a watery smile, "It can't be so secretive, can it?"

I laughed mirthlessly, "You'd be surprised."

"Come on," she begged, taking my hand. She looked at me through her thick lashes and gave my hand a tight squeeze.

Oh, for the fathers of Merlin…

"Remus is a werewolf," I said plainly, looking directly at her.

Lily's frowned, "Excuse me?"

Is she deaf?

"Remus," I repeated, "Is a werewolf. A wolf that wears."

"I'm serious," Lily said, shaking her head, "Are you kidding me?"

Bad time for a pun, I'm guessing.

I sighed, "It's true. He was bitten as a child, and every full moon he transforms in the Shrieking Shack. All those excuses about his mother being sick or whatnot are really for full moon nights. He just doesn't want anyone, including you, to know, at the risk of being judged for it."

By now, Lily's eyes were the size of bludgers. How attractive.

"You have got to be _fuc-_" Lily began incredulously.

"Ah, dear, let's mind the language," I hissed, looking pointedly at the little stuffed rabbit at the side of her bed.

Lily smiled sheepishly, going red, "Erm, sorry. But, honestly, James. Werewolves can't go to school!"

"Moony-Boy has permission from Dumbles," I said, examining my fingernails coolly.

Lily shook her head, and then brightened; "Now those ridiculous nicknames make sense. I mean, Moony, honestly. But why are you Prongs? Are you secretly a pitchfork or something?" She paused and then wrinkled up her nose, "Ew, I made out with a pointed utensil thing."

Isn't she the sweetest?

"Oi," I said, giving her a slightly offended look, "I am _not_."

"Then what are you?" She asked lightly, the upset mood totally gone now.

I shrugged. I had gotten this far, why not tell her the rest?

"You see," I began, "When we first worked out that Remus was a werewolf – he hadn't told us before, of course – we confronted us. He admitted what he truly was but we also came to know that it was painful for him to transform. He almost always ended up in a horrible condition. So, over the years, Peter, Sirius, and I secretly taught ourselves to be animagi."

The bludger eyes were back.

"Are you trying to tell me that you're an illegal animagus?" She asked faintly.

I cleared my throat, "Well, when you put it that way…"

"James!" She scolded, looking nervous, amazed, and angry all at the same time, "How could you? You boys have done some pretty dangerous things. But this. This…" She fell back against her bed, "This is just _wow_."

I sat there, staring at her. I mean, how could I reply to that? Sure I could be all insensitive and prattish – no comments there – and say something like, 'Oh, Babe, you know everything about me is wow, so why don't we just prove that in a broom closet… Say right now?', and then get myself killed, but hey, at least the awkward silence would disappear.

Wow, I'm really weird.

"Let me try to figure this out," Lily said while pulling herself into a sitting position, "Hmmm… What do you call Black again?"

We call him Idiotiboy.

"Padfoot," I replied, leaning in to show my interest.

Lily put a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "Padfoot, eh? Erm… Pads on the feet. Paws! So, Sirius is a… Bear!"

I gave her a weird look, trying to imagine Sirius with a big bum, licking honey off his 'pads', "Sorry. You were close, though."

Lily's eyes lit up, "Really?"

No.

"Wait, wait, I got it... Hmm… Is he a raccoon? A fox? A wolf? A cat? A tiger?" She began carefully.

I don't have time for this…

"He's a dog, damnit!" I yelled, glaring at her.

She looked offended, "Sorry. Fine, then, what's Pettigrew?

"A rat," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest, "Although you would think he was a frog."

Lily went red, "I would _not_!"

I scoffed, "Oh, yeah, sorry, you would have thought he was a _zebra_."

Lily pouted, "You're mean."

I grinned and pulled her into a hug, "I try, Love."

She beamed into my chest, looking at me carefully, "So… What are you?"

I puffed out my chest, "I am a stag."

And I stayed in that position, waiting for applause. When nothing happened, I turned to look at her in irritation, "Come on! Any comments?"

Lily blinked, "What's a stag?"

I groaned. Does she have to spoil _all_ my moments?

"Look it up," I instructed teacherishly, leaning back against the headboard of the bed.

She shot me a glare and grabbed a dictionary on her side table, quickly flipping through the pages.

Why _anyone_ would keep a dictionary so close to their bed, I'll never know.

Lily suddenly giggled, clearing her throat loudly, "Found it."

I gestured towards the book, "Go on."

"Stag – Adverb; without a companion or date," Lily read, smile on her face.

I gawked at her. Oh no she didn't.

"Excuse me? I have had more dates than most boys have even dreamed of having," I snapped touchily, "Now give me another definition."

Lily quirked an eyebrow, but continued, "Adjective; intended for male audiences and usually pornographic in content."

Okay, she has got to be kidding me.

"I don't – Sirius is the one who reads Playwizard magazines, honestly. Eugh, I'd rather see someone who I know naked…" I moaned, feeling my stomach churn.

Lily frowned. She was not happy.

I sheepishly shot her an apologetic look, "Continue. Now give the real definition."

"Noun;" She read loudly, "a swine or bull castrated after maturation of the sex organs."

Now she's crossed the border. That bloody border which is not meant to be passed. Bad things happen if you cross the border. Especially to morons like… Okay, I'll stop now.

"DAMN YOU, BOOK!" I barked, snatching the book and tearing into shreds.

Lily shot me a look, "You know you'll have to buy me a new one, right?"

After a few moments, I was back in my original spot, ripped up pages surrounding me, "Yeah, I know."

We sat there in silence, both of us smiling at each other. I, frankly thinking, couldn't believe I had just told her Moony's secret.

"So, you're a male deer?" Lily asked, eyeing me with a smirk.

I frowned, "You knew?"

"Duh," Lily replied, "James, that was the first definition. There are multiple definitions for word 'stag'. I was just messing with you."

How unkind.

"But James," she continued, "I think that's really, _really_ hot." She smiled slyly and seductively began sliding her finger across my chest.

I gulped, feeling my face warm up, although part of me was smirking with pride.

"Lils?" The familiar voice of Larissa Hopkins interrupted. Instantly, I stopped breathing and Lily pulled away, a blush overtaking her pale cheeks.

Okay, one thing you should ALWAYS keep in mind: Do _not_ let the vicious, rude, teasing members of your Quidditch team catch you in a girl's sweater on your watery-eyed girlfriend's bed.

"Yes?" Lily called back in a high-pitched tone, grabbing her pillow in anxiety as I shrugged off the sweater.

There was a sound of shuffling feet, "Lily, are you alright? Gosh, you've already missed breakfast."

"Fine," Lily replied quickly, "But if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone."

"Okay," Larissa replied rather curtly behind the hangings. Lily and I sat silently, waiting for her footsteps to completely fade away.

I turned to Lily abruptly, "Come on, we should go. The boys are waiting, plus we'll be in huge trouble if we get caught."

She shot me a smile and nodded. I took her hand and carefully lead her out of the room and down the stairs to the common room.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus, were all staring at us.

There was a tense moment of silence as the five of us simply stood there, until-

"Oh Merlin, James Potter's not wearing a shirt!"

"Look at him. Walking around like he's some saint. Disgusting."

"I _told_ you he had an eight-pack."

"Oh, he _so _wants me. Maybe even as badly as I want him…"

Lily turned furiously towards the loud, chattering students which had gathered nearby.

"Alight!" She yelled, pointing her finger out at them, "Let's get a few things straight. First of all, James Potter is my boyfriend. And I, being is girlfriend, do not like _you_ drooling over him. Secondly, he has a six-pack, not an eight-pack."

You know, you would think that she'd express her love in nicer ways…

The murmuring group parted, leaving the five of us again.

There was more silence, but this time not as long.

"You told her, didn't you?" Remus asked quietly, eyes looking straight into mine.

Uncomfortable by the gaze, I looked away. Knowing I couldn't ignore it, I quietly replied, "I'm sorry."

I waited for Remus's reply, but I never received it.

"Remus," Sirius intercepted, "Cut it out! So what if James told Evans? It's not like she's going to yell it out to the world. You should trust James, and James believes that Evans is loyal."

We all gave him a look of awe.

Remus hung hid head, "I'm sorry. Sirius is right. Look, James, I was just afraid… You and Lily will break up one day, and then who knows what Lily will do with the information."

I shook my head, slightly upset that my friend was predicting the break up of the love of my life and I, "I won't. I trust Lily, Moony. And I don't plan on any break up happening soon. I love Lily. And it's not just some school fling."

Now, it was Lily's turn to look shocked, "Really, James?"

I smiled at her nodded, "Really."

Lily looked amazed, "Wow. I – I didn't know that."

Yeah, I just chase around any random girl for six years.

"The point is," I continued, "We're your friends. Even if something happens between Lily and me, she'll always be your friend, and I will, too."

Remus cracked a smile.

"I feel silly for acting like that yesterday. Come on, let's go eat," Remus said, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, Lily."

"It's fine," Lily replied brightly, clearly glad that the fight was over, "Let's get some breakfast."

I sighed in relief. No more monologues for me! Ecstatic, I began my way towards the Great Hall.

"James, put on some pants," Everyone called from behind me.

I went scarlet.

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**A/N: Okeeeey. Review, pweease! Next chapter on April Fools Day, and I promise it WILL be much lighter than this one!**


	22. Diets, Animals, and Wedgies

**Author's Note: SHORT chapter. Think of it as a filler thing, just for April Fools Day! I think this is extra funny, as my friend helped me write this (krisarlens-insane-atladpjnfop, soon to be Prongs2xGingerFolwer), and we're crazy together.  
**

**Merci for reviewing, all! Thanks to everyone!  
**

**Disclaimer: I once had this dream in which I owned Harry Potter... And Barbie was head of the EU.  
**

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**Chapter Twenty-Two: Diets, Animals, and Wedgies  
(This chapter is T!!!)**

"Settle down, settle down," Professor McGonagall barked at the class as she entered the room. She hastily brushed aside a strand of dark hair which had escaped from her bun and placed her huge handbag on her desk.

Instantly, behind her, we quieted. No one _ever_ messed with Minerva McGonagall.

Well, except me.

Professor McGonagall whirled around and faced the class, all of us waiting to be directed. She smiled a small smile and took a few steps towards the class, "The N.E.W.T.s are approaching fast…"

I groaned loudly and banged my head against the desk, earning numerous stares.

"Mr. Potter, please control yourself," McGonagall directed firmly.

_Fine._

"Quiet," McGonagall demanded strictly, eyebrow furrowed. As if the class was even talking. She straightened herself up, "Now, as I was saying, the N.E.W.T.s are approaching fast. This means that in this double period, we will have to get a lot done."

Sirius's leaned back in his chair, hands lightly clutching his desk, allowing himself to balance on the back two legs of his chair, "Yes! More time with Minnienator."

McGonagall's eyes narrowed, "Watch your mouth, Black. I am in no mood for detentions, but I am afraid that if–"

"You continue your antics, you'll be the first on my list," Sirius finished smartly. "Got it."

Minnie's eyebrows rose, "Alright. Well, we will be practicing some more complicated transfiguration spells. Turning animals into plants."

My hand shot up, "But there are no Slytherins around, and they're the only animals I know."

McGonagall scowled, "Five points from Gryffindor!"

Well, she doesn't have to be mean about it… Honestly, she knows it's true.

"As I was saying…" She continued.

"Minnie! My underwear is too tight!" Sirius yelled from next to me.

I gave him a look. My _mum_ bought him that underwear.

"Continuing…"

"Professor, erm, I think there's something wrong with Peter," Remus butted in.

Peter seemed to be catching his breath, a vivid shade of green.

Minnie's eyes widened, "Pettigrew, what are you doing?"

Peter released his breath and stuttered, "I- I was… Doing my daily breathing exercises. It's good for dieting, you know."

McGonagall looked offended, "Are you suggesting that I need a diet?"

"Yes," All four of us together.

"Well, EXCUSE ME!" McGonagall barked, slamming down her book on the desk, "I have had enough of you four."

I pouted. We're not that bad.

…Man, she has to shave her legs.

"If you four think you're so brilliant, then why don't _you_ just teach the class," she ranted on.

We sat there, staring at her. McGonagall had never gone this far.

Wait, this could have some advantages…

"Okay," I replied, shrugging. My fellow Marauders shot me a look of disbelief, and slowly we made our way to the front of the class. Angrily, Minnie stomped to a corner and sat down, glaring at us.

The class stared at me. I stared back.

"Well," I gulped, "Now that we're in charge…"

"Two hundred points to Gryffindor!" Sirius yelled.

A few Hufflepuffs cried out in anger, "Unfair!"

"Why?" A really tall one who I dated in my fifth year moaned.

"Because Lily looks extra nice today," I said sweetly, winking at her. She went red and sank down in her seat.

They all exchanged incredulous looks, while Remus stepped forward.

"Erm… So Minnie said something about animals," Remus began, trying to take control.

Yeah, right.

Sirius hopped on the desk, "And that's exactly what we'll do! Party like animals!"

My eyes lit up at the word party, "Yes! We can have a Gryffindor party and a Hufflepuff party, and the most awesome party gets five hundred points for their house!"

"James…" Peter said quietly from behind me, looking unsure.

I ignored him, "Use everything around you! Get to work!"

"You can use any spells you want to enjoy," Sirius added cheerily.

As a Hufflepuff went purple, Remus added, "Illegal spells cost you fifty points. And a one-way ticker to Azkaban."

No! Not fifty points!

I carefully approached the Gryffindor circle, all of them looking confused.

"Potter!" Lionel Smith said, looking irritated.

"COME ON!" Sirius barked, "PARTY!"

No one did anything.

…When all else fails, kiss Lily.

I pulled Lily close to me and captured her lips in a full-blown-irresistible kiss.

Who am I kidding? She pushed me away two seconds later.

"James," she hissed, stark red, "No kissing in class. Especially when you're the teacher."

"Good thing you pointed that out. I'm the teacher, and I order you to kiss me," I replied arrogantly, eyebrows waggling suggestively.

She did not look pleased.

"Oh, you don't want to cost Gryffindor say… a thousand points?" I said.

Lily gasped, looking upset, but obliged and gave me a reluctant kiss.

Of course, I deepened it, and we were soon making out in front of the class.

Everyone shuddered, except for Sirius who was now strip-dancing on the desk with a few Hufflepuff girls singing for him.

From behind, Remus was being given a wedgie by a rather burly looking Gryffindor girl for trying to tell her to settle down. Peter was giving piggyback – Um, ratback – rides to a group of boys.

Lily finally broke away, trying to look angry, "James! Look at your class. We can make out _later_, now go and fix this class."

I pouted, "No. Kiss me. Or I'll take off points."

Lily looked furious, "James Charlus Potter, you do _not_ threaten me to kiss you, or I will eat your balls for breakfast."

I gulped, stepping back, "Don't you dare threaten my balls!"

Lily whipped out a knife, a fork, and some maple syrup from no where.

Honestly, does she carry that around?

I whimpered, "Okay. Fine."

Avoiding the gleam of her very sharp knife, I hopped on the closest desk and clapped my hands, "Alright! Shut up all of you bitches! Sit down!"

The class stared at me, as I quietly heard a boy mutter, "The teacher called me a bitch."

I shot McGonagall a look, who looked ready to kill. She was gripping the desk, her knuckles white.

I deflated more, "Now!"

Everyone scrambled to their seats, looking upset.

Seriously, why is it called scrambled? Are we cutting them up with a spatula?

"What now?" A random kid asked.

Remus pushed me aside, tired of being ignored, "Turn to page five hundred sixty-three in your textbooks."

The class groaned.

"Wait, there is no page five hundred sixty-three in our textbooks," Someone yelled.

Remus went pink, "I mean two hundred sixty-three."

Everyone scowled.

"So we're studying how to turn ourselves into Animagi?" The voice asked again.

Peter shook his head from next to me, "Nah, we already learned that."

There was an awkward silence, as I knocked him out with my book. He started drooling on my shoe.

Gross.

"Silly kid," I said sheepishly as Minnie glared me down, "Have no idea what he goes on about…"

Sirius shook his head, "No, people. We're learning how to turn a banana into… An apple."

There was a groan from the class, but they all opened their textbook.

…And then the bell rang.

I had never ran out of the classroom faster, yelling, "Five hundred points to Gryffindor for having the best party!" on the way and grabbing a very exasperated Lily.

Next stop, a broom closet.

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**A/N: Ah, sorry about the shortness! Guys, I'm really sorry, but I may not update for a few months now. I'm moving and all, so I won't have the time. You all understand, right? ...April Fools! Alright, you probably saw that coming. Anyway, REVIEW. My next update won't be for at least a week, as I'm going on vacation.**


	23. Fez, Pez, and Firewhisky

**Author's Note****: Ah, feels so good to be updating again. Well, this chapter is the main reason this story is rated T. This chapter is inspired by a book from my mom's bookshelf, and I unfortunately forgot the title. If you do not want to read about obvious sexual referances, I don't recommend you read this chapter.**

**Thanks for the reviews! This is the most reviews I've gotten for a chapter so far, and that makes smile. :)**

**Disclaimer:**** I own Harry Potter! -is attacked by vicious, impatient fans- SORRY, SORRY, I DON'T OWN IT!**

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**Chapter Twenty-Three: Fez, Pez, and Firewhisky  
****(This chapter is T!)**

I smiled at her affectionately, "Nice hat."

"Don't laugh," she replied, a grin visible on her face as she straightened her fez. "It was a gift from my cousin."

I raised my eyebrows and let my bare feet dangle into the water, deciding not to comment. It was the first real warm day of the year, and Lily and I had decided to 'embrace' it by going outside after our classes.

When she had suggested that we 'embrace the nice weather', though, I thought she had meant more hugging.

"My mother's on vacation in Egypt," Lily continued, leaning back on her arms as she squinted against the sunlight, "She owled this hat to me this morning."

I laughed quietly and pulled off her fez, placing it atop my own head, "Look, I'm in Egypt!"

Lily rolled her eyes and snatched it back, "Cut it out, fez-boy. The whole school already thinks we're insane. I'd like to have some reputation, thanks."

You're welcome?

I shrugged and shook my head to get my hair off out of my eyes, "Yeah, well, I never really had the best reputation to begin with."

Lily gave me a compassionate look, "Oh, James. That's not true. You hardly ever get detention any more."

I glared at her for reminding me of the ten-week detention McGonagall had given us for wrecking her class.

Lily smiled sheepishly, "Sorry. Forget I even said that."

I scoffed, "Yeah, well, it's gonna be hard to enjoy now that I've been reminded of my date with McGonagall."

"Date?" Lily asked, in a teasing manner, "Why, James, I had no idea you were seeing the Transfiguration professor behind my back."

I dramatically put a hand to my chest, grasping my shirt, "Oh, darling, I'm sorry! I just couldn't resist her smashing offer of pickling ferret brains."

Lily giggled loudly and stuck out her tongue, her face glowing in happiness.

"I better go," I said reluctantly, placing a soft and meaningful kiss good-bye on her forehead, "Minnie will murder me if I'm late for detention again." I waved, rolled down my trousers I had rolled up to prevent from getting wet, and pulled on my socks and shoes. Lazily, I took off in the other direction, having no plans of attending detention anyway.

"Make sure you don't get pickled brains on your clothes again! The smell is unbearable, and last time you smelled bad after the Quidditch game, we spent our next date doing laundry," She called after me.

I smirked. At least the girl's got style.

Casually, I navigated myself towards the castle, not really paying attention to where I was going. Sure enough, I had soon arrived the portrait hole. I entered after tricking the fat lady into thinking that her fly was undone - Which was extra hilarious, as she was wearing a dress - and wandered in, smiling as I spotted my friends talking.

"Fifty-six million, five hundred ninety-seven thousand people die a year, Sirius. Now I know what the greatest cause of death is," Remus was saying, massaging his temples as he sat in an armchair with a book in his laps.

Sirius was sitting _on_ the book in Remus's lap, "Old age?"

Remus gave him a look of annoyance, "No! You!"

"Oh..." Sirius said thoughtfully, scratching his chin, "I could see where you would get that."

I laughed and approached the duo, a smile on my face. I plopped down in the armchair across from them, "What'd he do now?"

Remus shoved Sirius off him disgust, "He was trying to snog four girls at the same time."

"Yeah, and I was doing a pretty good job at it," Sirius muttered, brushing off his robes as he stood up.

"Not when you classify me as a girl," Remus snapped, shaking his head.

Apparently Remus has forgotten his doily-obsession.

"Well, don't be hard on him. At least not today," I replied.

Sirius looked at me abruptly and Remus frowned, "Why not?"

"'Cause it's his birthday," I sighed, as if I had just announced that we were out of cereal.

"What?" Remus asked disbelievingly as Sirius shot me a death glare.

"James!" I heard Lily call as she approached me in curiosity, "I thought you were with McGonagall."

It's always about McGonagall. What about my needs? I have needs, too!

"I have needs, too!" I accidentally blurted out loud.

Whoops.

Lily cast me a weird look and took my hand, "I know. Merlin, I even burned that jacket you hated just for you."

"YES!" I cheered, hopping up in the air. They stared at me and I instantly quieted down.

"So, why aren't you in detention?" Lily asked again, placing her hands on her hips.

I frowned. Way to wreck a moment, Evans.

"It's Sirius's birthday," I replied sourly.

Lily snorted, "Yeah, and I'm pregnant with the Easter Bunny's baby."

I gaped at her. Lily cheated on me with a rabbit? I didn't even know it was a boy.

"Look, guys, is it his birthday, or is it not?" Remus asked, looking irritated.

We all turned to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged, "Yeah it is."

See? Why doesn't anyone ever believe me?

"Lily, you've got a spider on your face!" I squeaked suddenly, feeling bored.

She screamed a little and felt her face.

"Made you look," I sang, doing a childish happy dance. Lily glared at me with an expression that said 'Not the time, Potter' all over it.

"Padfoot, why didn't you tell me it was your birthday? We've only been your friends for six years," Remus asked, looking slightly upset.

Sirius shrugged half-heartedly, "You guys never asked. Well, James did, but I told him not to tell anyone." He looked at the floor, "I hate my birthday."

"Why?" Remus asked quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

I shook my head, "Because it triggers memory of his home and family."

Sirius glared at me again. Hey, I'm not that bad at keeping secrets!

"Oh, Sirius, I know we're not friends, but I can totally relate," Lily said quietly, turning Sirius softly to face her.

"Really?" Sirius asked, looking a little brighter.

"Really?" I asked, looking bewildered.

"Really?" Remus asked for some reason. I think he didn't want to feel left out.

Before Lily could reply, though, a second year girl came running to her, "McGonagall needs to see you in her office, Lily."

Lily sighed, "Sorry guys. I'll see you later, James." She waved and took off in the other direction.

There went Sirius's only chance of cheering up, my true love, and Remus's… Well, I'm not sure what she means to Remus, but you catch my drift.

Sirius heaved a sigh and sat down in an armchair, "Thanks for reminding me, guys."

I shot Remus a look, and he instantly stepped back. "I'm gonna go…" He turned around and sped off, leaving me and Sirius alone.

Oh, the number of girls that would kill to be in his place is overwhelming.

"Look, Sirius," I said quietly, causing him to turn and look at me.

"What?" He asked quietly.

Erm…

I took in a deep breath, "Sirius, I know you feel bad about your family. And upset and mad. But you can't let them wreck your _birthday_."

Sirius gave me a small half-smile and leaned back. "You know, every birthday I would have a huge ball."

I raised an eyebrow, "A ball?"

I tried to imagine baby Sirius on his birthday dancing with various guests.

"Yeah," Sirius laughed, "A ball. It was horrible. I had to get all dressed up and watch my parents show off and brood about Muggles. They were so boring, and no one paid any mind to me, even though it was my birthday. They were never unique – Sometimes my mother even tied in Regulas's birthday with mine, even though his is two months after mine. I hated it."

I bit my lip, "So?"

"So," Sirius continued, "Every birthday, I remember those balls. And how miserable I felt." He suddenly slammed his fist against the armchair he was in, "They were so stupid! It's not fair! Why can't I have normal parents?"

…I feel like a Muggle therapist.

"Look, Padfoot, you can't do anything about your former birthdays, I can't do anything, and in fact, no one can. But you've gotta move past those. You've broken free from your parents, mate. This birthday may be a reminder of them, but you can't let them hold you down now that you've finally escaped," I blabbered.

Sirius hung his head. "Whatever. I still don't like my birthday."

Peter and Remus walked in, balancing a huge cake.

"Well, maybe I can deal," Sirius said, grinning.

"We baked you a cake! A pez cake! And before you ask, pez is a Muggle candy," Peter announced, "Remus summoned me – literally – For an emergency baking job. I was helping clean up the Herbology greenhouse for the night. It was rather hard to get away, and I think I have at least a few weeks detention for eating those burping plants that we were potting."

I gave him a weird look, but grinned at the cake, despite the fact that this 'pez' was probably dangerous, "I don't care if you burp the roof off Hogwarts, just give me a slice of that cake."

Sirius laughed and Remus began serving it, cutting into fourths. Of course, it was _Remus_, so we had to wait for him to find a ruler and find the exact measurements first so we all got even slices.

"Hey, Prongs?" Sirius asked as Remus handed me a huge slice, "Thanks. As much as I hate to admit, you're right. I can't let memories of my parents bring me down. Maybe I didn't have the best childhood with all those balls, but at least I have the best friends now."

"No problem," I replied cheerfully, digging my fork in the cake.

And now that we were past that…

I snorted into my cake, "…You said balls."

Sirius glared at me. I turned away and was a little alarmed when I saw the second year girl again, standing in my face.

I scooted back, running a hand through my hair.

Man, some girls are desperate.

"May I help you?" I asked carefully.

The girl looked a little flushed, "Yes, actually. The Head Girl wants to meet you in the corridor outside."

I raised an eyebrow and turned to my cake longingly. Girlfriends are so possessive.

I sighed sadly and waved to my friends, leaving them to their cake-eating-party.

Carefully avoiding things sprawled on the floor of the common room, I directed myself out of the common room. As soon as I climbed out of the portrait hole, sure enough, Lily was waiting for me quietly.

"Hey, Lils," I greeted cheerfully, practically skipping to her.

Cake does that to you.

"Hi," She greeted quickly, looking slightly distracted.

I frowned, "Is everything okay, Licorice Stick?"

She nodded, biting her lip. "Everything's fine."

"Okay," I said, giving her a slightly strange look, "If you say so." She didn't reply, so I decided to take initiative, "What did you want?"

"Oh," Lily said, as if she had just recalled something. She looked at my face for the first time and cracked a small time, "I wanted to show you something, James."

I raised an eyebrow, "Cake?"

"No," Lily said, looking a little irked, "Lemme show you."

I blinked, feeling slightly frightened as Lily began pulling me towards the other end of the corridor. She must have wanted to show it to me really badly.

"So… Wait, what are we doing?" I asked, looking around in a bewildered manner, "Hey, look there's Barnabas the Barmy… And there he is again… And again." I turned to my girlfriend in confusion, "Lils, we're walking back in forth in this one spot."

"Shh…" She hushed, stopping finally.

Before I could reply, though, a door appeared in the middle of the corridor. A door which had definitely not been there earlier.

I gawked at it as she pulled me in. What the-

My thoughts were interrupted as I saw the room inside. It was warm, a deep shade of maroon. There was a fire burning in a fireplace at the side, and an array of candles.

Man, she's good.

"Lily, you're brilliant," I whispered in awe. She had found the Come and Go Room of Hogwarts – the room the Marauders had spent years trying to find. The only place not on the map, "The Room of Requirements."

"Come here, James," Her voice croaked from behind me. I whirled around to see her sitting on a huge… Bed. A _bed_? I approached her cautiously, giving her a weird look.

"Lils, what are you doing?" I asked carefully. I looked at her fully for the first time. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen and her cheeks were tearstained. She had been crying.

What's going on?

She pulled me next to her, taking me by surprise. "Something I should have done a long time ago. We've been going out for two months, James. That may not seem like a lot, but it's your longest relationship."

"Yeah, but –" I was interrupted as her soft lips crashed down against me, paralyzing me. She pulled me down so my back bounced softly against the soft bed, not letting go of me.

It felt as if her mouth was attacking mine. Her tongue was vicious, battling its way into my mouth. Her hands were tangled in my hair, leaving me totally confused.

And then, it hit me. She tasted familiar, something which I found intoxicating. Firewhisky.

Lily Evans was drunk…

"Lily," I begged, tearing my mouth away from hers as much as I hated to do so, "You don't know what you're doing. You're… Buzzed."

She licked her lips, breathing labored, "I don't care. Just… Just help me. I know what I want, and I want this."

With that, she attacked me again, her lips searing and hot, causing me to lose self-control.

And then, just like that, another person took over me. They boy I had once known very well. Fifteen year old, selfish, womanizing James Potter

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**A/N: Bum, bum, bum! Sorry, I just had to add that. Anyway, this chapter was fun to write. Well, not the ending, as I was laughing my head off after typing each word. (Kissing makes me laugh... A lot). Yes, so review and tell me how I did or if you want to ask a question or something. Feedback and corrections are appreciated! Happy Easter, everyone. x3 Next chapter may a take a while to write... For all I know, I could be laughing my head off to hard to type.**


	24. Smoke, Dead Pillows, and Studying

**Author's Note****: Hmmm... It's been how long since I've updated? It's getting harder now as the story wraps up. I have to think about loose ends, more events which need to be fitted in, etc. Anyway, I just finished this chapter today. I edited it, but I really doubt I did a good job.**

**I loved all of the reviews. You know, half of the time your reviews have me laughing my head off. Ha, the irony of the fact that your reviews are funnier than my story makes me smile.**

**Disclaimer:**** Funny story about that, actually. There's this woman - Rowling, I think her name is. Yes, she owns Harry Potter. Amazing, no?**

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**Chapter Twenty-Four: Smoke, Dead Pillows, and Studying  
****(This chapter is K+ or T. I'm too lazy to work it out.)**

Usually I woke up to the bright morning sunlight bleeding through my hangings. Of course, that wasn't how I awoke this morning, as there were no windows in the Room of Requirements. Duh.

What did wake me up was the smell of _smoke._ Yes, not the best way to wake up.

I looked up slowly, and saw the last thing I wanted to see. Yes, my hangings were on fire.

So, basically, I got up, panicked a bit, and then pushed aside the hangings which were still on fire. And then I slapped my forehead.

I had pushed the hangings into one of the still-lit candles.

Yes, so then I panicked a bit more, found my glasses, and then did the obvious thing – step on the fire. Not a very good idea, as I was barefoot.

Two words – Nasty burn.

Yeah… I collapsed on the bed, rather depressed as my foot still hurt, and then I noticed…

I was naked.

Not that I've never seen myself naked or anything, as I am a fully capable seventeen year-old boy with the vision of 20/40 and glasses. But, you know, I think it's really kind of disturbing to sleep naked. Like, what if there's a fire. I mean a _real_ fire? I'm not like Sirius – I do not enjoy running in front of the whole staff/student body naked.

So, I grabbed my lucky boxers – They have 'Montrose Magpies' printed on the back - and pulled them on.

Trying to remember why exactly I was in the Room of Requirements, I fell back on the bed, a little surprised to land on a hand. A hand with very sharp fingernails.

I kind of let out a squeal-thing and hopped up, turning in the process.

Oh. Merlin. Why is Lily Evans in _my_ bed?

And then, even though she was fast asleep and fully covered with a red comforter, I worked it out. She was naked, too.

Uh oh. No, this wasn't good at all.

Biting my lip, I watched as Lily slowly turned in her sleep, pretty green eyes opening slightly. My heart pounding as I watched as she squinted at me, looking slightly confused.

Well, I never really was fond of confrontation.

"James?" She asked quietly. But I barely heard her, though, as I was too busy running out of the room. The moment I had escaped, I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it, panting hard.

This _sucked_.

Carefully, I pulled on my shirt and my jeans, ignoring weird stares from nearby portraits.

Without looking back to see if she was following, I again broke into a run back across the corridor, stopping in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, barely able to catch my breath.

She looked at me irritably, clearly not expecting me, "What are you doing here, boy? It's ten o'clock on a Sunday. You're the one who sleeps until four, aren't you?"

I squeezed my hand into a fist. 10.00? She had to be kidding. How did I sleep for so long? I decided not too think about what had made me so tired the night before.

"Yes, well instead of timing me, maybe you should be dieting," I lashed rather viciously. Ah, and then the password so she couldn't retort, "Shiny Snidgets."

The Fat Lady opened her mouth to retort, but ended up just glaring and swinging open.

Violently, I stepped in and slammed her shut, avoiding the stares from the early crowd gathered in the common room. I flew passed them and stomped up the boy staircase easily, navigating myself into the seventh year's dorm. Without even looking up, I flopped on to my bed.

What was the best way to handle anger? Ah, let's see. My mum would have cleaned if she was mad and alive, my dad would have said something witty/funny, Sirius goes naked, Remus reads, Peter eats, and Lily screams.

Wait a second, that's what they _always_ do.

Next best thing, I guess. Ferociously, I began banging my fist into the pillow, causing the seam to rip and feathers to fly out. Of course that didn't stop me and I continued beating up the poor, deflated pillow, only slightly irked by the mess I was making. I know, amazing.

"James, I highly doubt the pillow wants to be punched," A voice said from behind me. A masculine voice, thankfully.

I didn't look up, only kept my eyes on the white, lifeless thing on my bed. "It does want to be punched. You don't know."

A familiar laugh rang through the air, "The pillow's not suicidal, mate."

Well, duh, who's ever heard of an emo pillow?

I turned around to see Remus, Peter, and Sirius standing at the doorway with big smiles.

"Where were you last night?" Remus asked as the group stepped forward. He took the pillow and did a quick spell to repair it, shaking his head.

"Yeah, honestly. Peter was about to go and tell Dumbledore," Sirius said, looking upset.

"No I wasn't!" Peter retorted in confusion, only to be elbowed in the ribs by Sirius. Hard.

Oh, that's not suspicious at all.

I shrugged and flipped over so that I was gazing at the ceiling with my back on the bed.

There was a short silence as the boys sat around me, staring at me confusion.

Of course, it was Sirius who worked something out first.

"You weren't!" He gasped in amazement. I looked over at him to see wide gray eyes.

Deciding that the bottling-up was getting tiring, I nodded, eyes not leaving his.

"What? What'd he do?" Peter asked anxiously.

Dramatic pause…

"He cheated on Lily," Sirius whispered numbly.

Yeah, because that's just like me.

I gave him an incredulous look, "No!" Angry enough, I grabbed the empty pillow and whacked him with it.

"Oi!" Sirius screeched, hopping behind his bed, "Come on! Why would he be gone for so long is he wasn't sleeping with a girl?"

It doesn't get any slower than them.

Remus stepped forward, eyes glued on me. "Wait… You slept with Lily, didn't you?"

Ding, ding, ding; we have a winner!

I nodded slowly, staring kind of weirdly at the gang.

Sirius laughed, "Yeah, right. Evans is all," he paused to put on a high-pitched voice, "'Oh my gosh, it's like only proper to like stay a virgin until you like have kids.'"

Peter frowned, confused, "Is that even possible?"

"No, Wormtail," Remus sighed, shaking his head, "It's not. But really, it's not like Lily to do something like that."

I hung my head. Honestly, what else could I do?

"You forced her!" They all gasped at the same time.

Can't you see how much faith they have in me?

"Sort of," I muttered, lying back in bed, "She was drunk and she sort of… Wanted it. But I was fully aware of what was going on and it was my job to say no."

Sirius whistled, eyes wide as he sat down next to me where he had been before I had hit him. "Woah, mate. Can't really blame you, though. After all those girls you got in the fifth year, it would have been impossible to not sleep with Lily when given the chance."

"Thanks," I moaned, turning over in shame.

Remus patted my back. "Everything will work out in the end. She can't really blame you, Prongs."

I bit my lip, sort of knowing he was right. I looked at them, deciding to change the topic, "If you didn't see us on the map, it's because, well, we were in the Room of Requirements – She somehow knew where it was – And that's not on the map."

"We would've checked the map, if you didn't have it," Peter explained, raising his eyebrows.

Wait a second. I didn't have the map.

"I don't have it!" I protested, emptying my pockets to reveal nothing but a shoelace and Sirius's two-way mirror.

Sirius frowned, "How? We looked everywhere for it."

We all stared at each other, dumbfounded. I couldn't believe it: We had actually lost our map.

"We'll find it," Remus muttered faintly, trying to be optimistic as usual. It didn't take a Dumbledore to know he was probably wrong.

My stomach rumbled slightly, indicating my hunger. I looked at them, "It'll turn up soon. Let's get some breakfast now."

The boys nodded and we all got up. Slowly, we began the tedious journey to the Great Hall.

"So," Sirius began casually as we stepped out of the portrait hole, "Evans knew where the Come and Go Room of Hogwarts was. Little, innocent Evans."

I grumbled under my breath, knowing she wasn't so innocent anymore, "Yeah, well, she's a smart girl."

"Talking about Lily, what are you gonna say to her?" Peter asked, looking up at me.

I stared ahead in determination, "I'll do what she did to me for the first six years after I met her – I'll avoid her."

**» ****♦****♦****♦****♦****♦****♥****♦****♦****♦****♦****♦****«**

Well, avoiding her was easier than I thought.

Truthfully, I hadn't seen the girl all day. There were rumors flying around that she was in her bed, crying her eyes out. Of course, I wanted to go check, but I couldn't. It was my fault she was crying, after all.

You could probably guess that I felt horrible. The sun was setting, and instead of playing Quidditch with the other boys, I was sitting at the edge of the lake playing with my snitch.

I tossed it in the air, catching before it went to far away. That had always calmed my nerves, giving me this feeling that everything was fine. Like a Muggle stress ball, except you don't grope it.

The fact that I had taken advantage of my girlfriend made my insides ache, though. I had no idea why she was drunk, as it wasn't like McGonagall to invite students to her office for firewhisky parties, but after all, it had been a long day.

"James?" A voice croaked from behind me.

Three guesses to who that is.

I whirled around to see a much disheveled Lily Evans. Her eyes were pink and swollen from crying, and she was wearing some old robes.

I stared at her silently as she seated herself next to me silently, eyes fixed ahead of her.

"How'd you find me?" I found myself asking numbly.

Yes, I have a very nice way of greeting people.

"This," Lily replied. I watched in awe as she pulled out the Marauder's Map and tucked into my hand, "You dropped it."

I gazed at it, amazed that she had known how to open it. Slowly, I looked up at her, confused. Deciding I didn't want to talk about it, though, I shoved into my pocket.

There was yet another silence, this one not too uncomfortable. As there was no action going on, I went back to playing with my snitch. That is, until she caught it.

I looked up at her with a questioning expression. In response, she stretched out her legs and kicked her black sandals off to a side. "You've been avoiding me, James. I can tell."

Pfft, no. What would give her that idea?

I sighed slowly, eyes not leaving my snitch, "Well, you know. Yeah, Lily, I was avoiding you."

There was another silence. From the background, I could hear Sirius screaming 'Goal!' repeatedly and the breeze rustling the grass and leaves on the trees.

"Why?" She asked, hitting me by surprise.

Was she kidding me?

I looked at her in shock. "Lily, I took advantage of you," I gulped, closing my eyes as warm memories of the night before raced through me. They weren't supposed to make me feel so good. "You were drunk."

"I know," She whispered. I looked into her green eyes and saw something horrible – Regret.

She regretted last night.

Sure, I had known she wouldn't be ecstatic about what had happened, but I had hoped she wouldn't be so upset.

"I'm sorry," I muttered shamefully, "You regret it."

"Yes, James, I do regret," She whispered. I almost jumped as her hand placed itself on mine, "But I don't regret what you did to me last night. That… That was bloody wonderful. What I regret was being drunk, forcing you, not being conscious enough to be able to embrace it. And most of all, not doing it sooner."

I blinked at her in shock. There were tears welled up in her eyes. "W – What?" I whispered.

"You heard me," Lily replied rather boldly, scooting closer to me, "Do you know why I was drunk?"

I shook my head rather stupidly.

She sighed, looking down, "My Mum. She visited me yesterday. My sister's getting married. To a man."

Is stared at her, waiting for more. I don't get it.

"Wait," I asked carefully, "So, you're upset because you wanted you sister to marry a woman?"

Umm…

"No," Lily replied with a watery smile, punching me softly. She sniffed, "I'm upset because I realized that I wasted my life. Oh, James, my sister's only twenty-two. She can't get married, she's too young." She leaned against me, "I wasted so much of my life in the present, with school and other stuff. What if my life ends tomorrow? All these things I've wanted to do, I'll never be able to."

I looked at her curiously. I had never been like that. If I wanted to do something, I did it.

"So," Lily whispered, leaning toward me so she was whispering in my ear, "I really, really wanted to do what I did last night."

I looked up at her in wonder. She grinned at me devilishly and leaned forward, capturing my lips in a kiss. I closed my eyes, feeling relief flood to me. She pulled away soon, though, eyes fixed on mine. "I have dreams, James, and no more procrastinating. They're not gonna happen after I build myself a nice foundation; they're gonna happen while I build my foundation. Because, face it, it'll be a pretty boring foundation without those dreams."

I beamed at her and kissed her again. "I love you."

Thank Merlin for older sisters and marriages. Now we could finally have some fun.

She smiled at me and added on, "…We should go study for the N.E.W.T.s, now."

And it was then that I realized how fast the year had gone by. Grinning, I leaned in, despite her request, and placed a kiss on her cheek.

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**A/N: Yayzers, they're back together. Ah, I'm so sad. The story's almost oooover. It can't end soon. -sniff- Anyway, tell me what you thought in a review!**


	25. Le Epilogue

**Author's Note: Wow. Last. Chapter. Epilogue. Can't. Believe. It. Or. Form. Sentences.  
**

**421 reviews for twenty-four chapters. That's honestly wonderful. I really, really loved your reviews, they kept me going throughout this whole piece. Thanks so much!  
**

**Disclaimer: I'm too sad to make up something witty. -sniffles- It's the Rowling woman's.  
**

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**Chapter Twenty-Five: Le Epilogue  
(This chapter is K)**

The weeks passed by in bliss – She was mine, and I was complete.

"You're obsessed with her," Sirius spat in disgust, glaring at her from the other side of the table, which was set up for testing.

He's got a point there.

I sighed. "I'm not, okay? She just looks really pretty today."

"What?" Sirius asked in disbelief, "In the robes which she wears _everyday_?"

I shot him an ungrateful look, as Remus hushed us from my left.

"What?" Sirius and I asked in unison, annoyed. Ever since the start of breakfast, all the stupid kid had been doing was shushing us.

Remus frowned, "We're trying to study."

Well, isn't he always?

"Tell us when you're doing something important," Sirius sneered. "I'm busy brooding over Evans here – Can't you tell?"

"But it's N.E.W.T.s today!" Peter quipped.

I shrugged, "So?" Sirius nodded, as Peter and Remus stared at me as if I had grown a beard. Which isn't about to happen, as I shaved _yesterday_.

Okay, there was nothing to shave, but that can stay our little secret.

I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes. "We have to get to class in two minutes, anyway."

About half of the people around us yelped and began scanning through the textbook at warp speed.

I don't see _why_ they're so frantic. It's not like the test decides our future or anything.

Oh, wait. Yes it does.

I gulped, grabbing a muffin. Truthfully, I wasn't at all worried about the N.E.W.T.s. I mean, come on, I've never gotten anything below an O in my life.

Sorry, ego moment.

"I have to talk to you." I looked up to see a smiling Lily. Well, actually, she looked more nervous than cheery.

I nodded and got up, taking her hand. "Sure thang."

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled me away from the table, barely giving me a chance to wave goodbye to the Marauders.

Once we were out of the Great Hall, Lily pushed me against the wall.

Well… If she wants to have a snogfest right now…

"James, are you planning a prank?" She asked firmly.

I blinked innocently. "What?"

She let go of me, putting her hands on her hips. Her very nice hips, I must add.

"Oh, don't give me that. There's two weeks of school left and I know you're planning a prank. You've already lost your stupid map, the last thing you need to lose if your privilege to go to school."

Like they're gonna expel me with two weeks of school left.

"Lils, calm down. I'm Head Boy, I won us the Quidditch cup, and I'm a top student. How can they expel me?" I asked, smiling at her.

Lily's eyes narrowed, but she heaved a sigh. "Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you."

I smiled, "I won't." Slowly, I leaned in and closed my eyes, waiting for my lips to meet her soft ones.

Instead, her hand met with my chest. Ow.

"Tests," She reminded me, whacking the side of my head. Rolling her eyes, she stepped back into the Great Hall, where we would be testing.

I leaned back against the cold wall behind me, watching her leave with a small smirk.

So, let's face it. Life isn't easy for an extremely hormonal teenage Marauder, especially one with a brain louder than Peter when we set his foot on fire for amusement last week.

But, hey, I'll manage.

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**A/N: Well. This is it. My baby has grown up. I can't believe I've been writing this one for so long(I know, I know, it wasn't that long), it feels like... I just wrote it yesterday. Well, there's my first multichapter fanfiction for you. I think I've improved as a writer overall through this and I loved writing it. But now... I need your help.**

**SEQUEL! You guys need to vote on it! Yes, or no. Keep in mind that if you do vote yes, it won't be posted until after Deathly Hallows release. Tell me in a review!  
There will be a prequel, which I will start writing in mid-June.**

**THANKS FOR READING! Remember to review!**


	26. A Snippet of the Sequel

**Author's Note: Don't worry; the story _is _over. But I thought I'd alert all of you who still have this story on alert about the sequel. Because, well, I was bored and thought that some of you may appreciate that. Here is a snippet of the recently posted sequel, The Mind of a Really Lovesick Graduated Marauder. Click on my my profile and venture down if you would like to read it.**

**By the way, thanks so much for all of the reviews I've gotten since the last chapter. And believe me, that's a lot of reviews for a girl who's barely a teenager, broke, and still doesn't know the difference between her left and right.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it!  
**

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**A Snippet of the Sequel  
(This chapter is K)**

And then there were two.

"Well, we best be off," I muttered, shooting him a quick smile as I straightened my cloak.

Remus nodded, returning the smile. "Yes. Hey, and Prongs," he clapped a hand against my shoulder, "thanks for this."

He's best off not getting used to it.

"Anytime, Moony, anytime," I replied lazily, straightening my glasses. "I'll meet you there." With a roguish grin, I Disapparated from the spot. There was the familiar tugging of my bellybutton and a loud crack. Moments later, I opened my eyes, faced with a mahogany door. The mahogany door leading to the Potter mansion, to be more specific.

I looked around once. The green fields had yellowed. Which was actually pretty easy to believe, as there was no one to fix it. Unless Uncle Henry, who chose to be buried in these fields, suddenly was revived and decided to start his new life as a zombie by maintaining the grass.

My attention returned back to the door. I brought my hand to the doorknob, ready to enter house after six months, but stopped as I spotted a note taped magically to the knob. Confused, I took the note off and squinted, reading the fine print slowly:

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_We have been required to inform you that all your possessions, including this property, are currently not of your belonging for now. Dorea Potter has made it clear to us in her will that she does not want you to get your inherited valuables until you are of the age of twenty. You may pick up your supplies anytime after you are of the required age. Until then, your mother's possessions are in your safe at Gringotts Wizarding Bank._

_Sincerely,_

_The Staff at Gringotts_

I blinked, removing my gaze from the letter. Well, I honestly hadn't been expecting that of all things.

"What happened?"

I jumped, startled, and whirled around to see Remus standing behind me.

"Merlin, Moony, I didn't hear you Apparate," I muttered, tousling my hair.

"Shows how daft you are, Prongs," Remus muttered, smirking tauntingly as he snatched the letter from my hand. His eyes scanned it for a few seconds and moments later, a similar look of shock came over his face.

Suddenly, his eyes averted to mine, looking lost. "We can't _not_ have a place to go."

I laughed dryly, taking the paper back. "According to the sodding letter we don't." Annoyed, I shredded the letter and let it scatter on the floor. "Looks like we're both homeless."

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**A/N: Well, there you go! Don't bother reviewing here - Just be sure to check out The Mind of a Really Lovesick Graduated Marauder.  
**


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